disconnect and self destruct

" lying to yourself again , suicidal imbecile " ( the outsider , a perfect circle )

[leaving-with-the-next-train]

“ I Hope You Think About Me Sometimes “

dan || 5teen || he/him || system of 10

ventblog — former jiraiblog “beg4help”

dni if you just want to be mean. i block freely.

mostly ran by reign (🪽)

uhhh . list of things wrong w me ig

diagnosed : GAD (severe) , MDD (moderate) , ADHD - hyperactive (mild) , FDIS with Hypochondria Symptoms

in process of diagnosis : ASD , potential OCD , potential AvPD

tags :

#the lonesome conductor 🚂 - posts about struggles with friendships and romantic relationships

#lay on the track 🚂 - posts about self harm and / or desires to induce sickness/injury

#back of the train 🚂 - posts about social anxiety

#evening on the track 🚂 - posts about depression

#listen for the whistle 🚂 - general posts

#from the capitol 🚂 - reblogs from my main

[0mgkawa11ange1]

i want to cut i like need to cut fuck

[yourpatchofwiltingflowers]

fresh cuts, with lots of blood, and very visible blade

ACTUAL GENUINE BLOOD JOYOUS DAY THIS IS THE BEST DAY EVER AH AH EEEEEEEE =:333

AND WHILE ON CALL WITH MY DEAREST! THIS IS THE BEST DAY EVER! IT EVEN CONGRATULATED ME!!!!!!

EDIT WHILE MAKING THIS MY MOM FUCKING TEXTED ME WHILE TAGGING THIS SHITTTT

[suntinted]

[bandalbitch]

im sorry that was a bad joke. i can kill myself if you want

[leaving-with-the-next-train]

its been too long since i cut but my mom quit her job so i just. Dont Have Time

im sick of her being over all the time, bothering me. its not even just that shes there its that shes constantly calling me lazy or something.

she doesn’t even bother to think about it. i feel like shit, and i feel even more like shit for hating her for it

[leaving-with-the-next-train]

i hate how easy it is to be good for some people.

i have to try to just be okay. i cant even be honest. im so inherently bad

[kumkaniudaku]

And then you can’t even say shit about bc people start trying to put you in a jacket and shit. Like omg it’s so strict???

[leaving-with-the-next-train]

couldnt bring my blades so were going a week without cvttng

GHHHHGHGHGG

[leaving-with-the-next-train]

there is a pain greater than not being loved. and it is the pain of being loved by people who dont think you deserve it

[n0tpochi]

When someone says "im always there for you",

💔💔💔

[leaving-with-the-next-train]

i miss my crutches

i miss my cane

i miss feeling supported

my legs still hurt and im not even sure if its real, or if im making it all up.

i exaggerated the first time. some of the pain was real, i know that. but five months i lied about it.

and part of me wishes to go back to lying. to the crutches. to the cane. to the support

i remember running for the first time, though, after i told my truth.

that was nice.

[leaving-with-the-next-train]

tw shitty vent art abstractly depicting csa

such friendly faces

(piece depicts different people who have sa’d me, along with words i remember them saying to me)

[leaving-with-the-next-train]

my mom makes it very clear she thinks im an ugly piece of shit

i know. and sorry

[leaving-with-the-next-train]

“this is your time to leave shblr”

mmmm???? no………. i dont thibk i will

[leaving-with-the-next-train]

“you’re not undesirable!!!! you just haven’t met the right person!!!!”

im a transgender, mentally unstable, isolative depressed alterhuman system with an ugly ahh body. my ex left me because he would rather try to turn an uninterested straight guy gay than keep dating me

i have had 3 crushes on people in the last four months, none of them interested in me and all of them openly viewing me as a freak.

i have a pile of friends that all believe im “kinda ugly but cute” and none of them even enjoy talking to me because im boring.

so. idk. maybe the right person will find me.

[virtualposts]

"What's that on your thighs?"