[lettersforadeadgirl]

dear m

it's been a while

i saw your twin today i don't think they even know who i am but seeing your smile again warmed my heart but i do wish it was yours and that id see it again

that's all for now i haven't forgotten you and i still miss you

always yours a

[lettersforadeadgirl]

hi m its been a while

i feel guilty about not writing i feel guilty about not visiting and i feel guilty about not writing more when you were still here

in the past year ive made a really good friend and their birthday was yesterday and i told myself its too soon for grief to over take me like it does each spring i cant let it get me now i have to wait i have to be happy for them and i was and then another friend posted about their own experiences with loss and the grief hitting hard bc they couldn't share something with that person anyway and i just wish i had been better at sharing my life with you you meant so much to me and i just never reached out when i should have

i went back through our old messages and every i miss you and i didn't get to say goodbye just hurts so much more knowing i also wasn't able to say goodbye in the end

i am on antidepressants now and they're working and i know that doesn't stop me from feeling the negative feelings but i hoped that the complete over taking by the grief would at least wait until mid/late march or perhaps even until april but it didnt and i miss you and i was to sit in bed and watch shows with you and i can never thank you enough for all the ways you helped shape me into who i am today i love you and im sorry

always yours a

[lettersforadeadgirl]

as much as i love you i am not watching sherlock alone

[lettersforadeadgirl]

the grief and the shame are running in circles again and im stuck in the middle

[glowcowboy]

grief is so crazy like what if i forget what her laugh sounds like. does she know i loved her. i miss her so much. i catch myself doing things she used to do. i wish i could call her. i miss her so much. i do a crossword puzzle. i cry while washing the dishes. does she know i loved her? my heart feels like a hummingbird. i miss her so much. what if i forget what her laugh sounds like. what if i forget.

[lettersforadeadgirl]

one moment i will be thinking im doing okay but then it all comes back to be and i lose the ability to even stand i miss you so much but you've been gone longer than i even knew you

[glowcowboy]

sobbing on the kitchen floor just saying to myself “but i loved her! i loved her. i loved her,” wondering how i can bear the grief. and the answer coming back to me in that same way. “i loved her. i loved her. i loved her.”

[lettersforadeadgirl]

dear m

tumblr is acting up and i refuse to update the app so i don't even know if this will post right

but i was just remaking a playlist for someone i had deleted for stupid reasons and i was feeling regret but now i wanted to remake it and so i was a bit upset that i couldn't remember what i had put on there and it suddenly hit me

just how much i can't remember how much no matter how hard i try i will never be able to remember and it doesn't matter how much i want to i will always forget

it's been 6 years soon and i didn't learn anything im still just as broken i didn't learn how to appreciate the small things i didn't learn how cherish being alive i didn't learn how to be a better friend or person

i might just be a much worse person than the one you knew im sorry i can't be a better person not even for you

i can understand why you chose april

sincerely yours a

[lettersforadeadgirl]

i really miss you tonight

[lettersforadeadgirl]

dear m

It has been a while. Again. I haven't gone to see you in well over a year now I think.

It's coming up on 6 years this April. While I remember the impact you've had on my life I can barely even remember you. I miss you but how can I miss you if I don't remember you? You've been gone longer than I even knew you.

It's not even that you're not a memorable person I have just never been good at remembering anything ever but I really wish you would have been the exception.

I'm so sorry I wish I'd have been better at talking to you better at being there for you better at being a person for you and for everyone else.

These days I'm starting to really understand why you did what you did but I wish I didn't I don't want to leave others with this same pain but it can just get so overwhelming you know?

I'm sorry a

[podencos]

Toni Morrison on grief

[zegalba]

Virga, the phenomenon of rain not reaching the ground. Virga is produced when rain is falling from the base of the cloud but evaporates in dry air before reaching the ground surface.

[dymbedhjete]

[metamatar-deactivated20250401]

searches how to harden my heart against grief. searches how to harden my heart against grief. searches how to harden my heart against grief. searches how to harden my heart against grief. how to heart grief. how to grief.

[lettersforadeadgirl]

April is always tough but this year has been especially tough just glad I'm surrounded by good people online and irl

[lettersforadeadgirl]

Hi

It's been a while I still miss you I still have regrets even now 5 years later

I'm sorry I'm so so sorry

It still hurts knowing I forgot your laugh maybe if my memory was better I would have some more of you and I but I don't and I hate myself for it every day

I pass the place you are quite often but I can't make myself go see you these days and the guilt is eating me up

I I wish had more pictures of you more videos more of your time with me

I guess the positive is the grief doesn't overtake me as much anymore there are days it's worse and things that trigger it like the recent passing of a singer but even if it isn't as extreme as right now I still think of you

I am not sleeping alone tonight I have my family close so you don't need to worry about me

Speaking of family your sister still posts about you and the weather and your little garden in the recent posts I still see my heart hanging in your tree it makes me happy that even though I can't go a bit of me is still there with you

I didn't get to say goodbye I didn't get to see you again and it hurts it hurts so fucking much I miss you and you are gone I can't see you I want to see you I want to hear you laugh I want you to be here

[girlscode-deactivated20170831]