innocence is gone

“It has been said, 'time heals all wounds.' I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind, protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessens. But it is never gone." - Rose Kennedy

[deadmeatdad]

[letsseehowdeepthebulletlies]

Personal Rant

So I've been needing to say this to someone for a while. See, I never wanted kids, like EVER. But now at 24 and being with the love of my life for over a year and a half, I have thought about it. Now he has always wanted kids (more specifically A kid, a little baby boy). He's also grown up an uncle at age 6 and helped raise his twin neices after they were born (from age 0-2, they're 4 now). All his siblings (mind you there is a huge age gap) have their own families and a ton of kids. So his family is super supportive of my bf Paul having a baby ASAP, his mom especially. Where as I grew up in a small family, with only 1 cousin and 1 sister. None of us are married or have kids. My family is also way more traditional...so they are more interested in a proposal-->marriage--->house---->baby. In that order. Given all this info, I spent majority of the past week and a half thinking I was pregnant. Now the pregnancy scares have happened a lot as my birth control stops my period, but I still get PMS symptoms pretty bad every couple months. But every other time I had been so scared I took a test right away and it was negative. This time I waited over a week. Went through all the fears and worries, discussed them with Paul and he said I would be the only one dissappointed if I was pregnant. So...I started thinking of all the positives...yes it would be scary and stressful but woohoo maternity leave!! Paul waiting on my hand and foot, blaming everything on pregnancy brain, etc. I started looking at my bloated belly and thinking how cute it would be if there was a little bean in there ready to grow. Then, I felt my sister in laws not so little bean kick. Watching her going crazy inside her moms tummy, only a month away from coming into our world. And I wanted that. I went and took a pregnancy test, a huge part of me still nervous and scared, but when it was negative, I wanted to cry. I was so dissappointed I never even told Paul, I just left the test face up in the trash so he would see. Now I'm just miserable. Its one thing to get pregnant accidentally but to actually ask if we could try to have a baby while we're working so hard to save for a house so we will be ready for a family. Our apartment would be doable for us to have a baby but definitely not the best. And I want him/her to have the best. But if we keep waiting for the perfect time, I mean thats what they say"theres never a perfect time to have a baby. Either way...I'm not very happy right now and I dont have anyone to talk to about this. So if you read all of this, thanks for listening.

[cherrys-acid]

Lets talk about how hard it is to open up to someone about being sad for no reason. Lets talk about how hard it is to explain to your friends and family that you have this heavy feeling in your chest for no reason. Lets talk about how hard it is to understand why you’re having a panic attack while just taking a walk back home. Lets talk about how hard it is to understand your own self and how scary it is to feel like the whole world is falling on your shoulders and you have no idea why .

[painfulblisss]

[fatalitummm]

Sinister 2 (2015)

[theanimalmemes]

[deep-sexts]

follow for sexual texts

[moan-s]

[veganvoices]

[solitaria]

Running (by florentina amon)

[f-r-u-s-t-a-t-e-d]

[timburtoninwonderland]

[madness-of-depression-deactivat]

I still wonder..

[morphin--e]

[neonkontra]

[noorshirazie]

Envy fed her insecurities while she put on the masks of others, trying on one after the other, now unable to recognize her true self. She still walks past shop windows and gets a slight shock, seeing that her reflection is not her own.

Noor Shirazie (via aestheticintrovert)

[dryyoureyes-startbelieving]

Shout out to those who are having a hard time right now.  This is only temporary.

[vulnerabilitee]