i think about the last time i saw you too often. if only i knew in that moment that i would never see you again. it has been nearly two years since i last saw you. the last time i saw you, you were walking down a staircase to your car. i was walking to mine. it was as if i felt it would be the last time looking at you, since i chose to look back, across the parking lot. if only i knew i would miss the ability to look at you. god, i miss your stupid voice, and how it made me completely dizzy. i miss the small moments. i miss it all, but life goes on, right? now, i have to park in that parking lot and never see your car, no matter how many times i look around the parking lot, and watch the stairs and never see you walking them. i have the memory of that moment, the exact day, time and place i last saw you, the way your hands started shaking, nervously, when we were close to each other, the feeling of locking eyes across a room, the way we were terrified to talk to each other and never actually had a conversation, our 3 am text message conversations that no one knew about, but it’s all in my head. only the memory remains. will it all fade or will it eternally linger?
