A Realist Dreamer

literally yours, writing what’s on my mind💭

[letterallyours]

gentle reminder.

Today was just like any other day. I had a slow morning since I work in the afternoon. I work part-time at a senior home btw. Nothing special happened and I just did my usual tasks. I did have a small conversation with one of the lovely ladies there. She’s always smiling and telling me I’m really kind to her (for real i swear).

Fyi, she’s in the early stages of dementia, so she tends to repeat the same things whenever she sees me. But today, as I was helping her get to bed, she said something completely different from what she usually says:

“You’re always really kind. You take care of me so well. I believe you’ll go to heaven.”

I was honestly too stunned to respond. It hit me hard because all this time, I’ve just been doing what I can for the patients I care for. Hearing such kind words out of nowhere really got to me.

Lately, I’ve been feeling kinda burned out. Like taking care of patients and having so much contact with people all the time had me thinking about switching to something more… isolated. But hearing something like that today made everything feel worth it.

May God continue to guide and bless me in all that I do, and I hope you’re blessed too!

[letterallyours]

The right time

Suddenly, it came to me that I’ve been taking everything for granted. I’ve been distant—both physically and spiritually. This year, so many dreams and wishes I hadn’t even consciously thought of have become reality.

First, my new hobby: concerts. I remember being 14 years old, trying to save money for a concert, but it wasn’t enough, and I had to give up. As I watched concert videos of my idols, deep down, I wished that someday I would experience that too.

Years later, when I wasn’t even thinking about my childhood dream, the adult me “effortlessly” made it happen. “Effortlessly” might sound too cliché because, in reality, it was all part of God’s plan. I worked hard, kept moving forward, took on big responsibilities, and now I can finally treat myself well.

Even on days when I didn’t rely much on God, I’ve tried to remain grateful for everything. What I want to say is this: God is always planning for us. The dream I had 13 years ago, one that made me feel so sad and hopeless, was heard by Him. He didn’t ignore it; He simply planned it for the right time.

Happy Sunday🌸

[letterallyours]

revive.

As the moon rises, so too does the reverie within me, ignored, suppressed, begging to be embraced, wishing for freedom, it can no longer fit the jar. The buried box, forgotten, losing its purpose now stirs with life, as dawn stretches softly, revealing what I can no longer hide. -L, Nov 2024

[letterallyours]

A Second for Trust.

Today is my last work day, for this week

I have to face an impromptu decision

Either I have to wait for the bus that are coming late or just run to the train station

I thought that I able to run 3km within 15 minutes

On the half of my way, I'm out of breath

I turn back and the bus that supposed to be late just passing by

I just realized I can be on the train station before the train comes

Until I already seen the train just passing by again, before I reach the train station

I just arrived, one minute after the train is gone

From this 15 minutes experience I just realized that

I have to know my limit; I can't run for 15 minutes straight

I should've wait; if I know that the bus would just be a bit late, I'll be in the train right now

I have to put my trust in God, in all my decision; if at that time I ask God for a second to help me with that decision, maybe things going well for me this morning

But, I just realized that this is His answer for my worries on this past few days.

He taught me to just put my trust in Him.

[letterallyours]

Nightfall, 8th May

I'm immersed with sunset; the dusk, every single time

It draws a border line between sky and earth magnificently

No matter how we spend our time in the day, the sunset always gives us a warm feeling for us to end the day

I haven't sip any coffee today, but gladly this kind of not-coffee-talk let me portray the sunset of 8th May

Just in case you start something not quite so good, maybe terrible or hesitate, it's okay

Keep in mind even if it doesn't start beautifully, you can end it magnificently

Ciao!

[letterallyours]

Body & Soul

New year, new me they said.

Yet I'm still the same person with bigger desire to develop myself. I've been enjoying my new routinity; language courses. Since December, I've attended the language course and meet a very very interesting people from another country and I'm total blessed to be a part on that class. I learn something new everyday and finally I feel satisfied with my decision to come here lol.

Well, after struggling for this past 6 months, finally I'm getting used to all of the things here. Thanks to my 'bodo amat' thinking, I don't think to much just do what I must do.

So, it's been two weeks or more idk exactly aber trotzdem I start doing yoga again after a very long time and start to communicate regularly with God. Yes, I want to have a healthy body and soul. Even though sometimes I'm too lazy to do it but I try to force myself.

Idk is it just my mind or what, but I'm feeling way much better after having a routinity for my body and soul. I'm not moody, or get angry easily, I do my routinity with spirit, and so on.

In the end I think this writing is really random but I'm gonna post it anyway.

I do hope to post a writing in here regularly. Yet, finger crossed!

Ciao.

[letterallyours]

The Aftermath of Decision

It's been 74 days I leave my very comfort zone. Sometimes that decision I made to fly miles miles away from Indonesia to Germany left me clueless, wonder and made me think a lot. Does all of this worth it? What the hell I'm thinking until I jumped so damn high to leave my comfort zone? What's really worth it in here 'til it makes me so far away from my family, my loved one, my pal, etc etc etc.

After hours of wondering, sometimes I decide to let those thoughts go and seize the day. On the other day those thoughts left me so damn melancholy and you know those kind of feeling like regret, sadness, longing to be home all at once.

How come that 'ONE' decision could spin my whole world like this? Idk how to put up an idiom to explain it.

At the end, I let those thought of the decision sink in until I forgot of things I'm capable to handle and not.

We often try to solve all of the problems in life by ourself. I do like that too.

Until I look up the sky and realize I have God who I should rely on, not my own brain.

I can tell that I'm a pretty realistic person and so into logical thinking. Sorry not sorry I often jump so into this world stuff until I didn't take care of my connections with God, my spiritual life.

The truth that I'm not able to attend Sunday worship here in Germany affects so much to my spiritual living.

I feel sad when it's Sunday and my fellow friends in Indonesia are able to go to Church, having a Sunday service and of course Sunday with family and bae are surely things to be missed.

I take a deep breath and set my mind. I can do better than jealous, regret and being ungrateful with where I am now and I can go this far.

So, I step up and do my best to connect a stronger relationship with God. I set a Bible app to remind me to read a Bible verse and have a reading plan everyday. I also do my best to make these achievement worth it.

Last but not least, the most important thing is when your connection with God is strong and you portray the God's words in daily life, everything is beyond beautiful 😊

Thank you for reading this.

Ciao!

[letterallyours]

The Endless Wonder

"Hey, what are you doing in Germany?", "How come you can go to Germany?", "Please bring a 'bule' for me!"

Literally, those sentence represent this post's title. Before I start this post, I'll let you know myself first. So, I'm Lewi, an Indonesian girl who currently living in Germany, and I graduate from State University of Medan, Indonesia and my major is German Language Education. That's it and without any further ado, let me start all of this lol.

Some people are dreaming to go abroad, and some people don't. I'm one of those people of dreaming to go abroad. But I decide to set a life goal to go to Germany five years ago, at the end of my first semester in college.

"Well, now your dreams come true, right?"

Yes, I made it to Germany and I've planned to come here by Au-Pair Program a few years ago. You might be wondering what is Au-Pair and maybe for some people it sounds pretty familiar. Au-Pair Program is a form of cooperation of Germany and Indonesia (and other country also). The Au-Pair Program is designed for people who wants to learn German language and the culture, all at once.

The Au-Pair will be live with the local German people, and by living along it'll help you to know better their culture and vice versa of course. The fun part is you'll be fully-funded by the Government. You'll got a monthly Taschengeld and also a supported money for your language course. Yep, you'll have an opportunity to go to a language course to master the language.

So, you are fully-funded, you also have an opportunity to live with local family, attend a language course, what's the feedback for the family?

In my opinion, it's all about give and take. By living in their home, you can help them with the house chores and take care of their children when the parents are busy and not at home. But, the duty time is only 6 hours/day. You're not a house maid and have to do it all day. Remember it.

If you want to know more about Au-Pair, you can find more in the following link.

About Au Pair program - Definition

The Au Pair program: definition of Au Pair and host family, how the program works, expenses and other important details you need to know abo

So, are you interested to join the Au-Pair Program?

If yes, I'll help you to prepare it from how to find the family until documents you need for applying visa Au-Pair. Please kindly wait for my next post. Ciao!