me talking about having no friends :)
I’ve been feeling really down lately and I think most of it stems from not feeling like I have many close friends, at home or at school. At school it’s much better because I do have a good group, but I often think that with my girl friends I don’t relate to them very much or that we have different outlooks on life. They really focus on school and activities and don’t have much tolerance for “fun”...not just partying fun but even hanging out together or going out and doing things. My guy friends definitely love to have fun but I feel more like an outsider with them. I have to invite myself to their hangouts and I’m usually the only girl there, and I end up getting quiet and feeling out of place. I love hanging out as a whole group but the other girls get tired of the guys very quickly, and end up leaving one by one, and then I’m back to the issue of being alone. This also sucks when actually going out to parties because I don’t feel super comfortable going without a girl “buddy”, but none of my girl friends like to go to parties.
Despite all that, being at home is really melancholy. I love my mom so much so getting to spend time with her is a blessing, and sometimes my sister is nice to hang out with but it’s hit or miss with her. She’s often moody and doesn’t want to spend time with me, which really hurts because I’ve always wanted a closer relationship with her. I have very few friends from high school at home. The small group I was close with last summer is kind of broken apart, as the other girl isn’t home this summer, and the two guys only hang out with their other big group of friends these days. Of my other two good friends, one isn’t home for the summer either and the other I’ve been hanging out with once a week or so. She’s great and all, but there are difficulties. We don’t live close to each other, I work weekdays and she works weekends, so there’s never time to really spend a day together. She is also very self-centered (not in a malicious way but she will just talk over you and not really realize it) and has a mental disorder that usually ends up being the topic of conversation. I don’t mind it at all but it can be draining.
Other than that I don’t really hang out with anyone. I used to really enjoy being by myself but as I’ve gotten older I’ve realized that I’m a lot more extroverted that I once thought. I think the thing that gets to me the most is social media though. Seeing people either having fun more extravagantly (going to music festivals, traveling, fancy restaurants, etc) makes me feel shitty because neither my family nor I make that kind of money. And then seeing people just having fun with their friends makes me feel even worse, because I easily could be doing that, I just don’t have the friends. It’s so embarrassing when my boyfriend snapchats me a video of him out in the city or hanging out with all his friends and I either just don’t respond or send him a pic of my whatever boring thing I’m doing then. I really don’t know how to move forward right now. I know I need to expand my friend group, but I don’t know how to do that at home when my only contact with people is at my job where everyone is 10-20 years older than me. I’m really tired of feeling lonely and I don’t want to regret living like this.
