lee

TW: ED AND BD NOT PRO ANA I talk about my ed problems here, if that might trigger you just block me please cw: 46kg gw: 45kg ugw:43kg

[letisback]

honestly... I didn't hate this pictures my body kinda looks ok (you can even see some bones) 🥳🥳

[letisback]

but I do have this weird feeling that when my mom passes, I would end my life after

that scares the hell out of me but idk I always felt like that would be how I will eventually die

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I don't really think of myself as suicidal bc I would never actually do it

but the reason is bc my family would go crazy and I don't want to give them the satisfaction

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im feeling really dizzy right now

[corpsebabie]

coming back to @n@ has made me so much happier and motivated

yeah im sad about my body but i already was before

now i have something to look forward to, something that is actually in my control

[letisback]

from my pilates class this week

(I'm the one with the green shirt)

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my brain just won't shut up I'm tiredd

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I can believe I'm 20 and still dealing with ed shit like I can't imagine myself with 30 or 40 years and still behaving like this I can't

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Do you guys think it's "wrong" that a close friend of yours is also friends with someone you don't like?

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but these past few days, I've been feeling weaker and weaker

no energy to work out, but I'm still doing it bc I feel good about myself after

but the other day, it's the same thing. I'm in a loop

[letisback]

AND LET US TALK ABOUT WHAT IM FEELING PHYSICALLY

it's been like years since I've had my ed effecting my body

I can fool others, and they think I'm healthy, and I'm not feeling anything when I'm actually not ok at all

[letisback]

I focused on what I felt towards my body so that I couldn't think of other things, but I don't have the energy to do this right now and it's killing me

[letisback]

I think (pretty sure) I'm at the worst time right now. mentally and physically

I feel so sad and angry all the time (family stuff) I miss my mom so much

I'm eating less and less, so I think that I feel "weak" mentally bc of that (which is ironic)

BUT LIKE

IM ALWAYS FEELING SHITTY ABOUT MYSELF

but it's not just about my body anymore

[letisback]

im tired of people asking if I ate, so I'm just gonna say I didn't and watch people freak 😁

[letisback]

big ed mukang asmr is so disgusting I may never eat again

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I think I'm gonna buy strapless shirts from now on , I kinda like the way I look thats an interesting feeling

[letisback]

my inner monologue