Regina George x Rodrick Heffley
It only really takes an hour and a half for a juvenile party to reach its peak and luckily most of the teenagers who attend Crossland High School have an exceptionally low tolerance for alcohol. Even luckier, this party is sponsored by Löded Diper’s beyond legal lead singer. Intoxicated bodies buzz to the current pop top 50. They're all lucky that Manny’s going through a “chews on shiny things” phase and fucked all of Rodrick’s CDs or this party’s soundtrack would sound a lot different… Nobody seems to pay the host any mind as they use the night as an excuse to bump, grind, and socialize.
No one has even noticed he’s gone.
Past the class of 05’and just down the hall, the bathroom is occupied.
“You know,” Regina George quickly swallows her enraged drunken words to rejoin their lips, “I’ve always”, kiss, “thought you were,” kiss, kiss, she pants from the intensity and presses her forehead to his, Rodrick’s fringe tickles her furrowed, angry brow, “weirdly cute.” The words seem to cause her pain.
Rodrick’s lungs push out an awkward laugh of ecstatic disbelief, “hah!” The tightness in his pants has been glaring since the moment she pulled him into the bathroom. He wonders if he’s really making out with a sophomore who just has an eerie similarity to Regina. It’s as if she’ll change her mind the second he accepts that she pulled him in. What a beautiful predator, and what a lucky prey.
On paper you’d think she was being flirtatious, but each revealing syllable that escapes her sparkly, glossed lips drips with malice and disgust. “God, even that stupid fucking laugh.”
He opens his mouth and quirks his own brow, ready to ask just what she meant by that.
But in mental capacity and speed, he’s just too slow. Regina pulls him back in by the shirt, kissing him with the same force she puts behind the venom she spits. Her hands travel from his band tee to the nape of his neck, and she slings her arms around him to ground herself. With the extra support she confidently juts her hips forward to meet his. She, too, is now aware of the tightness. Regina groans into the kiss.
Unbelievable… Regina-Freaking-George is kissing him with insatiable voracity. Rodrick has jacked off to this fantasy for years. His mind drifts back to all the times he’s seen her in the halls with her minions, standing adorably shorter than the rest. She takes long strides despite how short her tanned, victoria secret lotioned legs are. When she walks past her hair bounces on her bare shoulders, and the whole hallway can smell her sweet girly perfume. She’s everything a girl should be, and to Rodrick that very much includes her viscous, vindictive nature. To him a woman should never be easy to understand. Or easy to please.
He welcomes her pelvic advance with a thrust forward of his own. The already delectable friction from his skinny jeans reaches new heights from the feminine attention. He places his hands on her hips, pressing his painted black fingernails into her soft, plump flesh. Thank God for low rise jeans and high rise tops. He might climax just from the sensation of gripping her exposed skin. Men would die for this chance.
Regina kisses fast and rough. She eagerly starts to grind against his excitement, she demandingly moves his hands lower, slapping them directly onto her bedazzled denim shielded ass. She honestly prefers that the jeans be off by this point… This was so wrong. All Regina can think about is going all the way with him! She can feel his length through his stupid tight pants and it tempts her imagination beyond belief. She’d be on top of him, swallowing him whole in her perfectly prim and tight cunt. It’d be masterfully waxed and smooth, not a razor bump or ingrown hair in sight. The night before she would shave her whole body, scrub her supple skin with a peach body wash, exfoliate with a coconut scented scrub, and top off her routine with a full body lotion regime to ensure every inch of her was as beautiful as possible. He’d sit beneath her, feeling her walls tighten as she spelled her own name with her hips, having the ride of his life. Ideally, Rodrick would be a virgin and she would bless him with a spellbinding first time that he could never replicate with any loose, pierced roadie whore. To fuck Rodrick Heffley is to own him.
To Regina, this wasn’t the same as when she fools around with pink polo clad attractive young suitors. The rock hard magnetism of Rodrick is how pathetic she finds him.
Rodrick is overcome with pleasure, the combination of the grinding and the groping proving to be all too intense. “R-Regina-” he stammers out, pulling his face back from her incessant necking. He loathes the idea of embarrassing himself by admitting he was getting close to coming undone, but maybe if he can get her to slow down he could spare himself.
“Ugh~ Please don’t talk-” she grabs his hand and shoves it in the front of her pants, quickly reinstating the kiss. Regina knows she shouldn’t. Hell, she didn’t let Brady Boyce even touch her chest until he’d bought her three necklaces. She’s quick to blame it on the booze but after so many “jokes” and “innocent daydreams” about the drummer and his drumstick she knows her wetness is more than a couple hard lemonades. His warm calloused hands on the expanse of skin above her clit shocks her senses, her head falls back with a moan. If Katy Perry weren’t serenading the rest of the party with the tale of her own Friday night they all might hear the steamy exchange. She’d be ruined, but he moans too and suddenly a reputation doesn’t matter so much. She’s too smart to get caught anyway.
The bathroom feels smaller and smaller, but maybe that’s just the distance between them. How can girls be so smooth? It’s hotter too, but that can be attributed to the hot and heavy touching… The touching that Rodrick must be quick to continue. Flustered and doing his best to contain his ecstasy, his cheeks burn and his hard cock twitches. His classic robot boxers are definitely soiled with precum by now. Admittedly eager but begrudgingly nervous, he takes the plunge, slipping his hand further down. God, she’s softer than his imagination could have ever dreamed.
A pitchy whine from Regina sings out under the noise of the crowd. She throws her head back in gratification and a string of teenage spittle connects them even after their lips part ways. He peddles further, dipping his longest finger into the pool of her. There was nothing hotter than reciprocation, and as shocking as Rodrick finds it, the girl before him was as eager as he was. If he can make her cum then she’ll remember him and this could be more than a regrettable romp, he just has to play his cards right. Tease her, rub circles around her entrance until she’s ready to bark at him to stick it in already. Beat her to it, listen to her body and give her what she wants before she’s ready to demand it, be a memorable fuck. Quick on his lustful feet, he thinks to use his palm to gently rub the area where he assumes her clit should be as he massages the surface of her hole. Despite his horrible record with innovation, Rodrick’s idea is a smashing success. Not only does he earn heavier breaths, but her body reacts too and slathers his digits in cream and desire. His hand is sopping in the front of her jeans, and her hips gyrate without conscious intent. Should he kiss her neck, too? Drive her beyond crazy?
“Where the hell is Rodrick, dude?!” The familiar voice of his idiot friend Ben overcomes the panting of the odd couple. Rodrick’s shocked finger slips unexpectedly inside of Regina and any attempt at a more sensual copulation is screwed.
The sudden intrusion coaxes strong moaning and spawns weakness in her legs as Regina throws her weight against Rodrick's chest. If his loud mouthed best friend weren’t right outside the door he very well would have returned the expression of pleasure, undeniably tickled by her horny whimpers. He quickly pulls his hand out with mutual gasps, bringing both to pull her in closer by the small of her back, begging, “sh, shush, Regina, please.”
“God, what, Heffley?!” She snaps and chastises him with whatever labored breath she can muster, “what the hell are you freaking out about?” Regina’s lower body feels so bare without the stimulation of his adventurous hand, but being held so close to his chest brings the rest of their body together again. Feeling his erection again just makes her even more tempted to just take him here and now. His panicking was frustrating, and overtly aggravating. Doesn’t he know how lucky he is right now? How stupidly audacious to deny her the heavy petting she craves.
Abrupt and loud knocking at the door answers her question. “Yo Drickie, are you depositing a log or something?” Ben chuckles, finding way too much satisfaction in saying something so stupid.
Disgust and shock paints Regina’s face as she tears herself from his embrace. Not only was someone so close to discovering them, but the saboteur was none other than Rodrick’s brother in goon-hood... A log? For a second with his hands working her she had forgotten just how disgusting every boy was.
Rodrick’s face crumples with embarrassment. If only Ben knew he just single handedly took the most choice pair of boobs at Crossland off of his chest… He whispers his defense to Regina, “I-I don’t talk like that, he’s stupid, he-”
It’s far too late for PR. “Get rid of him. Now.”
Obediently, he complies and shouts back, “what do you want, Segal?”
The door knob jiggles and Rodrick flinches. Regina presses her back to the wall and groans silently, questioning her own judgment as she feels the severity of her hormonal choice. “C’mon dude, I’ve seen you deuce before, let me in.”
“Dude!” Could he be any more incriminating? Suddenly shitting in the Segal family’s shrubbery seems way less funny than it was in the moment. Rodrick knew that his friend was utterly clueless as to the wanton bombshell listening in, but he really can’t help but want to strangle him until the color leaves his face. “Just- what do you want?”
“Whatever, it’s your mom, dude. She’s calling.”
Like an anchor into a deep dark sea, Rodrick’s face and stomach drop. Never has his boner died faster, this was truly a flaccid speedrun for the record books. Call Guinness, folks! The steam of the tryst lifts and he is bombarded by the realization that not only does he have over 50 teenagers crammed into his family's house, but that Greg is also still locked in the basement. Fuck.
“You want me to get it?” Ben asks, clueless as ever.
“N-No! Just. Just bring me the freaking phone,” he sighs and drags his hand down his face. He reaches his nose and remembers where this hand just was. Regina. His overbearing mother has already confiscated his titty-mags and now she’ll ruin his only shot at primo, super model pussy. “S-Shit, Regina, listen-”
She cuts him off with a stone face, “is he gone?”
He places an ear to the door and waits to hear any more stupid remarks, or doc marten footsteps… Nothing. “Yeah I think so-”
Regina pushes past him and slams open the door. “Tell anyone, and you’re dead.” She tosses her hair over her shoulder and seamlessly integrates into the party as if she never left it in the first place.
The bathroom regains the space it always truly had and Rodrick is alone. He licks his lips and can easily taste the sweet gloss she left behind. This may be the only marker of their affair... She can’t possibly pretend nothing happened, can she? He was inside of her. That isn’t something you can shrug off like a spin the bottle peck on the lips, that was practically sex! Still, there’s hardly time to process. Somehow still unaware, Ben returns to hand Rodrick the phone.
His face crinkles as he takes comical sniffs, “dude did you jerk it in here?”
Almost relieved by the excuse to punch him, Rodrick slugs his shoulder with more force than he usually would. “Shut up, man.” Overloaded lungs heave out a heavy sigh and his dream is over as quick as it began. “Help me quiet everybody down, if I get grounded and or killed the band is fucked.”
Begrudgingly, he follows Ben out of the bathroom, knowing that to leave is to truly accept that the best 15 minutes of his life are really over. There's hardly time to mourn, though. All Rodrick can do now is handle the parental nightmare he concocted, and anticipate that come Monday things will be different. He reassures himself, though. Because even if she doesn’t look his way, pretends it never happened. Hell, no matter if she spits on his converse…
Regina George thinks Rodrick is cute.
And he will never let her live that down.
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