After ten years, yes it's really been that long; after ten years I've come to realize a few things along the way. You play by your own rules. It's easy to know you, but it's another thing completely to be a close friend. You ask for advise,which is all great and everything, but be giving you a wealth of advise and hear you ultimatly chose another course of action, then regret it in the end is... it's not frustrating, it's not bad... It's I guess entertaining in the fact that I'm just waiting till you take some advise and it actually work out for the better! I'm waiting, hoping, praying that you have a happy life free of struggle. I can only speak for me, and what I know about you is minimal. By you I mean who you are and what motivates you from the inside. I do, however, know that if you were just given a chance in life you would probably have minimal success, because I think you are the type of person who has to make mistakes to learn. (back to the advise part; you ultimatly do what you want, not listening to my advise and learning from my mistakes, but rather learning from your own mistakes) I also know that if you worked at it, you could be madly successful! The link here is that you would learn from your own mistakes and at the end of the day I think you're better off that way. You would make mistakes earlier so you would loose less than if you made more mistakes later on when you actually had something to loose. This is coming from the outside looking in, mind you I could be completely wrong. It doesn't seem like a lot of urgency in your life to be expressing yourself in a... Constructive way, I don't see you really doing anything to help you get out of this, what seems to me as a rut, you are in. You're young, and just kind of existing for a little bit here till you plan your life out. So let me paint the picture. You have an appartment, you don't have a car, or job to my knowledge, you almost only talk to me to see if I have any weed (mind you I said almost,) which you smoke all the time (and have a child around, I'm just saying), and if my memory serves me correctly you also smoke ciggeretts and outside your appartment is an old can filled with butts. You dropped out of college, and the refridgerater is covered in permanant marker with random drawings and quotes from a man tripping in acid, you have threesomes with your boyfriend. I can see how it is fun and "just sex" not meaning anything; here's the thing, relationships are meant to be exclusive. When you bring other people into it, you mess that special connection, that whole exclusive part is the whole point. You shouldn't have to feel the desire to bring someone else into it. There should be a satisfaction of an emotional, physical, and even spiritual connection with that one person you are with. To be in a relationship, that means you care about them more than anybody else in the world, I don't think I've ever seen you single for more than a few months at most since before high school. Like I said, I don't know YOU, but I think if you really thought about it, I don't think you'd like how you're living. All I'm saying is you have everything you need to be successful, but you don't have enough patientce for it. You know you can be, you have the patience to draw photography quality things! If you don't have fun with it now you get pissed and cheese it. (which by the way if this is seeming like a lecture you probably already got pissed and stopped. If you haven't, please continue reading!) Sometimes people tell you stuff and they just want to let you know what the perception is. I'm not hating, I'm trying to get to the you I see, the successful you. The you that could be so successful, but only if you dare to dream. All in all nothing you do is bad by any means, just a few things maybe you could do that you currently are not doing? Throughout all the drawings, all the tattoos, and weed; you can bet I'm going to keep an eye on you and your carreer.
