sinta @letterstomakeyouok - Tumblr Blog

there are days when my hearts breaks over the idea that i will always be the giver and not the receiver.

the planner who may never experience that feeling of getting surprises. and while i've been good at making peace with it, sometimes life really has its way of trying to shatter you.

2/16/25 8PM

More than 10 years later and you’re told that loving you feels like a chore.

That giving you flowers is frustrating even when receiving one makes you happy.

2/4/25 8:24am

They say that the law of conservation of energy states that energy cannot be created or destroyed, but it can be changed from one form to another.

So if I die one day, I may not be here physically, but:

I will be in the spaces we once shared, in the things that made me genuinely happy, in the songs we loved listening to, in the mountains i’ve climbed, and in the random moments that only us could understand.

So I hope you remember me. Please do your best to remember. Because when I die one day, I will no longer be in this world, but in your memories, I will stay.

So please, please remember.

letsbelonelytogetherr

— Khalil Gibran

demidiabolicaldiabetic-deactiva

Holdin out for this.

if i die, will you come looking for me?

Triggers

I realized that maybe the reason why i’m not used to asking for help is because whenever i do, i always end up getting disappointed at how people respond - sometimes they’re uninterested, or stupid, but more often they’re just really unreliable.

And it hurts when these are your people.

is this my last year on earth?

i’m dying to find out

Things that I'm grateful for this 2022:

Witnessed our nation ignite its hope for the country during Leni and Kiko's electoral campaign. This memory, no matter how heartbreaking it turned out, will always have a special corner in my entire being because of how it championed the people through compassion and volunteerism.

Got a job in GCash which is I think one of the best things to happen this year - I learned how to strategize bigger campaigns, to lead better, and to listen.

Slowly learned to be out there again so I can discover more places, experience exciting things, and meet more people.

Created mugs that felt more in line with my personality and taste.

Mom and dad welcoming Arom to the family.

Ulap's 1st birthday! We wrote a song for Ulap months prior to his birthday but the video that we recorded was in the phone that I lost :( but it's ok we'll just record another one this year.

Seeing my friends thrive in their careers, life, and love.

Reuniting with old college friends and spending almost all the fridays of my June - July with them (timezone, batang90eas, atc)

I saw how my sister tried to turn her life around after her downs last year, she also seems happier now.

My younger sister finally went out of the closet and even introduced her girlfriend.

Dad landing a good project and then producing a really great output for it.

Our parents finally building our dream house.

Helped a friend get a job in our company - she was so happy because she's been wanting to leave her current job for so long.

Watched HITC and saw some old friends from globe!

Saw Eraserheads live for the first time with Arom. Another core memory: holding each other's hands as the fireworks went out, with huling el bimbo playing in the background.

Myself.

wholeheartedsuggestions

insta: @duckinggoodart

Dear you,

You're stuck but you will eventually breakthrough, like you always do.

Believing in you,

Things I look forward to in 2023:

Umakyat ng bundok (walang count, basta makaakyat and ma-feel lang ang nature nang di gumagastos nang malaki haha).

Maka-attend ng writing workshop ni Bing Lao. Higit sa gusto kong matuto na magsulat, mas gusto ko makahugot ng inspirasyon.

Makahanap ng stable raket para may pangnood ako ng Wanderland sa March.

Ma-launch ang Lucky Load and GCash International, at makaramdam ng sense of achievement sa career ko.

Magsulat - children's book or script, kahit ano. Basta makagawa.

Put my work out there and let people draw inspiration from my craft.

Makaipon ulit para makapag-invest.

122922

Dear you,

Your life will not get better over night. The things you've been wishing for will not happen in a snap.

But I promise you that everything will eventually fall into place, and when they do, the pain that you're going through right now will finally make sense.

So just this once, please let go and let things course through on their own - masakit man o hindi, yakapin mo. Tandaan mo bawat kurot at hapdi, para kapag panahon mo namang sumaya, hindi mo makalimutang pasalamatan ang sarili mo dahil 'di ka sumuko.

Padayon,

122922

Hello. Kamusta?

Matatapos na ang taon. Dalawang araw na lang, actually. Parang ang bilis lumipas ng mga buwan, 'no?

Tanda ko pa nung sinimulan ko yung taon - it felt like running in place, 'yung sipa ako nang sipa pero hindi ako umuusad. 'Di naman ako gumagalaw o umaalis sa pwesto ko, pero bakit ako napapagod? Malakas lang ba trip ng universe? Siguro.

Pero mas 'di ko maintindihan kung bakit umusad ako nung panahon na nagdesisyon akong tumigil. Siguro malakas nga ang tama ng universe.

But it was freeing, para akong umahon sa matagal na pagsisid sa malawak at maalon na dagat. I still didn't know where I was, but at least I wasn't drowning anymore. I could finally see the line where the skies and the ocean meet; and although blurry, it was comforting to know that there's an end to all of these - the darkness, the suffocation, the uncertainty. I just needed to move and sometimes, to listen to myself when it's time to take a pause.

The first half of my year was a mix of bitter and sweet.

I discovered a brand new sense of genuine hope for our country because of Leni and Kiko's campaign, I met new friends, I became braver and even inspired a few to be one as well, I fought for a brighter future alongside Arom, created core memories with my family, friends, and Ulap.

But isn't it crazy how the very same thing that brought you happiness could also make you feel an immeasurable amount of pain?

We lost Zash, our family lost a selfless, clever, and kind person like tita Julie, our nation lost to corrupt politicians, we lost our future to selfish fascists, and to serve as the cherry on top, I recently lost my phone where all the memories I created this year are stored.

Ang daming nangyari sa lumipas na mga buwan. May mga araw na puno ako ng pagmamahal, may mga gabi na mag-isa 'kong umiiyak sa pagtulog, pero mas marami 'yung pagkakataon na kailangan kong hanapin ang gitna ng pait at saya para patuloy kong maitawid ang mga buwan.

At ngayong magwawakas na ang taon, pakiramdam ko bumabalik ako ulit sa kung saan ako nagsimula - nawawala, nahihirapang ibangon ang sarili mula sa pagkadapa, hindi alam kung paano tatakbo gayong hindi ako makatayo.

Pero sabi nga nila, "ang bawat paglubog ay may kaakibat na pag ahon". Kailangan ko lang siguro lumangoy nang lumangoy hanggang sa maaninag ko ulit ang liwanag.

Unting tiyaga pa. Balang araw, pwede na ulit akong umahon; kakayanin na ulit bumangon.

Padayon,

Oct 1

I don’t feel appreciated I feel like crying.

September 10

I just want my mind to stop thinking.

Aug 29

I’m tired of making excuses. Huli na ‘to.

Simple things that have been bringing me joy lately:

1. Journaling

2. Discovering a book that can immediately hook me with its unique and interesting first line

3. Seafood but make them salted egg or truffle flavored

4. Still seeing the light of day as I end my work

5. Teaching people

6. Taking comfort in the fact that I still have space and time to grow every time I feel like I’m being left behind

7. Relaxing non-lyrical music and weird ASMR roleplays that help me sleep in minutes

8. Daydreaming about my future and thinking of ways to get myself there

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