whatever this is, doesn't get any easier. and i have no patience for myself to grow around this grief– it was long overdue but i held on to that little hope that things might change between us, for the better. and that time never came, instead, i've just watched our conversations gradually fade... until it started to cause me pain i could no longer ignore.
times like this, i just wish i didn't have too much of a big heart – i rarely fall, but when i do, it's always deathly... at this age, i have learned to minimize expectations, to see things realistically, yet i end up, still falling for the same trap.
i just wish i could make the pain stop for a brief moment, to have clarity over what's just happened.
worst part of it all, was i knew i should've done this a long time ago, but i held on :(
Been a little over a year since I wrote this. To past me, I am happy and relieved that you stuck with your decision and let life happen.
While it was a lengthy process and there were many times you were close to giving up and were ready to go back to the hands that hurt you; I’m proud of you for living through this difficult decision.
Life continues to be shitty but it’s nice to finally genuinely believe that you can get through this.
Your teenage self won’t believe how you no longer are your own antagonist.
