white winged dove

❝ you're gonna disappoint me. i'm gonna disappoint you. ❞

[lgcxcharlie]

lgcseojin·:

╰ stop talking,

( ... )

“Actually… that might not be a bad idea, Charlie. I mean, we’re not gonna be a fuㅡ We’re not gonna be a light pop group. Rock is about that feeling.” Seojin procured a pen from his pocket and leafed through his notebook to a fresh page. Arms crossed, he leaned back in his chair. “I guess we couldn’t go too hard with it since that’d be a bad idea… but. What would you say? How would you express yourself to someone saying things about you?” He allowed the air to settle for a bit before ending his counter with a light-hearted comment. “If anyone has, y'know I’ll beat them up in a heartbeat, right?”

there is a better way and time to say something, always. charlie knew and understood how powerful words can be, in a positive, and, unfortunately, negative way. she had experienced it first hand, how easily words can make or brerak somebody. she was no saint, but when she has the option to be kinder, she'd choose that any day. maybe she does like to sugar-coat things, why is that such a bad thing at this time and age of hate hidden behind anonymity? speaking the truth isn't a free pass to be rude and spiteful either.

being mindful of her words is something her dad reinforced, and a habit she had carried with her to this day. there's a different kind of peace knowing she still had control over what she puts out to the world. and while she consciouisly practiced this, charlie understood that it wasn't for everyone. part of this understanding involved intrigue too, one that was never acted on until moments ago when she jokingly mentions writing a diss track... which seojin may have assumed to be her plan, "oh, t-that's not what i meant," she quickly tells him as she smiles nervously

but as always, seojin makes an excellent point -- rock definitely is about that feeling. charlie heaves a sigh as she gives in, it wouldn't hurt to be a little blunt. she holds back the amused smile at seojin's proposition. "i'll keep that in mind, rocky balboa," she lets out a quiet laugh before she digressed a little. "what would i say? maybe... watch what you're saying? i don't need your opinion? it's not your business? why are you talking as you please?" there was no way she could say that out loud ever, but imagining she could is an interesting feeling. "it's annoying?"

[lgcxcharlie]

lgcxjinah·:

charlie introducing herself without being prompted was a great start to the interview and left jinah feeling like this would be an easy one. clapping her hands a few more times to hype the female up a bit more, she potentially outs herself as a personal fan and show a bit of bias but charlie deserved all the hype and praise she could get. 

“no, no thank YOU for being here today! being one of the front people in blacklight right now, you actually have quite a profile as a musician already, no? but- let us start at the beginning! blacklight- as we now is the new band legacy music is putting together, right? what can you tell us about blacklight? what kind of music can we expect from you guys,” she starts off, shuffling one of her cue cards to the back after she mentally ticked off all the points on there she had wanted to mention.

and there she was, thinking that she had gotten used to being in a proper band. but it still makes her smile, makes her heart flutter when she hears it at the start of the show, when they introduce themselves to a crowd, and anywhere outside their meetings with bae mihi. "blacklight is about illuminating hidden talents behind unassuming appearances. our members are very different from each other, not just our aesthetics, music style, and preferences, but together, we make something extraordinary." it doesn't have to be complicated, she thinks. "the blacklight does reveal invisible colors, vivid & brighter ones at that."

"the kind of music people can expect from us..." she smiles as she repeats the other's words. "the music scene right now is so diverse and evolved, and we're hoping to make music that moves with the times, and carries our sincerity. the kind that we, ourselves, would listen to and perform and still feel it's genuine. you know, the emotion, the energy, and the influence it will have on anyone who listens or watches our performances in the future." right now feels the most comfortable and relaxed she's ever been these past few weeks, "music can be an escape, an anchor... it can mean a hundred different things, and personally, if i can put out music with blacklight that makes someone feel something, i'd be over the moon."

[lgcxcharlie]

lgcseolmi·:

sugar & spice

( ... )

She’s returned the bags to the table and is teaching over for a bottle of tea she had picked up on their trip when a thought hits her. “Or what if you make some and I take photos? We can type up the recipe and insert step by step photos of the two of us? That might be cute?” It might be a little less work than writing things out, but a part of her knows how well Charlie can bake and she can’t help but to at least try to sway her into making a batch for her. “I mean, if we’re not too tired from packing everything.”

charlie wasn't sure when it began, why there was this bittersweet feeling that lingers. and it grows vivid when seolmi was around. at first, she thought it would pass, the way she felt the need to say something but at the same not do so. they were friends and yet the uncomfortable hesitation makes her hold back so much to the point that she just puts it aside all together. it was not usually like this, but everytime she pays closer attention, it seems like there was something they were clearly not comfortable to share yet. "of course, you are!" she quickly replies with a smile.

time and time again, she reminds herself not too put meaning in every little thing she noticed. expressions inevitably shown for a fraction of a second, the kind that distracted eyes would not even notice. but charlie is anything but, so she sees it clearly. sees the flinch, sees the look in their eyes when she says something that stirs unwanted emotions. she, too, has many, and like now, she chooses not to indulge them, humming as she nods, "they were really popular at one point, i think the trend is coming back."

it was easy to forget the lulled sadness when a friend is trying to cheer her up, and seolmi always does that -- even when she too had her own feelings to sort out. charlie's face lights up, beaming as she nodded," i like that! i think people will too, i mean it's like we're doing it together, we're not just giving them tangible or edible gifts, but the experience too. you're a genius, seolmi!" she continues with a giggle as she heaves a relieved sigh. now that there was a goal, it would be much easier to continue without getting distracted. "got any plans for the 14th?"

[lgcxcharlie]

lgcseojin·:

╰ stop talking,

@lgcxcharlie

Over the past month and a half, Seojin had unfortunately fallen into a pit of pessimism. His moody was in the gutter, but his face would hardly show it. Who would even notice on a guy with what people loved to call ‘resting bitch face’? None would blame him if they knew of the events currently turning his life upside down. ( Dramatics, of course. Everything else was going smoothly. He had no right to be so angry. Even so, he barreled down the halls of the Legacy building with a huff, injured foot dragging him down. )

Light finally reached his eyes when the new semester arrived. They would not be going to Japan as planned, but the new plan put in place for him was just as good, if not better. Finally. He got to write a song that would be acknowledged by company. 

He rushed to Charlie as his working partner without a second thought. What a perfect opportunity for the both of them to release whatever pent up emotions they bottled up than through a song.

Seojin fumbled with keeping hold of his notebook, guitar on his back and hands clutched around the top of a chair for support. He managed to corral himself and Charlie into an empty working room so they could get started as soon as possible. Call him a bit too enthusiastic for his own good but he had his reasons.

“Can you believe this shit? We actually get to write something!” Frankly, this was the most upbeat he sounded in weeks.

for a second there, charlie felt just a tiny bit disappointed that japan was a no-go. it kept her anchored, something she could look forward to and focus on. though, in a way, she liked this new direction even more. after all, she did like to work behind the scenes too. what better way to unwind and loosen up than to fiddle around with music? the best part is not feeling pressured to put her pen down to do something else. it was easy to lose track of time, just playing around with old pieces in the middle of the night -- trying to be as quiet as she could. and it's even easier to forget everything she set aside for the 'later' that she hoped never to come.

relief is truly an understatement, and considering the great turmoil she had been dealing with for weeks now, it would do. it wasn't an imposed or anything, but she seemed to have this image of being calm and collected. like she goes through everything and anything that is thrown her way 'with grace', as some of her friends would put it. now living up to it was helping her become just that -- except when the breathing exercises don't work anymore and she had to urge to curse. just like that seojin did, "excuse me, language." she scolds him, complete with the look trainers give them when they mess up. a look that soon melts into a smile, glad that seojin seemed to be feeling better.

charlie realized early on that she wasn't the only one on edge this past few weeks. all the band members, no matter how put together they were on stage, carried something they tried to hide. she wasn't sure how to put it, a feeling... a vibe? it made her uneasy, but she didn't know how to help them with it so she gave them space instead. "i know, i mean, now i wouldn't feel bad for carrying my journal everywhere, or stop mid-practice to write something down." a light laugh escapes before she heaves a sigh, humming as she flips through pages. "do you think we'd get away with a diss track?" she says jokingly.

[lgcxcharlie]

lgcxjinah·:

( ... )

and charlie was a darling to work with. being best friends with her brother, jinah had been a bit nervous to leave a good impression but with how quickly those two clicked and were comfortable to share some tidbits better kept secret, the entertainer was genuinely excited. “welcome back to lgc access! now we have one of our rising new stars- one of the lead singers of BLACKLIGHT! Long Charlotte,” she prompts, moving to make room for charlie to enter the set so she could sit with jinah.

by now, it should be normal for charlie to do interviews and fan interactions... should be. she had gotten up on stage in front of thousands, and had performed so many times in the last few months that it was like her dreams had already come true. it was no small feat to finish a tour like that, she never thought it was, but it was more of feeling that she knew she did well that made her have no regrets and think it successful.

her mind was set on doing it all over again in japan, but plans have been delayed for now. she'd go through the tedious preparations than do interviews really. it's a part of the artist's package though. a way to get to know them a little, a glimpse at the person offstage. it wasn't that she couldn't do it, it's just a... complicated process to get herself ready for it.

charlie felt a switch flip, like when she's about to go on stage, just as the first beat drops. every worry she has just falls away, and she finds herself focusing only on what she had to do. the smile spreads on her lips as she made herself comfortable next to jinah, bowing and waving at the camera, "hello, i'm one of blacklight's current members, charlotte leong." she introduced herself, "you can call me charlie. and thank you for having me."

it was fortunate that jinah was doing the interview. there's a sense of comfort knowing that it was someone who she sort of has a connection with. it was going to be about the music, no funny business, nothing to catch her off guard. just the music. the thought was calming, reassuring in a way. she wouldn't stutter because if there was anything she can talk about easily, it was the making music.

[lgcxcharlie]

lgc sports festival 2020 - 'spacing out' (competition solo)

figuring out which competition would participate in was easy for charlie, but that didn't mean she didn't agonize over the list she had to go through before she made her decision. now that she thought about it though, it wasn't so bad. in fact, just reminiscing all those things she had to mull over before choosing spacing out -- doing nothing is more like it, would help her avoid any distractions as she sat amongst the participants.

charlie sat there just as disinterested looking as the rest as they went over the rules, reminders, and introduced who would be watching them closely. there was very little preparation needed for her really, she does this often, even without the label of a competition. as soon as she got to the dorm, she'd sit at the foot of her bed and just... let her mind wonder. honestly, she preferred sleeping but lately it comes by with great difficulty so she'd just sit there, doing absolutely nothing but staring a the void. it's not exactly meditating, but once she realizes what she was doing, it was already midnight and way past the time she ought herself to sleep.

time usually moves faster like this, unlike with the rest of the activities that needed her to exert far more energy than she usually does. she's already exhausted more than usual the last few days, she'd end up injuring herself needlessly. first of all, who was she kidding if she participated in hurdles and the relay? her legs aren't built for dancing, running or jumping even more so. basketball, penalty shootout, pitching, bowling, and korean wrestling were out of the question -- she does not have a death wish, and too many people. archery just seems dangerous, rhythmic gymnastics... how does she even begin to elaborate her inability to contort her body in a way that would look beautiful and elegant?

spacing-out and esports were two of the choices she had on top of mind, but she had to be practical and chose the the least stressful one. and so, spacing out it is. charlie just sits there, noticing participants standing up and leaving one right after another, but unable to pay more attention than needed. it wasn't about winning really, she's just... spacing out, and unable to... okay, maybe a little lazy to let her mind put together a reaction. she might just win this if she held it out a bit longer.

[lgcxcharlie]

lgcseojin·:

draw the curtains

Seojin knew Charlie long enough by now to sense something was off with her. ( He wondered if she would be able to sense it in him, too. ) Typically, he was, to his own admission, no good at being as empathetic as people would like for him to be. The other band trainee could partially bring it out of him without needing any coaxing. She was always kind to him and showed persistent determination for her dream. There was no reason for even Seojin to hold any negative feelings toward her.

“Charlie.” His tone emerged a  bit stern. He didn’t want to come across too aggressive with her. Though he did not fully comprehend the reaches of her anxiety, he thought he knew how to coax her out of the mindset. “There’s nothing to worry about. ‘Sidesㅡ” He set his guitar down and fiddled with the knobs. “You especially got nothing to worry about. You have a great voice and you’re great on guitar. I’m pretty sure the crowd loves you, too. Bet you there’s gonna be tons of cheers for your name.” 

With a sigh that mirrored hers, Seojin leaned his shoulder against the nearest wall and folded his arms across his chest. “I’ll make you a deal. If we do well tonight, I’ll buy the whole group dinner. If not, then it’s on your tab. Got it?” He could only hope that his confidence would rub off on her in one way or another. Not seeing a smile on her face was almost… painful.

she held her breath for a moment though, just as seojin spoke, focused on him and his words. there's nothing to worry about... he's right. she knows that he is. the idea was easy enough to grasp, easy to repeat and condition herself to abide by. she did just that, told herself the number of times seojin was right about things and how everything would work out. but as the sounds around them began to flood her mind, pulling her back from her thoughts, charlie could only wish it were that easy. she wanted to trick her mind to believe seojin's words completely and be able to shake off the nerves.

charlie desperately wished it was her voice, how she played, something -- anything -- that could be fixed by rehearing or taking lessons, or a good night's sleep. she wanted this terrifying thought to be something she could... fix. she wanted it to go away, wanted her life to be peaceful for once. the last thing she needs now is to make anyone worried, especially the band members. they were all under a lot of pressure, and she didn't want to add to that.

"i..." the words were stuck at the back of her throat, and it was not because she refused to take on the offer. she had to think for a second, uneasy that she might just slip. it's not really the performance, saying those words would change the course of the conversation. it will make things more complicated. they didn't need that now, she can't ruin this for them... and herself. especially herself. "are you sure, seojin?" she replies with a small playful smile slowly growing on her lips. she didn't like the feeling of having to fake one, but she had to make the choice to. "because i think we're all in great condition... especially if food's involve, you know?"

[lgcxcharlie]

lgcinsoo·:

look past blinding lights

( ... )

so, he takes a few moments to compose himself, if anything to sound less sentimental than he should be. “whether you believe it or not, i also feel the same way. you’ve accomplished so much, from what i heard.” he says in return. it wasn’t until recently that he had gone out of the shadows - of the countless gigs and side-jobs he’d taken in order to pay the bills and debt that his deceased father had left that was nowhere near close to disappearing - and re-evaluated his choices as he took part in something more serious than anything else he had. it is then that he realized just who he was surrounding himself with, and in particular, the talent that he couldn’t help but both envy and be proud of despite the distance that was yet to diminish more than a few centimeters everytime they interacted (it felt like miles long for him, who often craved to be as close to the hip to anyone he cared about.) 

“i hope you continue to be our star, just like always, and you shine even brighter in the future.” he cheered on, smiling with a bit of a blush to his face. “and thank you for your words, charlie.”

charlie was still not used to hearing those kinds of things... compliments, or any semblance of it. the thing is she had never taken training seriously until recently, until this opportunity came along. it took forever for her to admit that she had wanted this more than anything. she held back for such a long time, worried that she would face the same rejection and heartache her father did. it had not been easy, but she decided to really try harder, to give her all, and to be as thick-skinned to maybe have a shot in the industry. and so she knew it well, that overwhelming feeling that takes over when, finally, the acknowledgments come. she remembered the first time it happened, and she also knew how equally grateful she is that she wasn't burdened of having to explain her small, stolen moments of silence after it was spoken.

"thank you, that... that really means a lot." she replies, smiling as she nods lightly. if insoo had told her those words months and months ago, she would have denied it, rejected the kind words sent her way. but not this time, not now. charlie had come to learn that hearing someone accept praise and admiration feels just as good as receiving them. "i've been trying really, really hard not to be... you know, pessimistic about things. and i get anxious a lot, even if i seem to have it under control most of the time. honestly, i don't, and i actually ramble when i get nervous. but... i really mean it, okay? we need you, we need the talented han insoo who also shines bright on the stage, yes?"

the words just kept coming, and she didn't have the heart to stop herself from speaking her mind. rather than feel embarassment, there was a feeling of relief and accomplishment that she had the courage to say tell insoo these things. charlie learned the hard way that life is nothing but an irony, and every moment is as crucial as the one better and the next. "everything's going to be alright, we all have each other."

[lgcxcharlie]

sugar & spice

it will remain a great mystery -- a miracle, in fact, on how both of them found the perfect time in their already busy schedules. nevertheless, charlie was relieved that she was not the only who wanted to make something for their... fans. the very thought that she had those still gives her butterflies, or maybe the right word to describe it is shy. now, would be the right time to do, the last few times had been hectic and they all still made time to show their support.

as always, this could be done the easier way, as charlie would like to put it, buy some pre-made diy sets and follow instructions. that would be practical and convenient, in every sense. but it wasn't how she pictured herself 'giving back' to be. and besides, she's a decent baker... actually, no, if there was anything she was most confident in it would be baking and cooking. and with that confidence she managed to convince seolmi ( @lgcseolmi ) to a quick trip to the supermarket for supplies and back at their dorm.

charlie was double checking everything, lining them up on the table. "you know, we could just go with the diy stuff instead, what do you think?" she looks over to seolmi with a smile, "i could just make cookies with these later on. and valentine's day is right around the corner so i'm sure i could make other stuff with it too for..." she had told herself time and time again to be careful, but it just came out naturally. "for friends."

[lgcxcharlie]

[✉ ↦ charlie ❤] Happy Birthday!! ❤ [✉ ↦ charlie ❤] Did I send you tickets to the musical??  [✉ ↦ charlie ❤] if you come we can go out after to celebrate your birthday!  [✉ ↦ charlie ❤] take care of yourself okay? ❤

[ ✉️ ➡ seolmi💕] thank youuuu! [ ✉️ ➡ seolmi💕] you did, you're so sweet ; n ; [ ✉️ ➡ seolmi💕] i would really love that [ ✉️ ➡ seolmi💕] i will, i promise 💕

[lgcxcharlie]

december 21st 2020

as your training group starts its first lesson of the day, the coach suddenly tells everyone to gather around. when you’re all listening, they suddenly call your name. “leong charlotte…” they don’t sound angry, but they’re not smiling either. are you in trouble? did you do anything wrong? “we heard it’s your birthday… isn’t it?”

before you can react, everyone starts laughing and applauding as a few more staff members enter the room with a cake and a small box. they all sing happy birthday to you, and once the atmosphere calms down again you get handed the box. it contains… letters? “you received a few letters from fans. they also sent this cake. we hope this will brighten your day despite having to come in for training.” 

and right before you all get back to practice, a staff member tells you your gift from the company: a day off to use this upcoming month! you can claim it whenever you want as long as it doesn’t fall on a day with official company or group activities. have fun!

charlie had been thinking about plans for her birthday – for a while now really. but something always comes up and the thought falls away as if she had not worried greatly about it. a day out sounded nice, to an amusement park or an arcade, but that would be tedious, having to make arrangements and check if everyone would be free at the same time. it’s impossible, not to mention inconvenient, and she didn’t want to be the only one having fun that day. then she thought of maybe cooking or baking something, what exactly it would be… she has yet to figure out.

but then the day came closer and closer, and she got busier, and there was not a single plan made. she was fine with it though, stressing over a day that she promised to make good memories of was not going to help. every day is special, that’s what she tells herself instead when she goes to training that day. and it wasn’t so bad, waking up earlier than usual, grabbing something from the nearby cafe and taking her time walking to the building. her mind was clear, attention focused on the most random of things. today was going to be peaceful and quiet, the perfect day.

the laughs and applause however made her cheeks feel warm, the cake, the song, and the gifts. the very things she would always, always say that makes a birthday, well, a birthday were handed to her. charlie smiles and bows, flustered and clapping along as she quietly sang along. “thank you…” she replies, at a loss for words and holding back… tears. maybe she did want more than a peaceful and quiet day, more than a simple dinner like the ones she has every other year. this year is different than the last ones that’s for sure.

[lgcxcharlie]

lgcseolmi·:

( ... )

When she mentions him, Seolmi’s heart drops and the urge to press closer to the other girl, bringing her into a hug surges forward. “I know…” She replies with a small, somber nod. “I didn’t expect… You know, you can call me and text me right?” The last bit of her sentence comes out a bit more forceful and rushed, as Seolmi reaches forward to place a hand on Charlie’s arm. “I mean if you want to… I’ve been busy with rehearsals but I’m here.” She wanted to tell Charlie she’d make time for her, or reply as soon as she could, but the words sounded awkward in her head, even if she meant it. “I’ve actually been meaning to ask if you come to one of the musical’s performances … I’m not a big role but I mean, we’re friends, right? I’d like you to come.”

charlie focused on their conversion, letting her sad thoughts and gloomy preoccupdation fall away. it was better this way, giving her pure, undivided attention seemed like the perfect excuse at the time. seolmi sounded so free of worries, with that lovely smile of hers and that warmth that charlie loved the most. but there was that twitch of something else, weaved amidst her words, carefully tucked beneath her beautiful features. she always thought of her friend as someone who can weather the storm. between the two of them, seolmi seemed much better at dealing with him being gone than she did. perhaps because she had known him longer, been through everything youth can throw at them. she'd never be able to take that away, "i would love that, yes!" she quickly replies, "unfortunately, i have not, but if it's the one with winona ryder, i may have seen clips here and there."

his name, his face, and his... everything danced in her mind, swatting away the cold, letting the familiar taste of young love ease in. it brings her comfort knowing that she had experienced it; and even if she had thought it to be elusive, it was genuine. but now, it was slipping from her fingers. she felt a dry lump making its way up her throat, chest all hollowed up. the chill ones again slithering from beneath her skin, from her fingertips up her arms. she couldn't quite make out how to feel about the whole thing yet, but she was sure that she respected and supported his decision... even if at one point, she was disappointed. charlie set aside her selfishness that day and smiled softly before giving him a kiss and a hug. the universe has its plans, and she had learned to trust this higher, stronger force or beign.

hearing seolmi's words was enough for her to take a moment of silence, careful not to let more of her troubles slip between her words. if she spoke without though and outline, she might just regret opening about the whole thing. she couldn’t bring herself to tell seolmi that she needed more than what was offered, words were not enough. the blinking cursor on the screen or the exchange of messages had not given her any sort of comfort -- even with the chosen few who knew checking up on her. but carlie bit her tongue as usual, holding back and pulling back completely. "i know you are, seolmi." she says instead, her well thought of words to initiate a more serious conversion completely set aside. maybe another time, she thought. "of coure, we're friends, silly!" she giggles, nodding her head. "there are no small parts, only small actors." she adds before humming, lightly tapping on her chin as if thinking, "every actor, in their own little sphere, is the lead. i would absolutely love to see the musical."

[lgcxcharlie]

lgc band mission 003 - 'tour' (solo)

it still feels... odd having to stand on stage, under all the lights and in front of lots of people. every single time, just for a few seconds, she finds herself looking for her dad's face in the crowd. charlie imagines seeing that proud smile whenever she had done something she never thought she could. in those few seconds, she forgets absolutely everything else, holds her breath until her eyes meet that of her dad's. but the cheers and the sounds of their instruments starts to grow loud and she's brought back to here and now.

charlie reminded herself that this is not an official debut, made it very clear to herself not to get her hopes up. and yet, there's still that momentary feeling of victory. this is what she had aimed to do, what she hoped to do for the rest of her life. none of it felt real, but she supposed that's what it's supposed to feel like when your dreams start to come true. the first song was always nerve wracking, always made her feel just a little anxious. it's what sets the tone for the entire show, and even when they've done this one too many times by now, she still feels weirdly worried about messing up.

although she had been getting more and more confident with her korean and her relatively improving japanese, charlie was still the most comfortable singing in english. or perhaps, these past few weeks had just been really stressful that she finds herself regressing. she had no problem singing the songs in their setlist, after all, all of the members had a say in what would be on it. she enjoyed practicing them, even enjoyed performing them live. not all of them were songs she saw herself performing, but that was the beauty of it, it challenged her to be more open and adventurous. the setlist made her step out of her comfort zone.

there was this rush she couldn't explain whenever she was on stage with the other band kids. even in practice, charlie would feel this weird tingles in her fingertips, like electricity coursing through her body as make their way to the climax of the song. her heart races and the exhaustion was the last thing in mind. performing on stage, live, was an even more thrilling experience, the crowd singing along or cheering, just seeing everyone in that venue having a great time was surreal. and it was in those moments that she forgets all the things that worry her.

[lgcxcharlie]

lgcinsoo·:

look past blinding lights

 ( ... )

“well, I suppose. Everyone does, right? i’m not perfect.” he starts a bit hesitantly, vaguely, nearly tempted to change the subject as he fidgets with his feet kicking up the air. “your singing is great though, i’m sure we would manage, even if it was a void of no music. Your voice would shine anyways.” he adds affectionately, honestly, smiling reassuringly. “if anything happens, you can always just gesture to me and i’ll make a beat out of thin air.” he said jokingly, trusting his ability to make noise and make do with a distraction to save the day anywhere he went. 

charlie lets herself be comforted by his words, the idea that she was not alone in this -- even if what pushed them to feel the way they do now were not the same at all. charlie smiles back, nipped her bottom lip as she looked down, still not used to compliments. honestly, it had been difficult not to feel guilty about the slighest feeling of comfort or relief; like she didn't deserve either after all the thoughts that ran through her mind over the course of the last few weeks. and with all the nice things that insoo sent her way came the nausea, her head spinning and her hands growing cold.

"i just don't want to mess up." she replies as she looks over to him. at that moment, charlie was sure she was trying to convince herself more than insoo. everyone had been saying the same thing, and all she could do is be grateful. the universe. or whatever higher power, has been handing her one bad thing after another, that when a good thing does come, she had no idea how to hold it, or even deal with it. she always thought that it would get ripped right from her hand just when she's about to get used to it. it was that feeling exactly that she was terrified of, an irrational fear that may not be as irrational as she thinks.

the distraught was starting to disappear as calmness seeped in. she had to ease herself cautiously in the comforting silence as it gnawed her skin. there was one too many times that she had become too comfortable in the blissfulness of everything peaceful. until it started to create this wall around her, leading her to unintentionally distance herself from others in fear that they might see what was hidden behind it. "don't mind if do then," she continues, making an effort not to let her dark clouds hover around their members too. "you're amazing at what you do, insoo, i don't think the band will be the same if you're not there."

[lgcxcharlie]

lgcseojin·:

draw the curtains

( ... )

“Yeah, of course. There ain’t any doubt that we’re gonna nail it, y'know.” He grabbed two water bottles - one for him, the other for Charlie - and immediately took a hefty swig. They would need the hydration so their voices wouldn’t stick to their throats. “You look real nervous about it. Don’t be.” The classic Seojin level of reassurance. A few people would scold him for such a response if they were around. “I mean, uh. You’ve got nothing to worry about. Your voice and playing sound really good.”

people always thought that she was too... realistic to have even the semblance of how she imagined her future career would be like. sure, she was not the optimist, not exactly the type to hope for the best outcome in any situation -- in fact, she always thought of the hundred ways it could go wrong. but charlie, too, had imagined a handful of times what her life and her career would look like if she did succeed. and where she is right now is exactly how she imagined her career as a member of a band to start out. she's not qualified to be a leader -- that's for sure, but seojin here, does, and she had utmost respect for him.

and because she is, as people put it, the realistic type, it seems to give the impression that she acted and said things because she had weighed in on everything. in reality, charlie had no idea what she was doing -- or maybe, this was just the nerves again. the soundcheck was great, she knew that it was, but there was this odd feeling scratching at her fingertips, an almost subtle but annoying little sensation that distracted her. she would have shaken the feeling off if seojin had not pointed out that it was reaching the surface.

it wasn't the singing, not even the music. but where does she start? and like she always does, charlie casts her thoughts and worries aside, letting a small smile pull slowly on her lips as she hums, nodding her head as she closed her eyes. seojin was right, he always is. this is probably nothing. "you're right," she replies, heaving a sigh before shaking her head and her hands, as if it would help to actually shake off whatever this was bugging her. when she opens her eyes though, the feeling was still there, "what if... there is something to be worried about?"

[lgcxcharlie]

lgc halloween2k20 - halloween party

charlie could feel the static air of discomfort settling, taunting her with its cold and bitter words. it was ugly and black, and it made her want to leave before anyone realized that she's back. she let her eyes scan the room, smiling at the scene, the fun everyone was having, the music, and the vivid colors that made her head spin. she started to feel nauseous just thinking about how long the night is going to be. maybe it was not a good idea to get some fresh air after all.

there was a confusing mix of emotion clawing at her insides. it seemed like a trick question, the kind that was not there for a mere teaching moment alone, but just to shake her. she wants to desperately hold his hands and be comforted until all her worries disappeared. a part of her wanted to drop everything and join him, forget all of this and live the wonderful life she knows they could build together. but perhaps she is not evolved, images of a happy family she never had all but remained that, images. no words dared escape her, even as she urged her hand to lift and tap one of her friends' shoulders, charlie couldn't move. she stood at the corner letting herself be pulled into her own little bubble once again.

she had to trace her steps back to the restroom, slow, careful steps bringing her to a short and somewhat emptied out hallway that stretched ahead of her like a never ending tunnel. the sound of the festivities falls behind her, and she feels the ground swaying from beneath her feet. charlie is relieved everyone's busy enjoying themselves, otherwise she would be dealing with whispers, weird looks, or worse, questions asked out of concern. charlie is fine, there is nothing to worry about. perhaps if she tells herself that a few more times, she'd actually believe it, and she wouldn't be walking on eggshells around her friends.

about ten minutes later, she goes back to the party and decides to join the celebration. she's here, isn't she? she poured her heart in all the live performances, and worked harder than she ever did. no matter how selfish all this may be, she deserves the chance to make her dreams come true.

[lgcxcharlie]

lgcseolmi·:

the witching hour

Taking a small sip from her glass, Seomi began to gesture to Charlie’s outfit. “Yours is so cute too! Cher is so iconic and you look so cute in yellow.” Her praise was earnest and enthusiastic. “We almost match, don’t you think? I mean, it’s different time frames but like teen movies about status and love?” Seolmi stopped to think, brow furrowing for a moment. “Well Mean Girls isn’t really about love but like relationships, I guess. I think it’s been a while since I’ve watched Clueless but now I need to!” Her laughter was good natured as always but it softened and her voice became a bit more soft as she changed the subject just a little. “How are you doing? Not too busy, I hope?

charlie felt much better knowing that seolmi is with her, and not just here at the party. the last few weeks had been... difficult -- even that was an understatement. she was not in the position to stop him, she loves him and she would support and respect his decisions no matter what. and most of all, she trusts him, maybe even more than she trusted herself with life-changing decisions like that. honestly, she didn't get a chance to fully process her boyfriend leaving, she focused more on the good that it can do and the relief that it would bring. she truly put in great effort to be optimistic about the whole thing, that and of course, the amount of time she had to put in rehearsals for their performances.

she hums and smiles as seolmi spoke, letting the rest of the party fall away and just focusing on her friend. it was thanks to seolmi that she feels less stressful about everything, having her made charlie feel less alone. and maybe it was weird, but being close to seolmi sort of makes her forget that her boyfriend left. there was this weird illusion that after training, or some time during lunch, they'd bump into each other and smile at each other like nothing happened. or was that her exhaustion starting to make her crazy? either way, until she figures out what this is, charlie knows that seolmi has become a great friend and confidant. "look, mean girls is a classic, everyone knows it." she insists, "i figured i could only get away dressing up as a superhero once, and that was last year," she sighs, before an amused smile pulls on her lips.

"we are iconic characters, so that is a big yes, we do match," charlie replies, nodding and clinking her glass with seolmi's before taking another sip. she wasn't sure why she was getting so emotional about seeing seolmi smiling and laughing the way she did just now. maybe because charlie had not exactly done it herself, with so many things that kept her busy and up at night. "i'm not exactly..." she trails off, preparing to sugarcoat the whole exhausting experience. "i've been busy, yeah, rehearsals and all, and just... with him leaving, i don't know. that and other... stuff." her thoughts were going haywire, and she had to drink what was left in her glass, stopping one of the servers for another one. "but i'm fine, really."