No Longer Alive

[frogcabbage]

"Kill them with kindess" Wrong. Hemolytic injector. 🩸💉🩸💉🩸💉🩸💉🩸💉🩸💉🩸

[netunokinoart]

Do you guys ever think about dying? ✨

click here to buy the print with my current illustration

[vivianvivvia]

snake pit troubleshooters

[lemonhoneyhouse]

Woah woah woah woah im unlovable??? Crazy shit man.

[lemonhoneyhouse]

Im nothing

[lemonhoneyhouse]

I dont think im going to survive another year

[lemonhoneyhouse]

I dont feel good about the life im living and im in it too deep to change anything.

[lemonhoneyhouse]

I fucking hate myself in every version of my life

[lemonhoneyhouse]

Therapy is difficult for me because i feel like im complaining. Its a bad things, like its to the point where i feel like im embarrassing myself and being annoying if i even write my feelings in a journal. Like i want attention. Which is stupid. I just…i cant i dont think therapy is right for me. Because all it will do is confirm my worst fears.

[lemonhoneyhouse]

I dont like therapy because im a chronic liar

[lemonhoneyhouse]

GOD I HATE EVERYTHING I WISH I WAS FUCKING DRAD I CANNOT STAND ANOTHER MINUTE OF BEING FUCKING ALIVE

[lemonhoneyhouse]

Fuck fuck fuck

[lemonhoneyhouse]

I was born a vessel. To be filled and used by whoever holds me in their hands. i offer myself for greater purpose, oh let me be the chalice that holds the blood of christ and i will do my job well i assure you.

I do everything in my power to be and stay perfect.

But the vessel runneth over and i am no longer perfect, i drop and shatter into millions of pieces. I try and put the pieces back but it always ends up wrong. So i fix myself into a shape the resembles a vessel, one with cracks and missing pieces, and it can hold its weight yet will slowly leak, dripping onto the floor until its empty once more.

People are starting to notice, and soon enough they will stop trying to fill me. I am no use to them after all.

[lemonhoneyhouse]

I want the world to burn. I want to destroy anything and everything that angers me. I want to sink my teeth into flesh and rip out chunks of skin. I want to smash a hole in the wall and destroy cities. My anger knows no bounds.

But i stay silent. I play the perfect person.

If only others would too.

[lemonhoneyhouse]

But why am i always the one that has to be patient. Why am i always the one who holds my tongue and acts with grace and kindness.

[lemonhoneyhouse]

I need to have patience for others because i know they wont understand

[lemonhoneyhouse]

I mimic those around me.

I watch them eat, breath, work, play.

I do the same, only, if you look closely, its not quiet right.

I chew too quickly, swallowing without tasting.

My lungs do not expand fsr enough. Or maybe they expand too much.

The work i do is founded upon lies, a rushed cover to an empty manuscriptz

I smile and laugh without any feeling in the actions.

I mimic as much as i can, but at the end of the night, my lips dont open, my eyes dont blink, i do not speak or move or do anything jut sit in the quiet solitude of my own making.