Chronicles of a particularly jobless day at work.
1. It bothers you that your cappuccino foam isnât exactly up to the brim, so you blow air into it with a straw after every sip. You feel unreasonably happy when it does come up precisely to the brim.
2. Counter-intuitively, not talking to anyone for the entire day tends to make your mouth feel like itâs been stuffed with dry straw.
3. Anyone older than you is uncool, and anyone younger than you is uppity. Only the ones exactly as old as you are worth your time. You know all of the above to be explicitly untrue.
4. If your head HR has an insect tattooed on her neck (or even if she doesnât), itâs just good principle to not provoke her in any manner. There is a reason why she is working that job, and it likely doesnât involve her demure and soft-spoken nature.
5. That cute guy who helped you out extensively when you first joined about a year ago invariably flirts with the pretty young intern that joined a month ago. You feel slightly offended, vastly amused and oddly sympathetic. You remember that you are getting older.
6. If you want to read something inappropriate during work, make sure the screen is as zoomed out as possible. Small print is usually enough to deter most casual peekers.
7. At least once a day, the friends you (grudgingly) made talk about leaving. To study something else, to get a better paying job, to get married. Some days one of them goes through with it, and that sense of being left behind comes back stronger than ever.
8. Free soft drinks get old really quickly. Especially after you have to go pee ten times a day. All the air conditioning isnât doing your bladder any favours either. You wish you could eat a sandwich instead.
9. You donât really need more money, you could live comfortably on what theyâre paying you, but you still complain about the abysmal bonus you received, or the ludicrous hike you didnât get because itâs bad form to say you are satisfied. And also because theyâll promptly force you to treat them to lunch else wise.
10. Corporate office washrooms are fun places to hang out. Mainly because they are warm, unlike the rest of the freezing building. And also because they are about the only places in the entire complex where you have a reasonable chance of speaking on the phone uninterrupted and un-eavesdropped on.
11. Having the right soundtrack on while working is extremely underrated. Sure, youâll stop working from time to time to sing your favourite lines, and sometimes attract concerned stares because you forgot to keep your voice down. But at least itâll be, well, fun.
12. You realise you are now well-practiced at making the laughing sound, without actually laughing. You reserve that sound for those times when your senior comes along and makes a joke.