<3 My babies
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we're not kids anymore.

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@lesleycline321
<3 My babies
My perfect boy.
90’s Ryan Gosling
At 24...
Sometimes I feel so old. Sometimes I let the negative things outweigh all the good in my life, and trust me, there is so much good. I thought by this time in my life, I’d be crazy successful. I would be married to the man of my dreams who is just as successful as I am, and we’d be throwing around the idea of turning our little family of 2 into a family of 3. I thought I would have it all together. I wouldn’t worry about money because hello, I’m crazy successful, remember? I would have a new, black jeep cherokee with heated leather seats and a sun roof, a kitchen designed exactly the way I wanted it, and more room in our home than Mr. Wonderful and I needed. Life would be exactly the way I planned it at 24 years old.
You see, I grew up in a town where 24 is getting old. Oh, you’re not married? Well, are you seeing anyone? You bought a house? By yourself? People used to get these looks on their faces when I answered those questions. It was like they just asked a recently divorced man “How’s the wife?” Awkwarddddd. They’d respond with something like, “Well, that’s ok, honey. You just haven’t met the right guy yet,” or “Well, good for you, you don’t need a man.” As much as they’d say it, I knew they didn’t mean it. I needed a man. I needed to get married and have babies and settle down into the life I would have for the rest of forever. I didn’t fit in to the life everyone else pictured me in. I didn’t want to listen to the negativity, but I did. I wanted to be happy with the way my life was, but I wasn’t. I was (and still am) confused about where my life was going and that didn’t seem ok with everyone else.
What I know now is that 24 is young. At this age, I should be confused. I should be taking risks and making mistakes and working on making my list of regrets as short as possible. At 24 years old, I should be following the plan God has for me regardless of how crazy it seems to everyone else. I should have my head in the clouds. I should dream big and live like today is the last day I’ll have. I should spend time with friends, because as busy as life is now, it will only get worse. I should drown out the negative noise. I should put my phone down and spend time with those who matter. I shouldn’t waste my time with people who are only a part of my life for a season. Life is going so fast. The days don’t drag on like they used to. The years are shorter than they ever have been and longer than they ever will be again. At 24 years old, I need to slow down. I need to enjoy the life God has made for me and keep listening to the voice that tells me where to go from here. Right now, He tells me to wait. He says “Hold still. I’m working.”
If you’re like me and life isn’t what you thought it would be, thank God for that. It doesn’t matter if you’re 24, 34, 45, or 72. Humans aren’t made to be planners. Our plans suck compared to what God has in store. The man I would’ve settled for before, he’s nothing compared to the man God made for me. That jeep would’ve ran so smoothly that I would have never needed to make visits to my daddy’s house for him to check it out, and maybe then I would have missed out on precious moments with him and my mom. Successful doesn’t mean happy. Money doesn’t mean security. Fitting into the life everyone has in mind for you will only make you miserable and cause you to miss out on the blessings God has awaiting you. Do what makes you happy. Don’t let the world tell you that you’re not good enough, because God is telling you every single day that you are. Where you are doesn’t matter. Who you are and WHOSE you are is what really matters. Trust God, and love yourself. Those are the two most essential pieces of knowledge I can give you. Trust God. Love yourself.
One year ago today.
Doctor’s Orders
I heard someone the other day say, “God is the ultimate physician.” It’s a statement I’ve heard before, but it’s never struck me like it did this time. We don’t care what the doctor reports say. We know that God can change things, because God is the ultimate healer... or at least, that’s what we say.
The question is, however, if God is the ultimate physician, why do we still fail to trust him in all areas of our lives. Think of it this way. You go to the doctor because you’re feeling pretty crappy. Sinus infection, maybe. The doctor says all you need is a shot and you’ll be in tip top shape. “Shoot me, doc!” Actually, it’s not even the doctor, but the nurse with her 2 year degree that jabs the needle into your arms. Regardless, he/she was right. You feel better the next day and you’re back to work in no time. Thanks Doc! Maybe it’s something worse. Knee replacement. Doc says he’s going to go in, replace your knee with some manmade substance (by a man you don’t know btw). Recovery is going to suck. You’ll be off your feet for a while and feel worse before you’ll feel better, but eventually, you’ll be walking around like a new person. Cancer. You go through radiation. You lose your hair. You’re weak. You’re sick. You don’t even know what is going into your body or how it’s helping. It doesn’t feel like it’s helping, but the doctor said it will, so it must.
You put all your trust into these hands. You put your life into hands of strangers. You take pills and treatments with no idea as to how they’re helping or what’s in them, because you were told without them you would die. Or maybe you wouldn’t die. Maybe you just wouldn’t be able to walk. Maybe you’d lose a limb or an eye or whatever, but you will do whatever it takes to protect this physical body. This casing. But you see, that’s all it is. Casing. A temporary home for your eternal soul. The soul to which you feed negativity, hatred, pornography, drugs, depression, selfishness, resentment, fear, insecurity, unforgiveness. You live with these things day after day, feeling hopeless, feeling like there’s no way out. If only there were a doctor for that. If only there was someone to tell you how to fight off these illnesses and once and for all be cured... But there is.
You just don’t trust this doctor. You want to know the whys and the what fors. You want to question again and again, make excuses, and put things off. You don’t ask Dr. Hassleburger what’s in the shot he wants to give you. You just take it, because he knows more than you do. You don’t read up on every single treatment we receive, ask for copies of certifications from the technicians, and still question their every move. When they say, “It’ll get worse before it gets better,” you don’t throw in the towel and say “forget it!” You have faith that they know what they’re doing and that it will in fact get better. But with God, you ask for affirmation after affirmation and still don’t listen to his calling. You focus on the “worse” part and search for something instantaneous yet fleeting. You sacrifice your soul for it’s housing. Why do you keep doing this to yourself? Why can’t you trust the God of life? Why can’t you put our soul, your life into the hand of the ultimate physician. He’s given you a guidebook and offered eternity if you will only take it. “Trust in the Lord, your God, with ALL your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In ALL your ways, submit to Him and He will make your paths straight.” -Proverbs 3:5-6. Start caring more for your soul than your body. Focus on your eternal life rather than our earthly one. Make the most of your time. Make it God’s time.
25 Deadly Animals Caught Being Cute
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You know what, Jess? Stop! You’re manipulating me, he’s manipulating me, and I’m getting confused!
Love: Part 2
I previously wrote something about God's love, about how we, as humans, can never understand the immensity of the love our Father has for us. What I didn't mention, however, is that we have to try and keep trying to understand His love. You see, we think He loves the way we love. We think of it as more of a obligation rather than true, genuine compassion. God promised to love us and He has to keep his promises so yeah, He loves me.
How many times have we used that old cliche "I love (insert person who rubs you the wrong way here), but I don't have to like them." We use it with family. We use it with people in the church. We use it with at least one person in every setting we are in throughout the day, because we know that we are supposed to show everyone love, but that doesn't mean we have to feel it, right? We go through life thinking that that's how God feels about us, that He made a promise to love us, but that doesn't mean He likes us. He answers our prayers to get us to shut up. He lets us go through the valleys because we didn't quite reach His standards. You see, that's what the enemy wants you to think! Satan tries every single day to keep you from God, and if he can't keep you from Him, he will do everything he can to make sure you don't reach your full potential in your divine plan.
It's kind of like the one potato chip thing. You're on a diet. Things are going great. Celery is your new favorite food and your bff's with the fitness instructor. And then someone offers you a potato chip and you eat it. Well, crap! You've just messed up your whole diet, might as well eat the whole bag! And that's what Satan tells you. You've already messed up once, you've already believed one lie, might as well throw in the towel. That's why it's important to keep fighting! We are inevitably going to indulge in that one potato chip. They're salty and delicious and possibly laced with crack cocaine they're so addicting.
Ok, we aren't talking about potato chips. We're talking about sin. We are talking about lies. We are talking about the lies you believe and how infectious they are to your life. They rob you of hope. They steal your peace and all belief that things are going to get better. THINGS. ARE. GOING. TO. GET. BETTER. I promise. Don't let the enemy steal your joy. Don't buy into the lies. Invest in the truth and the truth is that God LOVES you beyond anything you can imagine, that Christ dying on the cross was the ultimate love story and it was about you! Right now things might be rough. You might be frustrated and overcome with negativity, but hang in there. Keep praying. Keep believing. And keep knowing that the God of the universe believes that YOU are worth dying for.
Something I’ve realized about myself lately, as I dig deeper into my relationship with my savior, is that when God commanded us to love everyone, there are no exceptions. We are to love the poor. The handicapped. The ignorant. The homosexuals. The murderers. The pornographers. And…ourselves.
It...
One of my favorite quotes
2014
Here goes that annual post about what 2014 held for me.
2014 was a year of transition. It was a really great year actually. It changed me so much and with it came happiness I never dreamed of. People came and people left, just like every year. Some parts seem so far away while others could've happened moments ago. I remember spending time with a friend on New Year's Eve, a friend that would eventually become my boyfriend, and then a friend again, and now more of an acquaintance. I remember how fun the summer was with the Strawberry Festival, trips to Pittsburgh, Washington DC, and good friends who were always only meant to be friends.
I remember being nervous about starting Celebrate Recovery. Our first meeting being one of the most emotional and stressful evenings of my life. I remember thinking, "Satan is fighting this so hard because he knows it will lead people to Christ," and that's what kept me going. I remember speaking with people about my recovery. My second step study gave me freedom I never knew I could have. I learned how insecure I can be and how I don't have to accept that it's part of who I am. I learned that not only is it ok to put myself first sometimes, but it's absolutely necessary. I've learned to follow my heart, because it's a good one and it knows what it wants. I've learned God's voice and how to follow it. I've learned to abandon the plans I make for myself because God's are so so so much better.
I remember August 3rd, when I saw Adam Scott for the first time in almost 6 years. I had seen the shell of the man I used to know within that time frame, but on that day I saw the man I knew, the man I fell in love with when I was just a little girl walking through the world in a bubble- not completely ignorant, but always protected from harm. I remember knowing in an instance that my life would never be the same and since that day, it hasn't been.
What I remember most is how much God has blessed me this year. How much I have grown in Him and how grateful I am for His plan in my life. I am so glad He doesn't let me do the planning, because the things He has given me are far better than anything I would have given myself. So many amazing people have come into my life this year. I have gained a forever family in CR. Not only did I get the love of my life back, but with him came the most amazing little girl and a whole group of people who have taken me in as their own. Mostly, however, I got myself back. I get to wake up in the morning and be the person God made me to be, and I love that person so much. 2014 was year of change and growth, and 2015 will bring even more. I cannot wait to see what God has in store.
Thank you, 2014, for introducing me to myself again.
"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." -Jeremiah 29:11