Memory Lane

John Green once said, “What’s the point of being alive if you don’t at least try to do something remarkable? How very odd, to believe God gave you life, and yet not think that life asks more of you than watching TV.”

[lemonmello]

09 · 05 · 2023

i wish that you’d knew. my scattering atoms can’t help but wanting you desperately. to be connected. to be whatever they call us in as we feel the inexhaustible happiness whenever our eyes met.

anyway, can i hold your hands?

[lemonmello]

Hati atau Ego?

hati dan ego saya berjalan tak selaras sebagaimana mestinya. hati saya terus meyakini jika bertahan adalah sebuah langkah tepat yang harus saya ambil. sedangkan ego saya menginginkan agar saya bisa menghilang dan melepaskan semuanya untuk nantinya kau cari. kontras, bukan?

tetapi dengan melihat kondisimu saat ini, mengikuti ego bukanlah sebuah hal yang tepat untuk dilakukan. saya sadar betul bagaimana jiwamu terlalu rapuh untuk memikirkan esok hari, bagaimana langkahmu terlalu terseok untuk mengejar saya jikalau memang saya menuruti kata ego saya, dan bagaimana nafasmu terlalu tersenggal hanya untuk bertahan.

saat ini saya hanya mampu termenung di dalam kamar hotel, ditemani dua botol bir yang anehnya sama sekali tidak berhasil untuk menenangkan pikiran saya; memikirkan segala kemungkinan yang mungkin terjadi, memikirkan bagaimana saya bisa memiliki ketakutan-ketakutan tak berdasar, bagaimana langkah selanjutnya yang harus saya ambil agar kita sama-sama diuntungkan.

[lemonmello]

give me a minute so that i can tell you a bunch of truth where my heart never lies when it comes to you. your existence is something i can’t never resist easily just like a stone which always stood there in the first place. you are indelible, my love.

[fairydrowning]

Perhaps love is just eating strawberries with your favorite person or peeling tangerines for someone you love. Perhaps, love is stored in understanding someone or it's stored in holding hands. Perhaps, love is just stored in watching TV together on a Sunday night.

[lemonmello]

and perhaps love is something ordinary rather than something way too difficult to embrace. perhaps love can be found inside us too.

[lemonmello]

[lemonmello]

[lemonmello]

Loved and Lost

under the influence of the dayspring, a great truth was keeping me alive to have you beside me was such a great thing, that I could go anywhere to strive

under the influence of the sun, I remember of how I held your hand before I am now longing for the fun just like once we had on the kitchen floor

under the influence of the moon, you were gone long time ago right before I could give a hi to the noon and the time only passes slow

your love has left me on earth and it only show violence to know whether you are really worth to be reason for me to grow in silence

[lemonmello]

He Fell in Love with the Idea of Love, Not Me

i was lulled by the soft touch

of his lips over my collarbone

of how he was, on the couch

until my mouth sprayed out a groan

ㅤ

it was merely a hushed hum and a peck

yet i couldn’t lie my heart a wreck

overly when his voice came like a symphony

until my head spun dizzily

ㅤ

here came through one huge tide,

which pushed me deeper to the sea of regret

when i gasped for breath to decide

whether he was a home or a threat

ㅤ

i kept think, and think, and think

and he stopped, stared without even blink

saying if i was okay

because we only got half way

ㅤ

i whined to my youth

soon before i asked him to comply

that i was merely a beautiful truth

within his terrible lie

[lemonmello]

mine and thine and mine

for my eyes halt only for ye

in every step our hands twine

never in such a wee

ㅤ

i’d rather flee than stay here

while thee remain gone

but don’t worry, my dear

never ever we were drawn

[lemonmello]

Two Years

“Wait,” she said.

He stopped for a while, staring into her eyes as if he wanted to know what she is going to say or do. Little she knew, he tried to guess; because reading her mind became his favourite lately. It seemed like he was all jazzed up by her.

Two years was enough for him to keep his little secret called feeling without no one knew about it.

“What do you want to say earlier?”

“Ah, about that?”

She nodded, waiting for his turn to spit his thoughts out because earlier she had her chance first.

“It’s nothing. You just asked about the question I’ve been holding so far.”

He lied.

Despite, he grinned to relieve her from her thoughts. He despised himself in his heart, but he was certain that the right time would come someday to ask the question he had wanted to ask earlier.

Two years is not a short time, but it is not a big deal for him either.

[lemonmello]

promises, promises

robbed you out

of innocence

told you things

‘bout the unknown

[lemonmello]

What a poetic way to tell someone that their love is everlasting.

[lemonmello]

British Political System

In United Kingdom, national parliament and government become the main organization that run for the country. The national parliament and government also make all the political decisions which make them very crucial for United Kingdom. There are 650 Member of Parliaments that each member representing different constituencies. In other words, United Kingdom have 650 constituencies because the country divided into these parliamentary constituencies. People who live inside the UK have to register themselves to vote, because everyone has the right to vote.

Each constituency may have different candidates. A candidate can be one, six, or seven, and each of them might represent different political parties. Still, people only need to vote on one candidate in each election which will be held in every five years. The purpose of the election is to make people have the choice and decide a person who will become a local to sit on the Member of Parliament.

Inside the seat of Member of Parliament, not all of them came from the same Political Parties, they can come from different Political Parties. For the example, there are Green, Labour Socialist, Liberal Democrat, Conservative Tory, and UKIP. Labour Socialist, Liberal Democrat, Conservative Tory have major people in the Member of Parliament. Meanwhile Green and UKIP only have one person or minor seat in the Member of Parliament, because they are new and small Political Party. There are also some terms used in Political Party; “left-wing” and “right-wing.” Green and Labour Socialist usually called as “left-wing”. Conservative Tory and UKIP are “right-wing”. They categorized as that because they usually have the sight from “left-wing” or “right-wing” views. Not to forget to mention that Liberal Democrat is fairly middle. Thus, Liberal Democrat does not always become major party, but they are the central Political Party in the United Kingdom’s political system. These views are always dynamic from time to time, because each party may be the same party but they interest and ideas could change.

All the 650 Member of Parliaments could come from any of those as well as the national constituencies, because the national parties are not from England only, but all United Kingdom countries like Wales, Scotland, and Northern Ireland. Only Wales, Scotland, and Northern Ireland are part of the United Kingdom; the rest of Ireland, and the Republic of Ireland, are not because they are distinct, republics, and have their own political systems. There are also few independents candidate that does not belong to any party.

All of the 650 Member of Parliaments, they have to form a government from that. It's usually decided by who has the most votes. Because they have a majority of members in the House of Commons, the Conservatives have now become the government in 2017. On election day in 2015, the entire country voted to determine who deserved to sit in Member of Parliament seats, and Conservative Tory triumphed. In 2010, no single party had a majority, hence a coalition was established. They had to work together to establish a government and manage the country as a coalition. However, in 2015, the Liberal Democrats lost their majority and popularity as the Conservatives gained more seats. The Conservative Tory Party now forms the government, with the other parties acting as the opposition. It is as though the other party is attempting to balance the government. They ask questions and try to stop the government from doing something, and they are fairly forceful in their approach.

The Green Party is mainly concerned with environmental issues. Labour Socialists are more concerned in what they refer to as “working people,” implying that they belong to a class that is now obsolete. The Liberal Democrats have lost their popularity and are no longer visible. Conservatives, who now hold the majority of seats in the House of Commons, now control the government and answer questions, attempting to strike a balance. UKIP (United Kingdom Independence Party) was founded expressly to urge people in the United Kingdom to vote to leave the European Union. “That’s insane, why would a country leave the European Union?” many said when UKIP was founded years ago. But, over time, more and more people began to listen to them, and referendums were held. People were given the opportunity to vote on whether they wanted to stay in the European Union or exit. Because the number of persons voting to leave the EU was somewhat larger than those voting to stay in the European Union, the result was extremely close. Brexit is the result of the referendum. Brexit refers to the United Kingdom’s secession from the European Union. As a result, the British people are still negotiating with the European Union, which may be described as a long, tedious, and convoluted process. In other words, the British people are still in the process of exiting the European Union owing to UKIP. But then there is the question of what UKIP will do next. Will UKIP come up with a new plan, or will they simply fade away because their leader left and they now have two new leaders who are not as good as the previous one?

Local councils exist in the United Kingdom as well. If you live in London, for example, you will be aware that the city has 30 local councils due to its size. London is separated into several districts. Local council elections will take place every four years. Each councillor is separated into wards, which are local districts. A ward may have two or three councillors. Elected Members (the Council) and administrative personnel make decisions, carry out projects, and provide services on behalf of the community. The Council, which is made up of the Mayor and Ward Councillors, is the decision-making body for the city’s administration and management. The Mayor and Councillors represent the community’s interests and are ultimately accountable for the Council’s operations, budget distribution, and service delivery. Elected Members vote on whether or not to take action on problems brought before the Council.

Last but not least, as we done with these serious topics, there are also jokes that happened among this political system. The Official Monster Raving Loony Party (OMRLP) is a British political party founded in 1983 by David Sutch, commonly known as “Screaming Lord Sutch, 3rd Earl of Harrow,” or simply “Lord Sutch.” It is known for its purposefully absurd policies, and it effectively exists to satirise British politics and to present itself as an option to protest voters, particularly in seats where the party in power is unlikely to lose a safe seat.

[lemonmello]

The Bourgeois and Proletariat in A Serial Cartoon Spongebob Squarepants

Marxism in general can be identified as a socioeconomic analysis method that employs a materialist interpretation of historical development to comprehend class relations and social conflict, as well as a dialectical perspective to view social transformation. Karl Marx, the philosopher of Marxism, once advocated for a class struggle or class conflict. The terms bourgeoisie and proletariat are used to describe this class struggle. Marx said that the bourgeoisie had all power by controlling wealth and the means of production, forcing the proletariat to choose dangerous, low-paying tasks in order to survive. Despite its numerical superiority, the proletariat was powerless to resist the bourgeoisie’s will. This class struggle can be seen in the famous cartoon series, Spongebob Squarepants.

Spongebob and Squidward received their paychecks from Mr. Spongebob on that day, according to Spongebob Squarepants in an episode titled Krusty Krab Unfair. In this episode, Mr. Krabs, the owner of the Krusty Krab restaurant, takes on the role of a bourgeois, while Squidward and Spongebob, both of whom work as restaurant employees, take on the part of the proletariat. Spongebob attempted to return his pay check to Mr. Krabs at the time of salary distribution, claiming that he only returned the money he owed to Mr. Krabs. Spongebob mentions this when he says in the opening minute, “I’m just giving Mr. Krabs the money I owe him,” and gestures counting the amount of money he has gotten to pay back to Mr. Krabs. 

It is clear that Mr. Krabs has been using Spongebob for his personal gain, which in this case is in the form of money. Mr. Krabs attempts everything he can to achieve greater power and authority. He manipulates Spongebob without Spongebob even realizing it. Spongebob thinks if giving his paychecks was normal after all. However, Mr. Krabs, for example, refuses to give Squidward his time off and puts him to work non-stop behind the cashier desk. “I don’t pay you to breathe,” Mr. Krabs stated sarcastically at the beginning of the episode. The bourgeoisie’s role is pretty clear here. 

Spongebob, as a member of the proletariat, was powerless and had no choice but to give up his entire pay, despite the fact that it was his right. Furthermore, Squidward, who never gets his vacation time. Squidward, on the other hand, is sensitive and dissatisfied with Mr. Krabs’ bourgeois status. He encourages Spongebob to band together as workers and do something to oppose Mr. Krabs’ oppression. “We’ve got to unite as workers and demand the respect we deserve from the boss,” Squidward remarked in the first minute 16-18 seconds. After that, he asked Spongebob to do something that the proletariat does when they feel oppressed by their commanders: “in fact, you and I should go on strike.” They protested by shrieking and waving a sign that says about their protest in front of the Krusty Krab so that all the fish on the Bikini Bottom who passing by would know who Mr. Krabs was or how Spongebob and Squidward tied Mr. Krabs with a rope and threw it away because Mr. Krabs are eaten by humans on land. Spongebob and Squidward are attempting to reclaim their rights that Mr. Krabs has usurped. Finally, they were able to make Mr. Krabs pay for his deeds. Spongebob and Squidward were likewise able to receive what they desired and wished for, but were unable to do so because to injustices Mr. Krabs had done to Squidward, for example, wants to spend his vacation resting and relaxing.

Finally, one of the episodes of the Spongebob Squarepants cartoon series called Krusty Krab Unfair succeeded in depicting the class conflict that stems from Marxism’s theory. Mr. Krabs, who pretends to be bourgeois in order to profit himself, and Spongebob and Squidward, who pretend to be proletarian.

[lemonmello]

The Psychology Perspective from Reluca Silbu’s the Runner

The Runner tells the story of an athlete girl who becomes a runner. At the beginning of the story, she feels that no one considers her existence. She felt as if she was nothing. This is also reinforced when her mother seems to fail to meet her inner needs. By this, I attempt to analyze this short narrative using Adlerian psychology theory. When examined through the lens of Adlerian psychology, The Runner’s story can be dissected in terms of inferiority and or inadequacy, as well as how she overcomes them. Finally, we will get to see what she receives in the end.

An inferiority complex is a psychological term for a severe personal sensation of inadequacy that often leads to the conviction that one is deficient or inferior to others (Adler, 1907). A sense of inferiority, according to Alfred Adler, can be caused by a child’s upbringing, physical and mental limits, or experiences of lower social position (Hoffman, 2020). In this story, the main character lacks her mother’s attention and explanation of why her father left them when she was only three years old.

I wanted to cry in disappointment and tell her that I hate to be always last to be picked up and never have her come to my meets, school plays, or anything else; ask her why she won't make time for me (8th paragraph).

…wanted to say: “Is that it? Why aren’t you proud of me? All other parents are here, why aren’t you?” but all I did was “OK, see you soon.” Does she see me? Do I matter? (5th paragraph).

Her jaw had stayed clenched since we came to this country as Mom would say: “with two pieces of luggage, a three-year-old (me), and $700.” My father did not come, and every time I asked about that, she answered, “let’s not talk about it.” That’s how we solve all our problems: we don’t talk about “it.” (9th paragraph).

These are proofs that become the root of her other problems like how she feels if she was nothing and nobody seemed to see her.

I was there all the time, but nobody seemed to see me. (2nd paragraph)

When the compensating process fails, feelings of inadequacy grow stronger. She begins to believe he has no control over the situation. She has been battling for recompense to the point where it is no longer adequate. This leads to overcompensation, in which her fixation on achieving her goal becomes exaggerated and pathological. This is increasingly demonstrated by the main character’s behavior when she eventually decides to give up everything and speaks her entire mind.

I pick up and run to the finish line to not be disqualified, although my world has just ended. I have let everybody down. I run outside crying and hide. My legs are all bloody, but that’s not what hurts. I disappointed everybody (26th paragraph).

“I will quit the team. Nobody will want me; I let everybody down.” (29th paragraph).

Her mother provided her with the consolation she craved after she tried to say if she had given up on everything. The main character of the short story The Runner gains self-esteem when the core cause of the problem is identified and resolved. Her perspective of herself shifted, and she was able to resume living a fulfilling life.

“No, love! That is not true. You had the best time in the race. It was an accident.” She continues her logical argument to make me feel good, but I hear only her soft voice. I vaguely remember this velvety voice, coming as a warm embrace at me, and then everything comes out between sobs: “You’re… never at my meets… always late… don’t talk…about father… you don’t have time… you’re not proud of me.” My Mother blinks, and her voice drops: “I wanted to build a stronger boat for the two of us, to be secure, but I can change a lot of this. And, I love you and am proud of you every second of every day.” (30th paragraph).

The next day we go back to the track for the last day of the event. I’m nervous, but everybody acts as if nothing happened, and they talk with me; they see me. Did I lose my invisibility? I’m grateful, but I have a pit in my stomach when I see the track (32nd paragraph).Finally, the main character in the short story The Runner has an inadequacy and/or inferiority issue. However, as a means of resolving the problem, the compensation provided allows the protagonist to regain his confidence. This is aligned with Alfred Adlerian’s theory.

[lemonmello]

Maslow Psychology Perspective From The Pursuit Of Happyness (2006)

Chris Gardner, the main character in the film Pursuit of Happiness, had lost everything in a financial crisis. He and his child ended up in a homeless shelter. Because he was unable to maintain his child and wife due to his lack of money, his wife left him. He is motivated to fight until the very end to get out of this circumstance. Chris was motivated by the fact that he needed to feed and care for his child. One of the most powerful motivations a person may have is to feed and grow a child properly. Chris’ kids reminded him on a daily basis of the importance of succeeding and regaining control of his life. Chris was not just motivated, but he also had a great attitude and was self-assured. He would not have become the successful stock broker he is today if it were not for his confidence and attitude. He would not have even made it into the internship if it hadn't been for his confidence and attitude.

Chris’ son was left homeless after he fell on hard times financially. Chris manipulates a full-time unpaid internship while raising his son in a difficult situation. When Chris and his son decide to play basketball one day, Chris tells his kid that he once dreamed of becoming an NBA basketball player but realized it was impossible and had to give up. Chris, on the other hand, has a change of heart and gives his son a talk motivating him to always give it his all and not to let anyone put him down. Chris says to his son, “Don’t let anybody tell you, you can’t do something. Even me,” “You gotta dream, you gotta protect it… You want something? Go get it. Period.”

Chris is portrayed as a person who is incredibly determined in this film. According to psychology, in order to be determined, you must allow your mind to make the decision that you must persevere to the end. It's similar to setting a goal that you must achieve. It could be beneficial and detrimental. As an example, when Chris ran out of money to pay his rent, he did not simply tell the landowner that he relinquishes his responsibility to pay the rent. Instead, he told the landowner that he would pay him the money, which he did; he was so determined to pay his rent that he even painted the walls of his apartment to make money so that he could pay it.

Another example of determination is when Chris entrusted one of his bone scanners to a hippy girl, and when the hippy ran away with the scanner, he did not lose faith. He chases after her and eventually gets his scanner. The third example of determination is when Chris kept calling despite the fact that many people, including his manager, kept distracting him from his work and turning him down, but he never gave up and ended up getting business from a CEO of a large corporation, demonstrating the value of determination.

Chris Gardner had faith in himself and was determined not to give up. Throughout his life, he was an extremely cheerful and cheerful person who never gave up. He made up his mind about what he wanted to do and then went ahead and did it. He was genuinely positive, and he went to great lengths to care for his child as a single dad. Another illustration of Chris Gardner’s optimistic and hopeful individualism is when he took a chance on an internship with no pay, and he took the job despite the fact that he was literally broke. He was neither dismayed or discouraged when one of his scanners broke.

Chris was hovering at the bottom of Maslow’s pyramid since he did not have a permanent shelter where he and his son could dwell, and he had very little money for food. He was insecure because he didn't have a job. Despite all of these unpleasant experiences, Chris’ self-esteem was high, as seen in the film when he went up for an interview without a shirt on with paint all over his body and hair and was still chosen. The reason for this is because he is very confident and has a strong belief in himself, thus he is respected by others as well.

[lemonmello]

Defense Mechanism Inside Poe’s The Black Cat

The Black Cat is a classic dark gothic short story by The Great American writer, Edgar Allan Poe. It tells the story of a narrator who had a cat but it died. The narrator was unable to shake his sorrow back then. When the narrator took alcohol, he indicates if he was the cat’s killer. The narrator has another black cat that has the same color, but he is unable to manage the black cat’s affection and makes the tale has an awful dark end. In short, we know that the narrator shows a defense mechanism as a coping with his guilt and anxiety after what he did before (Schacter, 2011).

The narrator states at the beginning of the story if he did not want to say all in detail. This shows how his first defense mechanism is repression along with his explanation, “In their consequences, these events have terrified—have tortured—have destroyed me. Yet I will not attempt to expound them. To me, they have presented little but horror—to many they will seem less terrible than baroques.” (p. 3). The narrator explains that it is a nightmare for him even though he may think that the story is less scary than any other overblown story. Repression tends to block unpleasant emotions or memories from his conscious mind (Freud, 1894) when he starts to tell his story especially when he says, “Yet I will not attempt to expound them.”

The second defense mechanism shown in this short story is displacement. Displacement is a psychological defense mechanism in which an individual directs a negative emotion away from its source and toward a less dangerous recipient (Weiner, 2012). When one’s basic emotions are unable to be expressed, some people use displacement to satisfy their Id by directing them towards another person, animal, or object near them.  A classic example of displacement is when the narrator dealt with his anxiety by turning to alcohol; he drank such a wine to forget about his crime of killing his cat. Poe (1843) wrote that, “I again plunged into excess, and soon drowned in wine all memory of the deed.” (p. 5) The alcohol represents less dangerous objects for the narrator when showing an outlet for “memory of the deed” which refers to his memory when he killed his black cat.

After showing how the narrator carried out a displacement, he also carried out another defense mechanism, namely denial. Denial is a defensive mechanism proposed by Anna Freud that entails a refusal to acknowledge the fact, thus obstructing knowledge of external events. If a situation becomes too much for an individual to handle, they will refuse to perceive it or deny that it exists (Freud, 1937). The narrator refuses to believe the real evidence. “―but it was, at best, a feeble and equivocal feeling, and the soul remained untouched.” (p. 5) A person who used this defense mechanism refuses to acknowledge the fact of what triggered the anxiety, claiming that his denial is the evidence. The narrator denied that he suffers from anxiety. To calm himself down, he told himself that he does not feel guilty after causing harm to his cat. It was done to help him relax.

Last but not least, projection defense was illustrated in the utterance. According to Karen R. Koenig, M.Ed, LCSW, unconsciously, attributing unwanted feelings or characteristics people do not like about themselves to someone or something else is known as projection. With a statement, the narrator says, “Upon its head, with red extended mouth and solitary eye of fire, sat the hideous beast whose craft had seduced me into murder, and whose informing voice had consigned me to the hangman. I had walled the monster up within the tomb.” (p. 14) he is prone to blaming the cat for his faults. The narrator blames the cat for turning him into a murderer. He also added an exaggerated explanation as if the black cat looked evil like a monster. While in reality, he was entirely to blame.

We use defensive mechanisms to shield ourselves from anxiety and guilt that emerge when we are threatened or when our id or superego becomes overly demanding. Defense mechanisms work on an unconscious level to help the person avoid bad feelings (such as anxiety) or make things feel better. In Poe’s short story there is four defense mechanism which the narrator does as a coping from his anxiety after killing his cat; repression, displacement, denial, projection.

REFERENCES

Freud, A. (1937). The Ego and the mechanisms of defense, London: Hogarth Press and Institute of Psycho-Analysis.

Freud, S. (1894). The Neuro-Psychoses of Defense (1): Complete Works of Sigmund Freud, SE vol. 3.

Schacter, Daniel L. (2011). Psychology Second Edition. 41 Madison Avenue, New York, NY 10010: Worth Publishers (pp. 482–483). Retrieved from https://archive.org/details/psychology0000scha/page/482/mode/2up

Weiner B. (2012). Human Motivation. New York: Springer Science & Business Media; p. 119-123.