Best Fictional Chef

You probably know me from my fantastic recipes in the Pikmin™ Franchise.

[leavethecookalone]

For this April fools day, I post.

[leavethecookalone]

I am going to cook you alive

You may try.

[leavethecookalone]

I hope you all enjoy your feasts as much as I likely shall enjoy mine. I'm unsure on if I'll be posting in-between this week due to my cooking and...Other matters.

But this will be the main post of this week.

[leavethecookalone]

With no assistance from the Captain, of course, I've been preparing a hearty feast for next week. It still irritates me so much that he's ignoring a sacred tradition of food. There is nothing else we celebrate on this holiday, just food.

[leavethecookalone]

The Grand Feast slowly arrives day by day.

My appetite grows with.

The Captain continues to disregard the best holiday of the year.

[leavethecookalone]

I cannot believe I was stuck in traffic back at my home planet..Don't they know? Don't they know who I am?!

The King of Bugs, that's who I am..

[leavethecookalone]

I tried some nectar the other day.

...The Pikmin have ZERO culinary taste.

[leavethecookalone]

4 AM post..

I don't know what I'm posting about. Ohh I remember, now..The Captain has started on ANOTHER tradition. And it's not even a good one. He's skipping the traditional feast and going straight to gift-giving. How irritating...

[leavethecookalone]

I woke up to what I thought was a bowl of sweets. Alas. Another one of those fraudulent schemes the Captain calls "Traditional" for this "Holiday." A hand sprouted out of the wrappers and it let out a wail. It didn't shock me for long..Out of sheer petty spite I'll add a tag for any of these here-on so people know that he's done nothing but torture me with his lies.

[leavethecookalone]

MINIGAAAAAAAAAAAAAMES

What are these "Minigames" you speak of?

[leavethecookalone]

Does the captain agree with your temperature assessments ?

If he did then he wouldn't be so joyous...

[leavethecookalone]

I know I said it was unnaturally warm before...But now I need to adorne myself in the most heatstroke-inducing clothing imaginable to stay well.

And the Captain keeps insisting upon "Tradition" of dressing up as critters around this planet...He should consider himself lucky with how I had already eaten. That costume would've fooled me!

[leavethecookalone]

This thing tickles my brain..

[leavethecookalone]

Why is this planet so unnaturally warm at this time? Usually it'd be room temperature on Hocotate..

[leavethecookalone]

Hey there, Louie!

I'm a pioneer workin' for FICSIT Inc. Awhile ago, I got shipped off to a faraway planet full'a dangerous wildlife to work my tail off for the company's profit, riskin' my life in the process.

Relatable, 'm I right?

Anyway, after I took down one a' the hostile local critters, I realized it's got pretty good meat on its bones. Figured you could teach me how ta cook it up! It'd be a good change a' pace from all the plain ol' beryl nuts n' paleberries...

Any recipe ideas'll be mighty appreciated; thank ya kindly!

https://satisfactory.fandom.com/wiki/Fluffy-tailed_Hog?file=Fluffy-tailed_Hog.png

Interesting..Yes, I can provide.

First, cleave off any tougher scales (primarily of the purple variety) and shave the hair off of everything but the tail.

Sever said tail and either dispose of it or hang it on your mantle, I care little for what you do with it.

Prepare the dish via cutting from the torso of the creature and the upper sections of the legs. Suggestion is grilling, though you can experiment. After all, I've never seen such a creature, so preparation is for you to decide.

Anything else might be a waste, but if you want a few suggestions, I'd advise cooking the legs as well, assuming you're cooking for multiple. To do so, slice the legs horizontally in circular slabs before promptly boiling and or grilling.

Thank you for the ask. Enjoy your meal on the job.

[leavethecookalone]

Hey, stupid! Local indie developer here, you may have heard of me, that's besides the point! In my latest treasure hunting adventure, I was collecting gems in this big blue lake. All of a sudden, I heard something swimming as this big stupid thing took a bite out of me! I lost all of those gems that I spent vigorous minutes collecting, how annoying! So, I'm planning to take my revenge by seeing how it likes having a bite taken out of it instead. Turn it into whatever, I don't care! (But I HIGHLY encourage garlic-based recipes.)

Rightt..Okay..What am I looking at here.

Due to the..Frog appearance, we'll go with a similar dish. I might have to wing it due to this creature's confusing existence to me, so we'll start via severing the creature's limbs, boil those as you prepare the rest of the dish.

Hollow out the body, sever the head, remove eyes. I suggest grilling the eyes as well upon being removed. You may keep the head for any reason, but I'd just advise utilizing certain sections of it for the food.

As of now the legs should be half-boiled due to the beast's size. Grab some garlic and cut up into equal segments.

Once finished, chop up the arms (This is important to do AFTER the boiling..) and set up the sides you have obtained for the head, or alternatively cluster them together into one meal. Set your garlic on top in a spread and enjoy.

[leavethecookalone]

Currently writing TWO recipes for both a fan and a video game studio..Yeesh. Who would've expected this many?