Lost But Not Hopeless

you could find another me tomorrow and that's the hardest pill to swallow

[allleyezzonme]

You know what strength is? Forgiving a person who wasn’t even sorry.

[lbnh]

a year ago. it’s crazy how perceptions can change so fast. i helped you find your strength and you tore me the fuck down with it.

[lbnh]

i hear you talk about your past relationship and how horrible it was. how it was toxic or abusive. how your ex was so focused on treating you bad and only caring about what he could gain from you.

but when i look back at who we were when we were together, i have to ask myself “well, who was the abuser?”

i have up so much to be with you and i did that happily. i gave you everything i could. i got very little appreciation for it which was easily gotten over. but i still put in effort. i still treated you the way you said you wanted to be treated as a girlfriend. i stood up for you when i didn’t even know why i was standing up for you, only because you were the person i was with and i loves you enough to do that.

we both had issues, i’ll admit that. but we loved each other enough to let it go just to spend another hour together. you wanna act like you were a slave in the relationship or you were the abused housewife that covered her bruises and cowers if someone moves too fast around her.

let’s be real, you had it made for most of the time you were with me and you didn’t care. i paid the bills, i gave you what you wanted, i took you places and shared the things and places i knew with you. i didn’t ask for a lot. all i wanted was you, and the faithfulness that comes with you. but i failed to read the description on this one before i signed up.

truth is, you can tell anyone anything about me and you, and they’ll probably believe whatever you say. but i know the truth. i know how we really were together. we loved each other. we took care of each other. we wanted a family together, and we made it happen. only thing is, you gave it all up outta the blue then continued to tell everyone that EVERYTHING that once was between us is a lie.

i’ll never be over it. but i’ve stressed and cried and been lost in my own thoughts for so long that i have nothing left to feel with. my brain hurts, my body aches, my heart is weak, and my hands are torn up hoping to touch your skin again. i know it’ll never happen again, and i won’t hope and dream for it to because i’ll only be let down. so here’s. to you and me. RIP.

[lbnh]

i will forever love this picture of my baby girl. she’s gotten so big so fast, it kills me knowing that someone’s preventing me from experiencing the younger years of her life. but i will do whatever i can to make sure that she has her daddy in her life. i love you Coraline.

[lbnh]

just as i was beginning to give up hope for this bike build, the head broke free and i got the head gasket changed out. i spent most of the night writing up a list of parts i need and checked the pricing on all of it, and i must say that the total i paid for it and the total of my parts list still doesn't even come close to what i would've paid to buy this bike running. i think i've just found my new money making hobby. the streets ain't ready for me #gsxr750 #k5 #bikebuild #ahhhshit

[sorreleater]

honestly some of y’all want a significant other so badly and can’t understand why you can’t find one, but have no sense of boundaries or healthy expectations of what a relationship is like. in a committed long-term partnership you get left on read, you wait for texts back, and you can forget about each other when you’re busy. sometimes you fall asleep without saying goodnight and sometimes you’re too caught up to text each other before 6pm. that’s how it is. thinking that you can’t be deeply, beautifully in love and still wait more than “1.75 hours” for a text back is such an unhealthy and unreasonable expectation of what love is, and you shouldn’t be in a relationship if you can’t allow the other person to exist on their own apart from you. if you’re projecting your anxieties and insecurities onto a partner who doesn’t even exist yet, then you aren’t ready for one.

[sunbeamdaydreams-deactivated202]

[lbnh]

i miss my baby girl so much. she's getting so big and i never really got to experience her being so young. i wish it wasn't so hard for me to be given time with her. this isn't the way things were supposed to be...

[lbnh]

it takes a shallow individual to say they won't have guys around a child that's not theirs for a while and jumping straight into a relationship with someone and bringing this guy around my fucking daughter all the time. it's not the first time you've done that though so why am i surprised?

[lbnh]

once i get my piece of shit over here and fix it, my new bike over at my house to put together, and this assholes motor mounted, the hardest decision of the day is which one to ride #exceptthemidgetbike #sorrythelittlepeoplebike #bikelife #gsxr750rebuild #dumbassdidnttorquehisoilplug

[lbnh]

new bike coming this week. i'm sad to have to sell my cbr cuz i put so much work into it. but along with that i have a lot of memories with it that i don't want to hold onto, so good fucking riddance to my streetfighter. i'm moving up to a gsxr 750, and the dude i'm buying it from is throwin in some stunt parts so you're about to see your boy on one wheel. already talked to the prez of ESR houston and he's gonna teach me how to stunt just cuz i asked and he knows i'm serious about it. on top of that i might buy an R1 just to have a bike that'll go 200 miles an hour. if i ever have to sell one it'd be this one but why not keep a spare. with the way my jobs goin right now, ill have 2 bikes, a g35, and a work truck all on my own. now i'm able to take care of my daughters needs, and when i go to court i'm going to offer to pay more than the minimum required by the state because i know her and her mom need it. everybody says i should say fuck that and take the minimum but i'd feel better knowing that i can afford to give them extra as long as i know it's going to my daughter. i'm past everything that's happened, i'm over the fact that our family will never be a family again. i want what's best for my daughter, and i know she needs her mom. i would never try to take my daughter from her out of my own selfishness, as i would hope the same goes for her. but after everything i've been through in the last year and a half, if i had the chance, i would still try to be a family for my daughter. if her mother didn't hate me and wanted to try again, i would try to make things work with her so my daughter can grow up in a normal family. but since that won't happen, i will make sure my baby is provided for and her mother doesn't have to struggle. my daughter will not know me as the dad that was never there. and my daughter will never hear me say anything attacking her mom. she will always have a piece of my heart because she gave me my beautiful princess. a friend recently told me he had a feeling good things were coming for the ppl close to him. nothing got better for me for a while. i was starting to give up and then everything in the past month has flipped a complete 180 and life has finally gotten better. he reminded me about how he said "it's comin for you too bro. everything's about to change" and it did. i'm finally happy again, i'm at a great job again making insane checks, i get to see my baby every weekend and now i have enough income to provide for her at my place and her moms place, and i have some amazing friends that i've been able to help who've recently been there for me when i needed it. i never thought i'd reach this point again but i like it. things are changing so fast, soon you won't won't be able to recognize me anymore.

[love-personal]

[love-personal]

[crystalmegg]

There must be something seriously wrong with me

[lbnh]

wait...you of all people wanna tell ME to grow up? did i rub that in your face? no. did i make you feel like an idiot? no. did i say anything spiteful towards you? no.

you saw something you werent happy about and decided to dive into a can you shouldnt have even opened. 

now if you wanna talk about being spiteful and playing games, why do you go back to when you told me you werent gonna have a bunch of guys around my kid and did the exact opposite while still trying to use her as your reasons for doing the things you dont hold up on. so in reality, whos being petty again?

[lbnh]

oh snap. i convinced a girl to let me tattoo my logo on her. the funniest part is who it's on hahaha. oh it feels good to be winning

[lbnh]

why am i surprised that you get caught in another lie? what was that you were saying about not bringing your fuckin little boyfriends around my daughter? how you couldn't do that to our daughter and what not? so basically you like to use our kid as the reason why you do things but really you don't give a shit about any of that, you just say shit to make you look good... and now i see why all your friends left you...