He called me last night, out of the blue and when he said “Hello?” I felt something, it had been so long since I’d heard his voice. It took me a moment to gather my bearings but finally I said “Hello” too.
I shouldn’t have answered the call, I know, but it’s him… Him. Something about it felt so wrong yet so right, crazy right? There was silence for a minute or two, just listening to him breathe felt like home to me. “I heard,” he said. “Are you happy?“
I am and I’m not. You see, I still miss the boy I never once forgot, I loved him an awful lot but now I have another, I get on well with his mother, he cares like no other, never causes me any grief, never makes me shout and plead, I never need to beg him not to leave, he’s pretty damn loyal you see.
“Yes,” I told him. “I think so.”
He let out a sigh, already I felt the urge to cry. “That’s all I ever wanted for you, I just wanted you to be happy.”
“I know,” I said to him. “I miss you.”
There was a brief moment of silence and then he said “I miss you too, I think I probably will forever.”
It was true for me too, I had to let him know. “I’m always going to miss you,” I said. “I never wanted to let you go.”
“I know,” he told me. “But I’m glad that you did, I became someone unrecognizable and I loved you enough to know you deserved much better and I’m happy you’ve got that now.”
“Thank you.” I whispered.
“I love you,” he said. “I won’t ever call again but I love you, you have to know that and I’m sorry, sorry for the way it was at the end, sorry for everything. Be happy, okay? Have a great life, I love you.”
I never got the chance to respond, by the time I opened my mouth and thought of something to say in response he was already gone, had disconnected the call. “I love you too,” I whispered down the phone to no one at all but I couldn’t help but feel as if he had heard me anyway, even though there was no longer anyone on the other end of the phone.
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