Prompt: “What is it about me that makes you hate me so much? ” and/or “ Why can’t you look at me? ” (Edgar/Olivia)
“Nothing about this is what I imagined it would be,” Edgar heard himself say. He and Liv weren’t the kind of couple who fought. More often than not, they failed to see eye to eye, but butting heads wasn’t fighting. Semantics, some would claim, but Edgar knew what it was like to fight and the kinds of disagreements they had hardly counted. They didn’t have the explosive blow outs that some couples had, the kinds that ended in wounds inflicted by painful fists and even more painful words.
So, the fact that they were currently having something that could only be classified as more intense than their usual disagreements was enough to unsettle him. “I’m not saying I expected marriage to be easy.” The sentiment was punctuated by a scoff.
“What exactly were you expecting,” Olivia asked, as he knew she would. It would be too much to expect her to sit quietly while he worked through whatever it was that was floating through his mind, whatever it was that he couldn’t quite get his mouth to say as yet.
“I don’t know, Olivia.”
Edgar turned on his heel, hand running through his hair, tangling in the longer strands that now hung disheveled in his face. He’d come home, gut a twisting, rioting storm of anxiety. He’d buzzed as if he’d been electrocuted and as the hours had passed, the sensation had gotten worse. Now, barefooted, and dressed in nothing more than an old pair of sweats, Edgar could hardly get himself to settle for bed. He hadn’t been this twisted up since his teenage years when he’d fallen for a boy with eyes that sparkled when he smiled and a laugh that brought sunshine to the darkest room. Since then, Edgar had learned to compartmentalize, to meditate until the world made sense and feelings could be controlled. Not that any of that mattered, he thought, as he paced a path around their bedroom.
“Why can’t you look at me?”
At her question, Edgar threw a look over his shoulder, sarcastic, unamused, daring. She was asking questions that he wasn’t quite ready to answer, asking without asking for him to be vulnerable with her, and he wasn’t quite there. It made him testy. Enough so that he was almost sure that the look on his face was more challenge than acquiescence. You want vulnerable, it said. I’ll show you vulnerable.
“I just wasn’t expecting this.” Edgar waved his hands in front of him, gaze locked with Liv’s, as he launched into what he hoped was a coherent explanation. “You. In my stuff.”
“I’d hardly say I’m in your things, Edgar.” Liv’s voice remained soft and patient, as if she was talking to their daughter, and maybe that was the worse part of it all. He was coming apart at the seams and somehow, through it all, his wife remained the picture of calm. “Not physically,” he explained, almost spat out. “Metaphorically. Emotionally, even. Being married to you is like standing in the middle of an oil spill. It doesn’t matter how much I try, it touches everything. Contaminates everything. And there’s no way to get it out.”
“What is it about me that makes you hate me so much?”
The words caused Edgar to stop short mid explanation, if what he had been doing could even be classified as such. It was as if he’d taken a gutshot, quick, unexpected; it knocked the wind out of him and caused his gaze to snap down to hers. Edgar was sure that he’d never seen that look in his wife’s eyes -- that torn look. He’d seen it in his mother’s eyes countless times before, but never, in the time that they’d been married, had he seen it in Olivia’s, and certainly not in response to something he’d said.
“I don’t. What would make you think that I hate you?” His voice was incredulous. He was shocked that she’d even think such a thing.
“Most people would take offense to being compared to an oil spill that contaminates everything, Edgar.” There was a matter of fact edge to her voice punctuated by a slight shrug of her shoulders. He watched as Liv made her way over to the side of the bed where Amelie slept in her bassinet, blissfully unaware of all that was happening around her.
“That’s not what I meant.” Even to his own ears it sounded like a paltry excuse. “I didn’t mean to compare you to an oil spill. Or a contaminant, for that matter.”
Liv’s eyebrow was raised and Edgar could see the question in her eyes. “I’m sorry, okay? I was careless with my words.” Careless wasn’t a word that usually described Edgar, but in that moment he knew that it applied. He’d been careless with his words, and by extension, his wife’s feelings. “I’m sorry,” he repeated as he took the few steps to the other side of the bed so that he was now positioned behind Olivia, close enough that she could touch him if she reached out, but far enough away that his energy wouldn’t disrupt her or Amelie.
“I don’t know what’s wrong with me,” he continued. “I just feel… off.” His voice was hushed, gaze resting on his daughter. From the moment he’d learned of her existence, she’d changed his world. She’d quickly become the most important thing to him. Amelie had given him purpose unlike anything else in his life, but being a husband and a father had unbalanced him. It had taken his neatly laid out life and upended it, and Edgar was still reeling in the aftermath.
“Try to get some sleep,” he finally said. Edgar took a single step forward so that his chest brushed against her back and dropped a kiss to the top of her head before turning towards the door. He’d order her flowers in the morning. She’d know what they meant. “I’ll be in my office.”
“You say that like you don’t have a big head yourself,” she said pretending to be miffed. “Hey, I don’t have to give birth to a puppy, okay? That’s already a plus. I mean I have nothing against giving birth, but I hear that it hurts.”
“I wouldn’t know,” Malachi offered even though he knew it was unhelpful. “I won’t ever say no to a dog, so this conversation was nearly pointless.”
“Don’t look at me like that,” she said with a nervous laugh. “I guess it is, but you can’t really help that, can you?” Shiv wanted to cry because she felt stupid. She wasn’t sure what was wrong with her, but this was something extremely new to her. “I just feel really dumb about it all too. I love him and I’m pretty sure he loves me, but I worry that in the midst of it all it’s ill fated or something. If I tell you something about him will you not freak out?”
“Ill fated would be in keeping with the trajectory of our lives,” Iain deadpanned. In their nearly forty years on the Earth, the Fitzpatrick twins had seen and experienced more misfortune and death than most people experienced in a lifetime. It was almost as if that children’s series had been inspired by them. Still, Iain liked to know that their history hadn’t made his twin jaded when it came to matters of the heart. “No promises made, but tell me anyway.”
“I’m just getting in my own head again about my relationship and everything. It’s just not usual that I’m throwing around the whole love word,” she said with a sigh. “Never thought I’d ever be like actually puking sick over it, but well, here I am. I love him and well, he’s nervous about meeting you, and I keep telling him not to be because you’re not very scary. Sorry about that.”
“The L word?” Iain was sure that his eyebrows had taken up residence in his hairline. "Isn’t it a little too soon for that?”
“I doubt she would eat any little buddies,” Zelda said while looking over at Malachi miffed. “I think it’d be fun to have a puppy around. They’re at least somewhat less work than a baby. I mean it’s easier to get a puppy than a baby too. Not sure if I’m too keen on pushing out a big headed kid.”
“If the kid ends up with a big head, it’ll be your fault,” Malachi laughed. He’d been doing that a lot more recently, and it worried him. Good days came in clusters, but were usually followed by bad days. “Puppies make messes and need to be trained just like babies. Are you sure you want that?”
Shiv sat down in a chair. “I keep throwing up and it’s gross, but other than that, I feel fine. I keep thinking it’s nerves or food poisoning or something,” she said, waving her hands around as she spoke. “It just really fucking sucks and I hope it passes because putting arrangements together and puking isn’t fun. I was just coming to check in on you too.”
Iain couldn’t remember the last time he’d been sick. There were days when he felt fatigued but that was usually because he hadn’t gotten enough sleep the night before. But actually sick... it must have been years. “What’s got you so nervous that you’re making yourself sick?”
Gray couldn’t help but smile when she laughed. He loved seeing her laugh, loved seeing her smile. He’d missed it over the years and if he was honest he wasn’t sure she’d flash those pearly whites again after everything. Somehow they had worked their way back, he’d snuck his way back into her life. “Technically not a doctor, just a vet, I never did get that MD in my name. Does the novel still work with a vet instead?” He winks to her and chuckles at her response. “Alright fair point, I’m a bit predictable. But what can I say Arabelle missed you”
“Oh of course not. No one finds the country vet attractive.” Magdalena playfully swatted at Gray’s shoulder. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d felt this comfortable on a date. She’d been on a few here and there but she’d always been preoccupied with worrying about Cara at home. Being with Gray, though, felt like it had before... before they’d fallen apart. “Arabelle missed me. Sure.”
“Hi,” she said, stepping in. “You want to hear something really weird?” The past week hadn’t been spectacular, and she was 90% sure she had the stomach flu or something, but no one in direct contact with her was sick, so she was even more confused.
“I’m sure you’ll tell me,” Iain answered as he trailed back into the apartment behind his sister. He loved her but their personalities were so different; Shiv had a habit of popping up when he most wanted to be alone. “It must have been urgent for you to just come over.”
“Wait… Were you thinking I was asking for a baby?” Zelda looked over at him amused. “I was thinking more like a little buddy for Athena, but I mean if you want a baby then I guess we could have one.” It was the perfect time to give him a hard time about the possibility of offspring.
“Yeah, gonna have to go with no for the baby.” It wasn’t that Malachi didn’t like children -- his god daughter was the best part of his life -- but he was definitely not ready to be anyone’s dad. There were days when he could barely function. He couldn’t imagine having to also worry about a child. Another dog though... “I’m pretty sure Athena would eat any little buddies you throw at her.”
Lorenzo smiled reaching to play with one of the curls around her face. He could see the apprehension on her face but he doubted there was anything that could change his view of her. She was an amazing person, someone who took their trials in life and tried to make something of it, who wanted to make the world better. Stroking her cheek softly he kisses her back. “I’m glad to hear it. I don’t know how many times I can sit through an Indiana Jones marathon to win you back after a ghosting?” He winks to her playfully. It was a lie, he’d sit through it any time just for her, even if it annoyed him.
“I’m sorry I scarred you with my ghosting,” she laughed. Theresa shifted her body so that she was tucked closely into side and draped her arm across his lap. She wasn’t typically the cuddling kind but in the time they’d been together, Lorenzo’s softness had begun to rub off on her. She bit her lip. This entire moment was making her feel things and she worried that she would say something that she wasn’t quite ready to say as yet. “Wanna watch a movie with me? You could even spend the night if you’d like.”
He couldn’t help but chuckle as she tweaked his nose. He’d never get tired of her messing with him. Growing up in their adopted family, they always stood out but they stood out together. “Hey You know i would never jeopardize his future friendships. Don’t you know that nerd is in? People love dinosaurs, you’ve seen Jurassic park”
Saraya wasn’t truly worried. If her son grew up to be half the man her brother was, she would be proud. Lorenzo was caring and thoughtful and gentle. He was brilliant and well spoken. Any mother would be proud to have a child like that. But she was his sister and it was her job to give him a hard time. “He’s going to be smarter than me soon if you keep this up.”
“You know what we need?” Zelda asked cheekily. She had thought about this for a while and decided now was as good enough time to broach the subject as any.
Malachi opened his eyes at the sound of Zelda’s voice. He’d been drifting off but the question had grasped his interest. “Hmm,” he hummed rolling on to his side. “If it’s small and cries, I’m going to have to say no.”
Shiv knocked on her brother’s door. She was hoping that he would at least answer it. It was common for her to stop by without announcing herself. She felt like sharing a womb with someone waived that whole formality. “Iain,” she said, continuing to knock.
Iain had planned for a quiet night (much like every other night) but the sound of his name being called from the other side of his door made it clear that that plan was now void. “Hello, Shiv,” he said as he opened the door. “Please. Come in.”
meet elijah loomis. he’s a 30 year old cisgender man who has lived in mistpitch all of his life. he’s a podcaster and museum guide who currently lives with his 3-year-old son in the elmira area.
meet iain fitzpatrick. he’s a 36 year old cisgender man who has lived in mistpitch for 06 months. he’s a detective and currently lives with his wife in the norfolk area.
meet annabel devin. she’s a 40 year old cisgender woman who has lived in mistpitch for 31 years. she’s the minister’s wife and a bee farmer/honey vendor. she currently lives in the downtown area.
MEET LINDSEY GALLAGHER. SHE’S A 33 YEAR OLD CISGENDER WOMAN WHO IS CURRENTLY VACATIONING IN MISTPITCH. SHE’S THE DAUGHTER OF A U.S. SENATOR AND IS CURRENTLY RESIDING IN THE ASCOT AREA.
