кιℓℓ мє // 𝕚𝕗 𝕪𝕠𝕦 𝕕𝕒𝕣𝕖

𝖇𝖆𝖑𝖙𝖍𝖆𝖟𝖆𝖗 𝖗𝖔𝖘 penned by 𝒶𝓁𝓎𝓈 for єχ¢єѕѕнq

[lcnewclf]

heyo some stuff happened and i’m feeling pretty Out Of It so idk if i’ll be on for the rest of the day. i’ll try to calm down but i’m just not in a Headspace to do anything rn. 

[ravenclairee]

[lcnewclf]

@prcsley

[lcnewclf]

catch me in the seventh heaven tent jamming to this 

[lcnewclf]

COLE.

Cole was at the festival bright and early, excited to see some of the newer unknown acts before the big crowds started to show up. While the majority of his morning was separated in VIP sections and backstage areas, there were still quite a few fans pushing and pulling to take pictures or talk to him. All the attention exhausted him so he had went back to the hotel for a quick recharge before getting back for the next performance on his watch list. 

Rushing awake with the sound of his alarm getting increasing louder, he realized he’d overslept and was now going to be late for the show. With a jacket half thrown on, he nearly ran through the lobby before being cut off. “Yeah! Trying to get there before Lizzo starts. Want to ride with me over there?”

zar smiles at cole, in that way he learned at age fifteen that sold hundreds of thousands of tiger beat magazines. even though cole was rushing, zar took his time approaching him. “absolutely, thank you,” zar says. “are you a big lizzo fan, then? i’m more into midnight vandals, personally.” sure, those two weren’t really comparable, except for the fact they were both playing the same festival. it was as zar was following cole to the car, though, that he realized he hadn’t eaten breakfast yet. he wondered how long he could go without it, but he cut that train of thought off. he might be falling back into some old patterns, but he doesn’t want to fall into that one. 

[lcnewclf]

GUS.

   gus wasn’t expecting to see zar here, of course, he should have expected it because it seemed everybody was at this festival, especially in the vip section, but, he just always figured that they were always unknowingly avoiding each other in some way. “is the room not up to your standards or something?”

zar had to look away at that comment; well, he supposed there was a reason he and gus didn’t hook up anymore. “i meant the fact you can’t even be assed to smile at me, which... well, i can’t say i feel like smiling, either.” he sighed to himself, taking a pull of the cigarette still in his hand. “what about you? what are you working on?”

[lcnewclf]

PRESLEY.

   presley’s letting a small laugh fall from his lips, shrugging his shoulders towards the other. “guess that’s what happens to kids like us, the ones that go into the entertainment industry instead of, like, going to high school or some shit.” the male state before shrugging his shoulders towards the male. “maybe a little bit, yeah.”

evidently, zar was in a weird mood; as he picked up his san pellegrino, he asked, “do you ever... do you ever think about how you would have turned out if you’d just gone to, like, high school and college and worked an office job? like a normal person?” he gives a smile, looking down at his glass. “okay, you pretend to have serotonin a little better than i do.” 

[lcnewclf]

ADORE.

         he pushes himself off the wall, arms falling to his sides. “what the fuck is your problem all of a sudden?” he asked, his attitude quickly changing with the situation that was at hand. “fucking threatening me? what for exactly, zar?” he questions. “say it.”

zar swallowed back his rage as best he could, realizing what, exactly, he was doing. he took some more steps back, creating distance between them. “listen, just... just get off my back, alright, adore? i need a minute.” with that, he turned to leave. 

[lcnewclf]

MAEVE.

maeve giggled, nodding, “i think their fans might mind more than they would, honestly.”  she’d seen her daughter pull people out of full conversations before, she wouldn’t be surprised if avery could pull someone off their stage to get their attention.  she wouldn’t want to test that out, though.  “oh, yeah, though i think some of the animals might be more affectionate than avery.  she’s easily distracted sometimes.”  maeve laughed.  “oh, uh, i’m not sure.  i’ve got to go to a couple of them.  i think adore’s in euphoria?  and remy’s in seventh heaven?”  she shrugged her shoulders, biting her lip as she thought.  “what about you?”

zar has to laugh at that. “okay, that might be fair, but avery is still my favorite toddler by a mile.” admittedly, bobby, greta, rufus, and nugget were always down for cuddles. zar shrugs, “well, i’m totally gonna see adore, but i mean... khai and vampire weekend are also playing.” zar gives a crooked smirk, “priorities, y’know?” and yet emily was going to see all her friends play; she really was way too sweet. “there’s just too many good acts to go around.” 

[lcnewclf]

HEATHER.

heather was enjoying listening to other performers, and she felt more chill vibing in the crowd. someone called for attention in the crowd, and she turned meeting with a familiar face. she gasped, waving frantically at her friend,“ zar! i know, i was getting worried about ya!” she said, nudging him a little bit on the arm. she was happy to see him in a different environment, and more to hang out with him. “ what you’ve been up to!”

“oh, you don’t need to worry about me,” zar insists, even though... plenty of people worry about him, with good reason. he just doesn’t want anyone to worry about him. “oh, you know, photo shoot after photo shoot. i did a ralph lauren shoot in ireland a couple weeks ago; that was super fun.” the days had been long, but the days were always long. “what about you? anything new in the works?”

[lcnewclf]

PRESLEY.

    presley shakes his head, letting a laugh leave his lips once more. “yeah, sure, whatever you say.” he responds, laughing to himself once more. “well, when i was fifteen, i was going to hollywood parties, not arcades.” he explains, shrugging his shoulders to the other. “yeah, yeah, maybe i will. we’ll have to see.”

zar hums, considering that for a moment. “i mean... i guess you’re right,” zar looks down at his drink. “i don’t know why i assumed that i had a less... childish childhood than you.” after all, not all children were groomed to be one thing and one thing only from when they could walk. he turns to presley with a mirthless chuckle. “maybe its because you still seem to have some serotonin left.” 

[lcnewclf]

there was an old saying about being an addict; it wasn’t the addiction that needed treating, but the problems that caused the addiction. and now? now those problems were being kicked right up again. it only took one person forgetting about zar to rehash the same old script again. you’re worthless, you’re a commodity, nobody can ever love you, you’re not even real-  it was a tune zar was sick of hearing and yet it still played every single time. 

he left the festival early, stomping back to the hotel, and it was there, in the lobby, that he saw cole. he should just acknowledge him, go back upstairs to stew, but... zar was still an addict, wasn’t he? to alcohol, to starving yourself, to oxycontin, or to love. he crossed to meet cole, smiling thinly, “hey. you heading back out to the festival?” 

@cole-lookwood

[lcnewclf]

GUS.

   gus was spending a whole lot of ton just letting loose during the festival, he was somehow covered in glitter, drinking, and found himself smoking weed every so often. at some point, he finds himself somewhere walking, turning back to somebody he was hanging out with, a laugh falling from his lips before he feels himself tripping over somebody. gus is still laughing, “oh, i’m so—” he stops, turning to look at the other person, his smile falling when he sees that it’s zar. “sorry, uh, sorry.” he mumbles. @lcnewclf​

zar was already in a bad mood; he should just leave the festival early for the day, at this point. he wasn’t going to have any fun, nor was he going to be any fun to be around. but, just as he was considering this, he bumped right into fucking gus. and while the two of them weren’t on... well, bad terms, they weren’t good, either. and maybe he was looking for a fight. “oh, no worries,” zar insists, unsmiling, “obviously, it was me who sucked all the joy out of the room.”

[lcnewclf]

ADORE.

       “i mean… would i really be able to? i’m not actually out and all that…” he said, shrugging his shoulders softly. there’s a raise of a brow, looking upon the other once more. something seemed a bit off and not entirely right, his brow relaxing a bit when the other started leaving. “hey, what’s the problem?” 

zar whirled around, could feel the words boiling out of his throat, stupid and petty and stop, stop, stop-. “if i don’t stop hearing your voice in the next five seconds i’m going to break your fucking nose. that’s the problem.” zar took a deep breath after that, realizing he’d just... threatened one of his only friends. and over what? a man? a man zar was too much of a fucking coward to confess his feelings towards? fuck, he really was a piece of work. 

[lcnewclf]

HELLO so im on but i probably won’t be for very long. i’ll be able to do one round of replies before i vanish, unfortunately, and any starters i owe. and then i’ll be answering messages. 

ALSO I FINALLY MOVED OUT OF THE PLACE THAT I WAS HELLA SU*CIDAL IN FOR FUCKING MONTHS I NEVER HAVE TO SEE IT AGAIN I HOPE IT BURNS TO THE GROUND!!!

[lcnewclf]

*

[lcnewclf]

      he nodded his head towards the words, “yeah, yeah we have.” he said. usually, he wasn’t going to admit this stuff. but, he probably wasn’t going to fully remember with all that alcohol that’s currently coursing through him. he shrugged his shoulders, “possibly, maybe.”

zar didn’t know why he kept having this conversation. every word just made him more and more incensed. as he flicked open his lighter, he realized his hands were shaking. he took a deep breath before lighting his cigarette, taking a puff, trying to chill out before replying. “oh? you’re not gonna commit?” it’s at that comment zar realizes he’s going to lose it, so he takes a step away, “whatever.” with that, he tries to leave. 

[lcnewclf]

MAEVE.

“i don’t think she’d know what’s going on.”  maeve said with a light tone.  her daughter had been to concerts before, since maeve’s friends and family were all over the hollywood scene–but still, it was different at a festival.  and maeve probably wouldn’t let avery near here for as long as she could.  “she’d probably just find remy, scotty, or mil, and make them sing to her.”  maeve laughed, it was true though.  maeve’s friends were often called upon to sing for the toddler, and avery loved hearing it–even conducting her own shows sometimes.  “oh, i’m sure you miss them like i miss avery, even if it’s a bit different.”  

zar smiles at that, soft. “well, i don’t think they’d mind. i mean... i think they’d mind missing their shows, but besides that.” zar knew that if he could carry a tune and a sweet little toddler asked him to sing, he’d definitely do it. like, easily. “i mean... yeah, i do. it may be different, but... it’s all love, i think.” zar nudges her, grinning, “but hey, we have the whole weekend in front of us and plenty to do. which tent are you heading to first?”