I have never been comforted by the idea of "make it clear this relationship is obviously abusive or it's bad writing" ideology.
Because like, as an abuse victim, it was not 100% black and white for me. I didn't wake up every day and think "man, this person is obviously shitty and abusive towards me." I didn't get that luxury.
I got "I love you"s and goodnight kisses and "nobody in this house loves me so why do I bother" when things didn't go their way
I got "boy I wish my parent showed up at every event" from classmates while my parent complained about how my life was inconveniencing her and making me feel bad for enjoying things
I got "you're lucky to have such a good mother" and "why am I always the bad guy and have to yell?" in the same breath
I got "you have a really great mom" from people who only saw the show that was put on when the curtains were raised
I got tricked into thinking I was just an ungrateful child who had all these privileges and was told it could be worse
I had people in my home life who encouraged me to just appease them and make life easier because that's just what you were supposed to do
I got praised to the high heavens when I did exactly what they told me to do, even if I didn't want to or was actually disgusted by the idea
I got used to further their goals, all in the name of "well Cat wants to do this" or "Cat doesn't like that" when I clearly thought the opposite, and if I voiced this, they'd call me a liar
I got asked what I wanted to do, made to think I had a choice, then when I chose to do what I wanted to do, they would poke fun at it or complain about how much of a waste of time it was
I became used to not trusting myself and my own judgment, so if they were abusing me, I was just imagining it and it really wasn't that bad
Stories that portrayed the abuser as a mean, vicious monster that was obviously evil never rang true with what I experienced, furthering the idea that what I experienced wasn't what abuse was.
Stories where the abused person sympathizes with their obvious abuser frustrates the reader, usually one who hasn't suffered years of abuse, because the reader can see the signs but the abused can't, and I've seen so many comments demeaning this character's choice and "why didn't they just get out why are they so dumb"
Why? Because it's not that easy. Not every abuser comes in swinging. Some are sneaky, quiet, and make it look like everything is normal. Some use words that sound like love when really it's a parroting of words.
Unknown or not, "why didn't the abused person just leave" is the worst question you could ever ask, because honestly? It's easier said than done. There's so much doubt, so little support from people who don't know the signs and unknowingly encourage the abuser's behavior, and so much stigma around people that are abused that we just... don't.
And don't get me started on when the abuser retaliates and pins it all on the abused, pointing out the abused person's flaws to various people and saying it was the abused being the abuser all along so no one around you believes your story anyway.
So no, stories, where it's 100% clear the person has been abused, have never helped me get out of an abusive relationship.
You know what did help me? Surrounding myself with people who could see what was going on and actually helped me see it too, helped me get out of that situation, and helped me realize that yes, even people who were "loved" can be abused.
I want to read more stories from the abused's perspective. I want to read more stories where they are angry and push back when they feel vulnerable because they don't want to feel weak anymore. I want to read stories where they're afraid to voice their opinions even to people who are safe. I want to read stories where they're not soft uwu babies that need protection. I want to read stories where people keep the door open for people who push them away. I want to read stories where people shut it until the abused person realizes the person who saw the abuse was right all along or now the abused has nowhere to go. I want to read about the abused person slowly learning how to trust. I want to watch them fall and relapse. I want to see them struggle, only for good to win in the end. I want people to help them. I want people to protect them on their terms, not necessarily stomp up to the abuser's door and beat the shit out of them, but make sure the abused is safe and cared for. I want to read stories where the abuser tries to reconcile, but the abused is smart enough to not fall into their trap. I want to watch them fall back into the trap and realize the abuser never changed and struggle to get back out.
I want so so soooo many things out of stories where there's abuse, but "make it clear this relationship is obviously abusive or it's glorifying abuse" is never one of them.
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