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ouc-h-deactivated20180811

me: maybe it’s ok

my mind 10 min. later: everything fucked

So many thoughts and not enough words. I feared his death for so long that by the time it finally came, I was ready for it and I didn’t have the capacity to feel anything else.

Holding onto the memory of my dad without being tainted by his progressing disabilities and failing memory has been so hard. I’ve watched him become a different man.

He’s missed so much of my life. Arguably some of the most defining years of my life. My 18 year old self would be proud of my current self. And so would he.

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rohie-deactivated20191102

me? overreacting? probably

quotemadness

“You get a strange feeling when you’re about to leave a place. Like you’ll not only miss the people you love but you’ll miss the person you are now at this time and this place, because you’ll never be this way ever again.”

— Azar Nafisi

tamper

dribbblepopular

i got into nursing school!!!!!

eight years ago, i was dying to go to oxy. i meet my forever friends, get out, pay off my debts, get a nice job and am now contemplating to leave it all behind to pursue my existential crisis

classic

creatingnikki

Dear 20 year old me,

You’re doing so well. Don’t stress about things that I need to be stressing about. Don’t stress about figuring your career all out and succeeding at it all within the span of 5 years. I know 25 seems far away now but it’s still very young. I’m not asking you to waste your time or party with people and get wasted because that’s what people think is to be done in their 20s. However, I am asking you to take it slow.

20s is not the only decade you can do what you want to. You have your 30s and 40s. So don’t stress so much. You are going to be alive for longer than these ten years.

Don’t cancel out opportunities in your head just because you have convinced yourself you’re not good enough. APPLY. For everything you want to do. That masters program in that kick ass college, that exciting writing project, that brilliant job, asking that cute guy out. DO IT. The answer might be no but if you don’t try it will never be a yes anyway.

I know because of the kind of people you have met until now you think you’re never going to believe in friendship again or have a set of wonderful friends again. College and school are not the only places and time you can make friends. You’re going to meet people throughout your life and I know, if not ten new friends every decade, you will meet at least one that you know is worth trying again for. Friendships blossom in unexpected ways with unexpected people and that doesn’t have an age limit.

I understand why it’s easy to feel that you will never truly be in love and happy. I cannot and will not guarantee you a soulmate or sell you dreams of ‘the one’ but I will tell you this: you can have many great loves in your life and they don’t have to last forever to be true. We all want one happy ending, but having multiple happy chapters leading up to the end isn’t a bad thing. I’m not saying neither will last, all I am saying is that you don’t have to love only one.

I want to end by saying that YOUR LIFE IS YOURS TO LIVE. People will oppose, gossip, look down upon, try to restrict the things you want to do BUT a little fight for what you want will get it to you. No one can stop you from the life you want to live other than when you convince yourself that they can. Eat fries, eat cake, eat candy. AND exercise. Those two are not mutually exclusive, you know. I know it hurts your heart to switch over to ebooks but just because you get a kindle doesn’t mean you can never buy physical copies. Dance more even if in your room alone. Don’t drink alcohol because you think that’s the norm. Give people a chance, don’t let your past experiences taint your current ones. If they fuck up, you can think what to do with them then, but until them, don’t already write them off. However, the one person you must keep giving multiple chances to is yourself. You’re trying.

Love Always, Your 30 year old self (or at least what I believe I will look back and want to say at that age)

nothing but empty promises my mom is such a let down

selflovewarrior

you’re allowed to settle for a calm life, despite people on social media making it seem like you should do all these adventurous things. you don’t have to travel far and wide in order to be happy. you don’t have to have an amazing career in order to be proud of who you are and your life. live your life the way you want to, calm lives are good. a calm life is what i’m aiming for.

kipplekipple

The same goes for your job, too. You don’t have to have enormous goals, you don’t have to be dedicated to a career. And for relationships! You don’t have to get married to be valid, or even be in a relationship, or have sex. Your job is to live your life, and to make that life as satisfying to you as you can.