Hello! I am Rie I write things while gushing about fandoms I love. This is my main blog, mostly devoted to sharing things I wrote and taking some drabble requests!
Yulma Week 2018
Day 2: Protea - change, transformation, courage
Title: A real purpose of courage.
Fandom: D. Gray-Man.
Pairings: Alma Karma/Yuu Kanda.
Words: 1.5K.
Summary: It might be so hard to talk and to stay alive without being brave. Canon divergence.
Read it on AO3
«What is it?» Alma asks him still, not looking at him and still gazing absent-mindedly at the crowded station their train is about to leave. He is still not in the best condition, but they had no time to waste staying at one place. And it's not Alma's physical weakness which is pretty obvious after all the years of unconsciousness. After all the horrible experiments the Order forced on him.
«Told you, it's nothing...»
«Yuu», Alma's seemingly disinterested in anything voice finally changes its tone and it`s such a relief to hear it.
Because what Kanda fears the most somewhere deep inside, looking at that lack of emotions on Alma's face is that he regrets staying alive. Because living hurts, but what hurts the most now is watching Alma giving the world that cold gaze Kanda recognizes too well as he has been seeing it in the mirror for the past ten years.
Yulma Week 2018
Day 1: Lavender - Silence, Solitude, Devotion.
Title: Silence that kills from the inside.
Fandom: D. Gray-Man.
Pairings: Alma Karma/Yuu Kanda.
Words: 1.7K.
Summary: Alma knows that his feelings might kill him, but he is too afraid of not being loved back to confess them anyway. Hanahakibyou AU.
Read it on AO3 | Check a fanart based on this fic
There's no reason for some flower petals to stuck in his throat, scratching and itching from the inside. But they still keep appearing there for several years.
«I really do not understand how it works. But if there was no regeneration, guess I would have been dead long ago...»
«You wouldn't even have last for a year», Komui nods as he is looking through researches. His voice is shaking and breaks into pauses as if he tries to find words to such (to his mind) a delicate topic. «There is no medicine to cure this illness... Not until the patient... cures themselves.»
«Yeah, or until they die in pain because they know their feelings for someone are not mutual, but they are still not able to move on», Alma raises his hands, because he finds it easier to accept the whole reason behind this stupid conversation. So he stands up from his chair, heading to the door. «Sounds like a perfect death, I am taking it, are we done now?»
He was lonely, but he couldn’t figure it out whether it was good or bad. He was not alone after all. There were people around him. As he understood, he was one of reasons they actually gathered together. So he felt a little bit guilty. It must be very boring for such nice people to stuck in this dark place just because of him.
They hurt him too, but wasn’t that for his own best? Wasn’t that for the sake of the whole world he still knows so little about, but he will learn with a help of all the books he has to read. So it was not really boring when there was no one around him in a room with pools with his future friends sleeping peacefully.
He was asked if he felt lonely as if it was sad, but he couldn’t figure out why. Of course he wanted for someone else to wake up. So there would be someone else to read along with him. Or to share meals with. And there was surely enough space for someone else in a room where he slept. He couldn’t wait until there was someone to experience all of his simple life together.
So he waited for that person in a silent devotion. And it was lonely, but it was not sad. There was too much hope somewhere deep inside of his chest. He wished to share all of the knowledge he learnt from books. He wondered if it would make him some kind of mentor to that person, as he would be the elder one. He giggled quietly to those thoughts. Because he didn’t want anyone to hurry up waking up. Or they would have become angry at him for destroying their sleep, wouldn’t they?
So his awaiting for someone felt nice. It was a warm feeling, familiar for some reason. As he used to wait for someone already. Long long time ago…
He couldn’t understand why people think of loneliness as of a sad thing until Yuu woke up. But after his awakening, Alma learns its how hurtful it is in short days.
Being pushed away by a person you want to reach out hurts. Being afraid of them leaving you hurts. But Yuu is still worth of all of these pain and fears.
Because he has woken up after all. Because Yuu is here to share the darkness of this place, and the meals and the room they both sleep in now. So his dream has come true.
So he is not lonely even when there is a silence anymore.
(Happy Yulma week to everyone! This a part one of short ficlets I am about to write to celebrate this wonderful event!
I need to check my main blog info there... Still, I am so happy that yulma week is happening that I couldn't resist writing a small piece before I get a bigger fic to post. So wait for it too!
I am (surprisingly) still alive, and I think it would be nice if I made some posts about my life, so you will know how I am doing if you don’t follow me on Twitter.
I am not putting the link for my twitter though, not because I don’t want to, but following me there means succumbing yourself into a big RT multifandom spam and no one deserves this hell, haha.
Sometimes I feel myself guilty for being such a multifandom person, but there is nothing I can do about it. I love so many things because so many series make me happy, that I feel like I am losing my focus from time to time.
So this time I am going to make sideblogs, so you will be able to follow me for one certain fandom. But this is going to be a little bit later, as I am still trying to manage my university things. But it will be more comfortable I guess!
This main blog I am going to use for posting my own works and stuff. And I sure am participating in Yulma Week! I still can’t believe we are doing it and I am so happy??? It really inspired me and helped me to break some block I had with writing for dgm once again. So I hope it will get better!
Thanks for your attention and I hope I won’t forget to write an update the next week!
Summary: Alternative Universe, in which Kadoc summons Anastasia in St.Petersburg
Read it on AO3
Some people call St. Petersburg an actual Northern Venice. But to Kadoc, it's enough to breath in the cold wind and to feel it freezing his lungs to understand.
To him St. Petersburg is nothing but a northern disaster.
He expects Anastasia to be offended by his opinion when he answers her question of whether he likes her native city or not. For a brief moment he is almost interested in seeing her offended.
He wonders if the cold dignity of her royal facade will finally fall off like a mask and he will finally see the capricious princess she is actually supposed to be. He almost wants to see her pouty face and red cheeks, but he brushes away such a strange thought.
Not to mention that to his surprise, Anastasia just laughs. Yeah, it is just a surprise. It's not like he is disappointed or anything.
"So that's what you think, Master," - she says as she keeps on giggling at him. - "Fine, fine. I will take it."
Kadoc just rolls his eyes. He doesn't like Caster's tendency to win their short conversations. But maybe it's just a stupid paranoia of him, to think that his Servant might betray him only because of her love for weird jokes.
"Shouldn't you royals should be protecting your pride or something like that?" - he wonders while Anastasia is standing in front of a mirror in their hotel room. What on Earth she has been doing there for so long? It feels like a couple of hours has passed already.
"We do protect our pride, foolish Master," - Anastasia answers at last, her eyes are still focused on checking every detail of her terribly expensive dress she made him buy for her in one of shops on that Nevsky prospect. - "However, it makes no sense to deny the flaws we have. I am just wondering why don't you like it? Maybe it's not rich enough for your standards?"
"Quit talking to mage as if mages have standards of ordinary humans," - he snaps, but he almost regrets it as he sees Anastasia's smile fading away from her pale lips.
"I beg your pardon, Master," - Caster sighs, her voice still sounds like a fragile ice breaking under rays of sunshine. - "It is just me, being an ordinary human once I was alive..."
God damn it, now he feels ashamed. Kadoc scratches his head, trying to figure out what he should do now (and why on Earth was he so unlucky to get some young princess instead of someone really royal and powerful?)
And then, once again her quiet giggle fills the room.
"Or maybe not being an ordinary human, I was a princess after all!"
Lord, give him the strength to deal with this girl as Caster is the only chance for him to... To achieve at least something in his life, maybe.
"Your city is cold," - Kadoc hears his own voice before feeling his lips moving. - "It's not about the weather, not only about the weather, I mean."
St. Petersburg sure is filled with waters of endless rains and rivers locked in a stoned cage of channels, but there is something more. Something more that disturbs his magic and makes Kadoc feel even more miserable than he usually does.
"It's cold as if I am on a funeral," he says finally something he might have been afraid of admitting to even himself. But Caster demanded honesty from him once they made a contract. "And this funeral is going to last for all eternity."
Maybe this is the main reason their relationship is so weird. Kadoc has never been this painfully honest to anyone and it feels like he is sitting there completely naked.
It doesn't help much that he feels her staring at his reflection in the mirror with those clear as shattered glass eyes of her.
This glance is not cold, though.And it doesn't even seem to be a mocking one.
"For me it is almost the same, you know," - she notices with a calm voice. "This city of your modern world is just like a cemetery of my own Petersburg. The one that was my home."
And now she is standing on its ruins. Maybe it was way too heartless of him, to summon her in this city simply because he wanted his Servant to be as strong as possible, feeding the power of their birthplace. But he can't say he regrets it. He wants to win. Whatever it takes him, he wants to win at all costs.
"But hey, doesn't it make me an actual ghost?" he almost feels relief when he hears Anastasia’s giggle. "Wouldn't that be funny to crawl into the palace and to scare off some of these clever people who study my family's private life?"
"We have no time for that," Kadoc tries to give her a severe look, but he fails as he notices the girl's puffed cheeks as she turns to him with a capricious face.
"You are a coward, Master," - dear Lord, did her skin become slightly more pink? It's barely seen but it is still... No, it's not cute at all!
"And you are way too fond of jokes," he answers but he already knows he will get a proud smile of a royalty Anastasia belongs to.
"We lived in a sad country, as you have noticed. So we had to laugh in order to forget our miseries."
For some reason, Kadoc has never thought of such a foolish and naive solution.
"It also helps to get warmer," Anastasia adds, pointing out a finger confidently. "Come on, Master, put a smile on that face of yours!"
"No way, I am not doing such a stupid thing!"
Kadoc still feels himself warmer for some reason. Even when Anastasia calls him a stubborn coward once again.
I decided to change some things in my life to make it more comfortable, so I made a new tumblr! Yeah, right, I know, it is probably not gonna work the way I want it, but... Who knows? Let’s give it a try at least.
