Letters to my Abba...Dear God @letterstomyabba-blog - Tumblr Blog

I was just reading back through the months. It saddens me. I can't even express it any more.

Setback

I know you said no good thing would you withhold from me. Well right now it feels like something is being withheld. As I sit by myself while everyone else is surrounded by people and laughter I'm feeling left out. I'm feeling punished. And I know that disappoints you. Which is even more frustrating.

All I want is to love and be loved. Why is he the only one that gets the privilege?

What do you do when Gods vengeance doesn't look like you thought it would?

Why can I see everyone's worth but my own?

Truth Is

It's still sucks. It may not hurt like it used to but it still sucks none the less.

Looking for love I had come to a place of feeling completely unloved. I was ready to do things differently. My way hadn't worked.

But God delivers him from them all!

I have been on this journey of restoration. A journey of healing, of learning who I am. And as I was researching roots of spirits like fear and rejection, and the fruit it bears in a persons life I began to feel overwhelmed. As I'm reading I'm getting discouraged. My heart is saying "Lord it seems like with each new chapter, with every new book, my list of symptoms seems to be growing. " You ever feel like there are so many issues, you don't know where to start? But my God kindly told me " many are the afflictions (things that cause pain or suffering) but the LORD delivers him from them all." The past pain, disappointment, hurts, broken promises, dreams deferred, spirits of fear and rejection, brokenness the LORD has promised to deliver us from them all. Yes to me the list seemed to be unending however thats when God rises to the challenge. And because He loves me so much, it is his pleasure to deliver me. Because of his very nature He won't let me stay the same! Pastor declared today "My status is changing! My praise is shifting! My travail is shifting! And my promise (healing and deliverance) will REIGN!

Loving you, broke me. Even more.

Me

Guilty as charged! I'm so glad God has delivered me from fear, fear of being alone and the root of rejection and fear. I look at this statement and cringe because I remember saying "I'll just keep him around until I find something better." Why? Because who wants to be alone again. So I made the choice to deal with the drama, stress, lies, deception, all in the name of not being alone. Sure my joy, peace, and happiness were shot, non existent, I mean completely missing. But I didn't count it a loss because I had someone to come home too. At the end of the day the craziness was better than the silence. Or so I thought. Thankful for a renewed mind. My love for myself has been rejuvenated. No more settling in the name of not being single. I'm thankful for wholeness and completeness that comes from God, mr having a man. I have my joy and peace of mind back, and right now an empty house is alright with me when I think of how far I came to losing everything. Thankful for restoration and a patient, loving God that wouldn't let me settle for less than I deserve. So he broke me to get me to see my worth.

I'd rather be alone than build a broken home.

Dark Waves

If all that we are is two matching scars, I don't wanna be in love.

Dark Waves

When my tears dried up, I realized God worked that hurt out for my good.

Wives In Waiting

It's like she was talking to me.

#SpeakLord #SingleSeason

I wish I could tell him...

I had to forgive you a long time ago or my father wouldn't have forgiven me. It's really a process or decision, definitely not a feeling based on emotion. At any given moment I can have a thought and have to forgive you all over again. You are the biggest regret of my life. Mainly because you were an avoidable mistake. I blamed you for a long time however after awhile I took responsibility for my actions and the part I played in making you possible. You shouldn't have ever happened. But I'm thankful for the lessons you've taught me. Im learning to love myself even more because of you. I'm learning to define what I want, my boundaries, and not allow loneliness to change me. I'm learning me, spending time with me, loving on me. I'm healing. I'm become whole, complete, lacking nothing. I'm becoming a good thing. If I could make one request it would be for you to do the same. Learn to love you. Stop using women to fill voids. Stop breaking women. The next one may not be as strong. She may succeed where I failed and I fear the the results that guilt will produce. You've left a trail of broken women behind you with your actions. Let the trail stop with me. I pray God heal you where you're broken. I pray that he deliver and set you free from the chains that bind you, emotional and mental. I pray you understand the magnitude of Gods love for you. I pray you understand the magnitude of your actions. I pray that God root out the fear, rejection, resentment, anger, every ungodly thing. I pray Gods spirit and anointing fill your your very being that you are changed for the better. That you have an experience with God like never before. That you become the man God created you to be. That God set you free and you become free indeed. In Jesus name I pray. Amen.

The power of one individual decision can never be underestimated.

Bishop TD Jakes

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Letters to my Abba...Dear God