lee ꩜

° . 𔘓𔓘꩜ . ° love diary 🍎🐞🧸

[papayajuan2019]

part of accepting love for me also requires accepting grief, dissolution. my pets will die, my friends may drift from me, lovers may have a change of heart. none of it makes the love in vain. part of accepting love is accepting movement. but love is mostly letting myself get lost in the moment, i am learning. letting myself be fully alive in the now. i dont always need to think that far ahead all the time. the potential exists now.

[leew4shere]

and suddenly it's december and you're not 17 and you've never been 17 for a long time

in a gleaming and usual darkness of night, december always arrives quietly, like it's afraid to interrupt the life i've been endlessly and busy surviving. one moment, i am counting deadlines, heartbreaks, and stuffs to accomplish before the day ends. and along with it, is the strange grief of remembering. remembering who i was when time felt generous and infinite. when it felt seventeen was not a memory that keeps popping out of my photo albums, but a place i once lived in.

seventeen is an experience that comes with a rush in its hands. at seventeen, everything felt unfinished in a hopeful way. dreams were vividly alive and loud, mistakes were allowed, and the future was something i could touch without fear and doubt. at that moment, i once thought becoming older meant becoming certain. no confusions, no mixed paths—just one linear road to certainty and maturity. i thought clarity would come with my age, that by now i'd almost know exactly who am i and where this road could lead me. but then, december came across and it teaches me the opposite of what i thought. december arrives with a news that growing up is not a straight line like how i always knew—it's a series of returns to moments i thought i have outgrown.

i am older now, yes, but not necessarily braver. i carry quieter hopes, more careful love, and fears within my bones that i didn't know how to define and name back then. i've learned how to stay, how to leave, how to pretend that i am okay even if i am not. i've lost parts of myself, not all at once, but slowly in the process of small compromises i've made just to keep pushing. just to keep going and going and going.

and yet, somewhere inside of me, seventeen still exists in the ways that i feel nostalgic for things i can't fully remember. in the way december makes my chest feel heavy for no apparent reason. in the way i still wonder if i'm doing the life right. the difference now is i no longer rush to become someone else, instead i am learning how to forgive the person i've been becoming all along.

in its gentlest form, december doesn't ask me to go back. it simply asks me to look for pieces to notice. to sit with ache, the growth, the unfinished dreams that survived despite everything. i am not seventeen anymore and i haven't been seventeen for a long time, but i am still here. still learning, still becoming. and maybe that is what growing up really mirrors. that carrying all your former selves gently into the future, even when the year ends, and time keeps moving forward.

[aletheyass]

so sorry i have listening to music in my underwear scheduled for tonight

[theinternetarchive]

titled 'you, human, come here!' c. 1950s.

[parisdimi]

i hope that i learn to love someone more than i love you.

when wedding bells chime and wisteria flowers bloom, beneath a warm sky painted with strokes of vibrant cerulean blue, i pray that i don’t miss you.

it’s a silent wish, one whispered into the void, borne from the depths of my soul and whispered into the emptiest of nights.

i pray that when the day arrives, when i stand at the threshold of matrimony, i will not be haunted by the ghost of what once was.

not once will i think of you—i will not miss the intricacies of your being, nor will they slip through the cracks of memory. i will not think of the way your eyes crinkle at the corners when you smile, the way your pearly whites show with each one. not the way hands feel beneath my own, the skin raised slightly around the tattoo on your ring finger.

i was meant to cover it with a band of my own.

not once will i wonder what our cabinets would look like, the shelves lined with carefully constructed containers—ones you were always so meticulous about. perhaps nestled among them would be a box of matcha tea, your favorite, waiting to be brewed into steaming cups of comfort on lazy sunday mornings. we’d have them with hotteok, the sweet pancakes you promised you’d make for me.

i hope that these feelings wash away with the waters of time. when the day comes where i can look at another without searching for your gaze in the depths of theirs,

i pray that i never once look back ; — yshro.

[leew4shere]

i think the most romantic love language is the language of trying

[lottieslittleblog]

mentally, i am here.

[cruellesummer]

all the glamour and the trauma and the fuckin' melodrama

[sentimentalbeing2001]

Sometimes I forget that people can only meet you as far as they have met with themselves. If someone is being unkind, they struggle with being kind with themselves. If someone is being closed off, it is because they are having trouble connecting with themselves. Being aware of this reminds me to be patient with myself and others. In order to nurture others in a healthy manner, we must first be able to do that for ourselves.

[sproutlett]

i am a different person than who i was last year. my hair is longer and i cry less and i am stronger. i am a different person than who i was six months ago. i am free and different and am embracing change. i am a different person than who i was a month ago. i sit in the sunlight without worry and i don’t let things stick and i look up and smile. i am a different person than who i was last week. i explore more and look at the sky and laugh more. i am a different person than who i was yesterday. i let go and breathe. i am whole.

[kosmogrl]

there are people that I think I was just meant to find regardless of the pain that comes while reminiscing about them

[inanotherunivrse]

in another universe, my window is open and im laying on my floor. i am 12 years old. nothing bad has happened to me.

[fairycosmos]

i know happiness isn't constant for anyone but like i would like to become acquainted with the bitch

[toiyich-deactivated20240107]

[godstiel]

the song of the summer is call me maybe, for the eleventh consecutive year,

[leew4shere]

call me maybe but its that jpegmafia cover lol

[ruhlare]

i know life has left you cold, but i'm here to warm your hands and i won't stop holding them, even if it takes a lifetime for you to get warm. i will be patient with you ‐ i will stay with you longer than your sorrows and worries. i know, on some days you even find it hard to look into the mirror, but i will be here and looking into your eyes and admire all your scars. i will love you until you realize your own worth. you will see what i see in you and start falling in love with yourself. we will grow and heal together and forget about all the pain that kept us up at night. we will replace tears of sadness with tears of joy.

[sweatermuppet]

dreamy sigh followed by agonized sobbing