My Dad has just been cremated a few days ago. As I sit here, memories replay back. Someone has surprised and touched me very much with her kindness. I think this the best place as my outlet to pour out my feelings, mixture of guilt, regret and gratitude - knowing that you are in this community. This girl was once the victim of our bullying during primary school days. And yes for the concetive 6 years. I remember how it started was a girl in our class accused our victim - of stealing her eraser in P1. Since then, we labelled her as thief and could not see her eye to eye. We would wet balls of toilet paper and throw it at her. We make the boys call her all sorts of names. One boy in our gang even push her into the koi pond once during recess break when she helped the auntie to feed the kois. It did came around that the girl who accuse our victim simply misplace her eraser elsewhere, but as the kids we were back then, we didn't stop. Somehow I think guilt turn into anger and we all wanted to make life more miserable for this girl. P3 came and we all had our chosen ccas. Her first cca was basketball. And she play well despite being on the bigger size scale. One of my gangmates was in the same team as her, and couldn't stand her. Every friday at the end of the day when we gather together, we would listen with hate as my gangmate talk about how well she was doing in the team and how the coach would always praise her. We would steal her bag left unattended during recess, take her textbooks dump one in one different dustbin each. Stole her stationaries. Vanderlise other of her belongings. We hated her even more when she behaved like nothing hurt her, smiling everyday. When we saw she had gotten herself new textbooks, we had this thought that she thinks she is rich, could afford to buy anything she please. And we stole her wallet once every two weeks if we had the opportunity. We took her cash. We told her that she was pathetic when she was seen talking to stray dogs and cats that loiter in behind the basketball court. It came to the point that she took her bag with her during recess. We always mocked her because she looks like a giant tortise. All our bags were not as bulky as hers because we would leave some of our books under our table, but she could not as she knows her books would go missing. During cca, she would be the first to arrive (to hide her things) and the last to leave so that no one knows where she hide her belongings. When we noticed she brought lunch from home with her, we would throw, step on her food and left it there for her to see. We started to move on onto physical damage. Towards the ending of P4, the gangmate who was in the same bb team as her, during one tournament, had trip her over, slamming her shoe into our victim's knee during the chaos with the opp team. To our delight back then, her kneecap was dislocated and was out of school for 2 months for treatment. Due to the injury, she had to drop out of basketball. When she return to school, she was told that she still needed a cca to accumulate grade points, and there she went into Brownies. Gradually, she put on weight due to the fact she couldn't participate in sports and mostly had to sit out for excercises and games during PE lessons. During P5, we had another victim on our list, JJ, who was already obesed and slightly rude which put us off. When practices for 2.4km run for the NAFA tests came, JJ was always the last to come in, having the whole cohort wait for her. On the actual day of nafa test, our victim got up and participate in the 2.4 run. Nearing the end, she did not went ahead. Instead she went back and helped JJ, encouraging her till the finish line and that for the first time, JJ was not the only one who came in last. We were angered by her actions. That she was showing off, trying to act kind. JJ and our victim became close friends and we couldn't stand it. We were overjoy when the two of them were called to join the new turf club system that year. JJ once got into a physical fight after school with one of my gang guys, and when he tried to use the penknife to cut JJ, our victim came in to defend her new found friend. They were heavily outmatched and not to mention, fat, unlike being fit like us. Somehow our victim managed to get them both out of the situation, lucky them, we got bored so we gave up on the chase. Over the next few weeks, we wanted new excitement. We decided that since JJ was the weaker one, we would make her turn her back against our victim. We slowly work our plan. We were friends with the most popular guy back then in school. We paid him to ask JJ out and date her for 2 months, in the midst, he was to brainwash JJ. He agreed. As we thought, JJ fell for the trick. She was overjoyed, never in her life would she imagined the most popular hunk in our school would ask a fat girl like her out. She listened to his every requests. After 1 and half week of "sweet" dating, all he did was told her that her best friend - our victim, told him to dump JJ because she herself wants him. JJ was furious, and that was all it took to broke the friendship they had. When the 2 months was up, our popular guy broke it off with poor JJ. What we did not expect was that, JJ, with all her heartbreak and anger, insist to join our gang because she wants revenge on her ex-friend. Although we really didn't want her to join, we let her in. In P6, seeing that it was the last year, we all created hell for our victim. We made her suffer both physical and mental. We went into different secondary schools, some of my gangmates and I were in the same school. We still heard about her during our 1st year in Sec 1, and sometimes we cursed her silently. Then we grew up and gradually we forgot her existence. Years later, I was randomly scrolling facebook, an alumni was created for our primary school. I found back old friends and yes, I found the existence of our victim. She definitely changed a lot in terms of appearance. I added her out of curiosity and to my surprise she added me back. However we didn't talk until only recently in April. My Dad was diagnosed with liver failure this April. He was a really healthy man and so this news shocked my entire family. I posted an appeal status for help, asking anyone with a suitable liver to help. While the news of my dad shocked, I was more shock when this girl, once our victim, was the first few who came and shared my status. The very next day, her lover came forth to ask me for more details but was unable to help since the ideal blood group was not met. My dad, having fight his illness for more than a month, passed away peacefully a few days ago. We held a funeral and once again, I wrote another status that if anyone wants to come, they could pm me. Guess what? She pmed me. While I had been in contact with the gangmates of back then who are my friends now, none of them came nor asked how I was doing. Yet, she came. The first thing she did after she paid her respects to my Dad, was to hug me and that was when I broke down in tears. I sat us down at the furtherest table after that, and we catch up. Every ounce of my being screamed guilt. She was just as kind as ever. I had so many questions in my head but the one that I most wanted to ask was, how did she endured those 6 years. Her reply was, her dog. Through the catch up, I received another shocking news that JJ was no longer with us in this world. She committed suicide during the start of Sec 2 and our victim was there for her funeral. While she broke this news, her eyes behind those contacts, held a certain kind of sadness I couldn't put to words. This is a really long story and I thank those who read until the end. I was an immatured kid back then and the person who should have hated me the most, did not and even came forth to help me. I will not disclose her name here as I do not know if her past was something she wants people to know. BLCY, if you are reading this, I would to say that I am truly sorry for how I treated you. I was the gang's leader, afterall. Thank you also for trying to help me and for showing up. You have grown into a beautiful woman - helping, encouraging, loving people and beautifying faces as you go. Please continue to do what you are doing. What I have done is something not a simple sorry could amend. I have inflicted an injury that would be with you for the rest of your life. I pray that one day, you will receive the happiness that you deserve. You are God's sent angel. Thank you, BL.
