Has the most devastating thought about Percy and Ballister.
Ballister mom died in childbirth which led to Paris's hatred towards Ballister. Ballister is obviously hurt by this and while he understands he was part of the reason his mother died he wishes his father cared for him. He grows up swearing he'd never be like his father and would love his child no matter what. Then Percy comes along and he's the happiest he's ever been with Ambrosius and their baby. He's such a little bundle of joy and the perfect blend of them both.
I imagine potentially cause of the previous trauma Ambrosius had to his body the ordeal of Percy birth wasn't the easiest. It was a near death encounter with far too many close calls.
Ambrosius thought if one of them was going to die it should be him. He's done too much wrong in the world and shouldn't take the opportunity of life away from his baby who hadn't even taken his first breaths yet.
If someone has to sacrifice their life in the end it has to be him.
Things seem to be going alright but suddenly take a turn for the worse.
They ask who they want to save in case when worse comes to worse.
Ballister is conflicted. The baby who had waited so long to finally meet or his husband who he'd known for almost his entire life.
But in the end there's only one person he's sure he wants to spend the rest of his life with.
But Ambrosius chooses his baby in a heartbeat. He begs them to save his baby.
Ballister knows Ambrosius will hate him but he insists the doctors save him instead if they must make a choice.
Ambrosius is alright in the end but He and Ballister agree they won't have any more children.
Once Ballister holds his baby he almost forgets why he felt a small bit of resentment for almost taking away Ambrosius.
Meanwhile Ambrosius is over the moon. He gets to live and embrace his baby and swears he'll do everything in his power to do good by him.
He assured Ballister he's alright despite his constant nagging and bombardment of concern.
Ballister was so scared of losing him.
It all worked out in the end.
They have their baby. They're both alive and well. They can all live at peace with each other and occasionally reminisce over the frightening ordeal.
But imagine if things had gone differently...
Percy is born but Ambrosius dies in the process. What is Ballister supposed to feel. He knows he loves his baby and so does Ambrosius. Ambrosius would want him to love their baby so much. But now he's gone and left with a person he's known for such a short time.
Part of him feels wrong for despising Percy but he can't help but resent his birth cause it meant losing his husband. How could he lose him to someone who couldn't form a single word. Just innocent babbles and eyes full of curiosity.
Why didn't the baby die instead of Ambrosius.
Then the realisation hits him...
The dread. The hatred. The grief his own father felt when his mother died bringing him into the world.
For the first time in his life his father's attitude towards him was reasonable.
For the first time in his life he truly understood how his father felt all those years ago. The heart breaking and baffling reality he was left with.
He tries to be better than his father and love Percy ever second he's alive but sometimes the resentment and hatred slips out.
He's become just like his father.
Showing a cold demeanour to a child who had no full grasp on the situation.
Growing up Percy would become more and more aware of it and partially wish he died instead too.
This is even more tragic in the 'Percy is born before the canon au' ™️
Ballister finding out the man whom he loved the man who blown his arm off was now gone.
Lost to an infant he was unaware and unprepared for.
Leave the child to the institution, a life dictated by the cruelty of the director who would be no more kinder than she was to him Ambrosius?
Would he take Percy and send him away?
Or perhaps the most heart wrenching decision of all.
Take in the infant and attempt to raise them himself.
He does his best with his given situation. He lets Percy live a normal childhood. As normal as he can make it for him with his inventions and knights chasing his tail.
Percy would ask about Ambrosius and he tries to put him in the best light. Percy doesn't know that Ambrosius blew his arm off.
He asks questions. So many questions.
He answers yes to every one.
Sometimes in the heat of everything he yells at Percy. Hurtful words he shouldn't have uttered.
Among one of them he snaps harder than the other times...
'WHY DID YOU HAVE TO KILL HIM!?'
Percy doesn't digest it right away but eventually he realises what his father meant.
He killed Ambrosius. His Papa. The supposed legend and hero of the realm who died as he came into the world.
He knows it should've been him instead.
Ballister apologizes swiftly, he knows he shouldn't have said that.
It doesn't matter how many times the apologies roll out. What's said has already been spoken.
Guinevere. She watches as her son goes down the same path her husband did. It breaks her heart. She never would've guessed this would come about. How she wishes to cradle her child.
He would've chosen to save his baby's life over his own any day. He wishes Ballister could be at peace and know that their child carried enough love for both of them but he's gone from the physical world there's nothing he can do now.
Ballister knows necromancy. What does this entail?
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