Guess whoās got legal weed and a will to create!Ā
(Quick shout out to Dispensary 33, where 1920s facial hair meets 2020s weed edibles!)
Title: A Very Distinctive Backstitch
Rating: General
Summary: Parker returns home to find Eliot has discovered both pinterest and handicrafts, and Hardison has had to use the fire extinguisher again.
Parker got home three days after the boys did, on that particular mission. When they were planning it, they seemed to think this wasnāt fair, and sheād told them they were right; she felt terrible, having so much fun without them. Still, theyād just have to keep a stiff upper lip about it and sheād let them have all the fun next time.
(When she mentioned that, Alec got his āYou have misunderstood my intentionsā face, but she lā¦she loā¦she loved Alec in part because even when she didnāt understand, he wasnāt ever mean or judgey. He didnāt always explain, but he always accepted. In this case, he just got her a GoPro so she could tape herself on the stunt bike course during the mission.)
Anyway, she spent three days having so much fun, and didnāt even mind the long drive back to Portland in the taquito truck. But when she finally arrived home, letting herself into the loft above the brewpub, she was met with a mystery. As she entered she found, draped over the kitchen island, a large fold of cloth, heavily embroidered in the style of the Bayeaux tapestry.
āDid you take an entire other job without me?ā she demanded, as Alec walked into the kitchen carrying an empty plastic takeaway container. He shouted, flailed, and threw it at her. She caught it and tossed it into the sink. (She was all for throwing them away, but Eliot got a really pinched look when they did that, so now they washed them and saved them forever in the Sacred Take Away Container Reliquary, aka the bottom drawer on the right of the dishwasher.)
āParker!ā Alec yelped.
āWhat kind of job would you need the Bayeaux tapestry for, anyhow?ā she asked.
āWoman,ā Alec sighed, but he hugged her, and once sheād gotten used to them hugs were nice, so she enjoyed that part. āWelcome home. Itās not the Bayeax tapestry. I have some bad news.ā
āIf youāre getting some 7535 you might as well grab the 7110!ā Eliotās voice drifted out from the bedroom.
āEliotās lost his damn mind,ā Hardison finished.
In theory, Parker knew that this job would be rough on Eliot. It required their hitter to take a beating. Eliot had said he was fine with it, but heād taken more of a hit than anyone (possibly including the bad guysā goon) had intended. In practice sheād been prepared for him to be bedridden, doped up, and cranky, but she hadnāt been prepared for cryptography.
āWhatās 7535?ā she asked in a whisper.
āEmbroidery thread,ā Hardison replied, reaching for a plastic bin on the counter. He held up a hank of wooly yarn, wrapped in a piece of paper that did indeed read 7535. āDid you know there are seven different shades of black?ā
āWell, yeah,ā she said, perplexed. āI mean, Venetian Black is totally different from Cherry Black, and then thereās Dark Black ā oh! I found it!ā she added, plucking the other color, 7110, out of the box. āWhat does Eliot want with red and black yarn?ā
āThread. Embroidery thread,ā Alex said. āHe got high and picked up a hobby.ā
At that point Eliot himself, apparently impatient with Alecās lack of speed, thumped into the kitchen on a crutch.
āItās not a hobby, itās a historical tradition,ā he said. āHi Parker, welcome home. Textiles have always been dismissed as craftsĀ while paint and sculpture are arts,ā he added, aggrieved.
Parker turned to Alec. He shrugged.
āHe found a really compelling Pinterest right as the opiates kicked in,ā he said.
āI learned how to embroider at three in the morning,ā Eliot said to her proudly. He held out his next project after the fake Bayeaux tapestry. It was a cross stitch announcing All Cheese is Hubris. Parker studied it, impressed.
āHe also almost burned the building down,ā Alec interjected, as if he wasnāt used to both of them almost burning things down on a very regular basis. It was cute how he always acted surprised.
āItās a long story,ā Eliot said. āAnyway once I got the hang of it, I thought, Iāve never forged a textile before.ā
āOoh, me neither,ā Parker said thoughtfully.
āBut thereās a couple of panels from the Bayeaux missing, right?ā he continued. āAnd likeā¦why shouldnātĀ one of the missing panels have aliens in it?ā
Parker checked the tapestry on the kitchen island. Among other more traditional motifs, it did indeed have two large-eyed aliens abducting a monk.
āHeās still high?ā she asked.
āAnother two days on the Vicodin,ā Alec confirmed.
āIt looks very authentic,ā she said loyally. āConstruction-wise, I mean.ā
āThanks,ā Eliot said. He accepted the thread Alec handed him. āIām gonna go finish this one. Itās for the kitchen.ā
He hobbled off. Alec looked at her, his face a careful mask.
āPoor baby,ā she said. āI got to base-jumpĀ twice and youāve been tripsitting him through the hobby store.ā
āART STORE,ā Eliotās voice drifted out from the bedroom.
āYeah, well, you know, itās been rough, but I held up,ā Alec said, putting on a mock-brave face. She grinned and kissed his cheek.
āGo play some video games. Iāll handle him from here. With a little nudge, he might learn to knit before we have to get him off the hard stuff,ā she pointed out. She felt the benefits of knitting were self-evident, but Alec frowned.
āWhy do we want Eliot to learn to knit?ā he asked.
āHello? Custom sized winter hats?ā she pointed out. Hardison fell well within the one-size-fits-all range of most machine knitted hats ā sheād done measurements while he slept ā but she just knew if he had a tailored toque heād feel better about wintering somewhere it rained every single day from Halloween to St. Patrickās Day. She herself had quite an oval head and hadnāt gone back to off-the-rack hats since her first tailored ski mask.
āIām gonna goā¦Goose Game,ā he said.
āBe extra horrible for me!ā she told him, and bounced off to initiate a subtle campaign to shift Eliot from embroidery to knitting.
