## it's hard to breathe .

(한노을) — noeul. legacy ent. trainee. twenty-one. full-time procrastinator. source of chaos.

[lgcjino]

“ah,” a ghost of a curse is at the tip of his tongue, bitten away as he rubs sunscreen carefully across his nose and around his eyes. “well, it can’t get worse, right?” he laughs, knowing in the back of his mind that his mom would definitely tell him that it can and probably will get worse the longer they’re out in the sun. jino sucks in his teeth, “okay, let’s not jinx that.”

his ears immediately perk up at the proposition of a gamble — now, jino wouldn’t call himself a gambler but there was truly a fun time when it came to betting between friends. “okay but how are we going to measure that … should we keep a tally of who falls in more? what if a toe dips in a bit? or a pinky? and does it count when we’re like … slowly sinking when the boat comes to a stop?” he laughs, “or, or — maybe how long we can stay upright?”

[lgcxnoeul]

"It could always get worse..." He states matter-of-factly with a deadpan expression, which he doesn't hold as he proceeds to laugh boisterously. Simply by hanging out with Jino, his spirits were lightening up and he was beginning to feel like himself. He would extend the sentiment to the Sun too. He couldn't recall enjoying himself this much outside, but he would have to wait until the end of the session to see if he felt the same way then. "Let's not."

He stares at his friend as he is spiraling with ideas on their bet. "I like the idea of actual falls better." He suggests, unable to keep a straight face any longer. He shakes his head, turning to the instructor to see what equipment would need to be carried out to the boat. He calls out to his friend with a wave, hovering above their important supply of hydration. "Help me out with this cooler, Jino."

[lgcjino]

“ah, good question.” jino muses, instantly tugging at his backpack to rummage through its contents despite knowing that he had not packed sunscreen when he had tossed his necessities into the bag that morning. "and i've got nothing," their savior comes at the hands of their instructor for whom jino’s mom would forever be grateful for because jino would never remember to put sunscreen on — twenty-three years later and jino decided it was too late to change this fact. 

“toss it here,” he raises his hands for the catch, already ignoring the nagging that he knows his mom will be berating him for once he sends the pictures of their lesson through text later that day. “just a little — last ditch effort to save me from that sunglasses tan.” he laughs, shoving the glasses that were currently perched on his nose to sit at his crown. a shadow of a tan can already be seen.

[lgcxnoeul]

"It might be too late for that..." He delivers the news with a comical expression on his half, and a smile repressed from finding the situation comical albeit worrisome. However, the instructor saved them from coming out looking like lobsters, and that was a small victory for the two of them. He tosses the small tube of sunscreen towards his friend, shifting his attention to the pictures of previous instruction sessions. Some people look worse for wear, but he was hoping that he would end up on the other side of the spectrum. "But at least it's not a goggles tan. Now those are hilarious!"

"Should we make a bet?" How shocking that he couldn't go a single moment from betting on something with Jino. It was a reoccurring activity between the two of them at this point. He finds it hilarious to make a bet when it comes to finding balance on water when he was standing across from a man that had spent his youth in New Zealand, but confidence was an infinite source within him when it came to sports. "Over, or under... Who will gulp water more by the end of the session?"

[lgcxnoeul]

heatwave

Instead of fueling his adventurous spirit, he should have planted himself in front of a fan with a cooler of icy treats. He had invited @lgcjino to take a wakeboarding beginner class on the hottest day of the month yet. He should have turned around the moment the wetsuit was handed to him, but that would mean the two of them wouldn't have shared the hilarious experience of struggling together while putting them on. He glances down with a grimace at the sunscreen mist in his right hand, contemplating whether he should spray it on his face. He recalls the irritation that lingered for hours when he did that the last time playing soccer, and yet, he still hadn't bought sunscreen lotion for his face.

"Do you have sunscreen for your face?" He asks as a last hail mary for his eyes. He figures he could cover his eyes and then spray his face, working in the sunscreen into his skin to avoid irritating his eyes. "I'll be prepared better next time..." He mumbles, knowing that was another lie, or wishful thinking. He would mature eventually in that regard. He rejoices when the instructor tosses him a small tube of sunscreen lotion. "I owe you one!"

[lgcxjasper]

its something that surprises him -- that makes his ears tint with the faintest shade of pink and he tries to hide the smile that wants to form on already upturned lips. acting had been something he's been wanting to get into, but of course, he had other things to attend to. now that things were... 'calmer' in a way, he was hoping he could expand in that avenue, and he was glad it didn't seem outlandish.

he nods in agreement, shrugging. "i hope so, but i'm enjoying performing to. i'm figuring... when the time comes, it comes, eh?" he says, his heart light. but then noeul continues and makes him laugh a bit. "aish... i'm not that charming." he starts, but his chewing on his lip. "the industry is small, though. i'm hoping it'll open a few doors. what about you though? what do you want to do? what's the... end goal, i should say."

[lgcxnoeul]

"Hey, don't say that out-loud, or you'll start believing it. If I say you're charming, I genuinely think that you are." He states firmly, maintaining eye-contact with the man far longer than he should and forcing his eyes to round out into a comical expression. He blinks, facing ahead to admire the people laid out on blankets on the grass. "But I suppose being humble about it gives you another notch." His tone shifts to a teasing kind, smile forming naturally when he spots a toddler chasing a bird.

"Actually, now that you mention an end goal..." He tilts his head, returning his attention to the man beside him. "I do realize that I have matured a bit, or maybe I've been humbled by life." He snorts at the realization, crossing his arms over his chest. "I think what I am looking for is stability, which again... Who have I become? I want to eventually get to a place where the music speaks for itself, and I have been thinking of getting an MBA too."

[lgcxjasper]

he should have been surprised by their pick, but when he truly thought about it, it seemed right on brand for the company they were under-- always pushing, evolving, wanting to stretch muscles that could probably use it. jasper wasn't the best dancer in the group, which was exactly why he had gotten bounce. the performance part wasn't the hard part of it, nor was the singing. but the rapping, dancing, and putting it all together? that had taken some practice, and by some, he means hours of staring at himself in the mirror, making sure angles were right. so its safe to say that a break was more than warranted.

"aish, don't feel guilty." he offers with a shrug, and his smile is light, playful. he means it too. he was enjoying watching noeul and this side of him. it seemed like it was a growth opportunity for them all, even hyuk. he yawns a bit, moving to playfully nudge at him as he sees a particular flower and moves to snap a few photos. the confession has him perking up. "oh? well you know i won't complain about that. i... think i want to get into a bit of acting, actually, so i'd like to be on film."

[lgcxnoeul]

"I could actually see you acting..." He voices out loud, eyebrow quirking with curiosity at what roles would be a good match for Jasper. Although, the point of acting was to take up roles that weren't typecast, and he knew that the man beside him would absolutely enjoy the challenge regardless. He had his own experience in acting in short series, and even had a cameo role once, but he was looking for more roles behind the scenes at the moment. "I hope that you do get the chance to go after a role, or if you voice it often enough, someone is bound to offer you a role too?"

"I think your innate charm is definitely something you should lean on." He states with a smile, gently patting the man on the back. "The industry seems quite vast, but what I've learn is that it's honestly a small pond and everyone is bound to be intertwined. You might meet a comedian at a variety show who knows a film director. If you make an impression on them, you never know what might happen. That isn't to say that you can't do it with your own merit, because of course, you can do about anything."

[lgcxnoeul]

much ado

Frankly, Noeul would have preferred for a group comeback over a solo song, especially after the line up changes MZSD had gone through since their debut. He had been completely caught off guard when the company informed them of the new approach to promote the group. However, he didn't want to ruffle any feathers by questioning the decision, knowing that the collateral damage would not be worth it in the grand scheme of things. He knew at the end of the day the company had their best interest at heart, and USGEN wasn't following the traditional blueprint. He should have been grateful to even have the opportunity to promote a solo song this early in their career.

Still, Noeul didn't feel like he was in the right position to see through a project like that with a such a short notice. It took him awhile to approach the producers after ruminating through several ideas, but the ideas never fully satisfied him. He would have hoped to be able to showcase a different side of him rather than playing it safe. He could foresee the pushback, and his heart wasn't in it to fight back. He figured the safe route would be more feasible for the time being. He was willing to compromise and play along for the sake of maintaining the peace.

After humbling himself, he decided to run through the ideas with the producers. Shockingly, the safest route produced a song that wasn't safe by any means. He didn't expect the song to be marketable in typical idol fashion. It was true to himself, and as raw from pen to recording that he could have hoped for from the beginning. At the end of the day, being able to show his obsession appreciation for music was all that mattered to him. He had embraced the opportunity despite his initial apprehension, and walked away with a dream collaboration with a singer-songwriter that he looked up to for more than a decade.

[lgcxjasper]

he thinks the only time he's gotten to really enjoy the sun, really absorb the necessary vitamin d was the first thing in the morning, taking a deep breath before the other members wake and they were back to doing normal schedules. other than that, with all the promoting they were doing, the only other time he got to really enjoy it was when he was going from building to the van-- though he's not sure that with all the cameras and screams it really counted. the rare breath they had in between all the busy things they were up to had him going outside with noeul. he was going to take advantage of the fact spring had actually come.

he had bought his camera, wiping the dust of it, and it hangs around his neck as they explore. it was a rare time to just quite literally smell the flowers, and jasper nods. "ah, we should. though i feel like my legs are already jello from promoting." he admits with a laugh, tilting the back of his head. "mm we can make it a little photoshoot. i didn't know you had a camera. you do photography?"

[lgcxnoeul]

He softly laughs at Jasper's confession, but the amusement was directly mostly towards himself. He had completely underestimated his members' exhaustion, but the young man especially had managed to mask it so gracefully. It made him realize that he should act in a more supportive role and be more present for their promotions. He could still turn things around, and be present with Jasper.

"I feel guilty that I can't relate to your level of exhaustion, but thank you for being honest." He states while the corner of his lips tug upwards to flash a smile in Jasper's direction. He had lucked out with his song having no choreography, which was ironic for his skill-set, but he was appreciative for the opportunity to work with an established artist that he looked up to. He briefly pats the man's shoulder, reaching down with the other hand to lift the camera. "For some reason, I like to film more than actually shoot photography..." It was probably one of the reasons that he tended to remain on shoots, observing the director and production staff. "If I coerce you into shooting a lyric video one day, don't be shocked..."

[lgcjiho]

he's never quite sure how to react to some of the younger idols in the company. or well, technically not in the company, but in a sister company of sorts. in general, he's never sure what to say or how to act around younger idols in general because in his mind, he's still a rookie idol. it's weird to think that he isn't.

at least noeul doesn't seem to be one that actively looked up to him as a role model or something, though it's possible that he's just bad at reading people. he remembers when he had first debuted, and had been greeting the senior legacy artists and had felt awkward. perhaps this was one of those cases, considering that they didn't really know each other aside from passing in different past projects.

it's not that jiho is going out of his way to befriend any one person or anything, but he doesn't think it's a bad idea to talk to some of his hoobaes more.

"is it?" jiho teases in response, feeling his idol persona bloom in front of the cameras and other staff and people in general. he looks a little amused, opening his own water bottle to take a sip. "glad you think so," he adds, so it doesn't seem like he's selling himself short. he's aware of his reputation, at least. "i probably don't have anything to say that you haven't heard before."

[lgcxnoeul]

"You're probably right, hm?" He nods his head respectfully at the man's response, holding himself back from being upfront about his stubborn ideology. His own reputation could remain hidden in front of the senior artist. He twists the cap, downing half of the liquid content in one go. Truly nothing was better than cold water after rounds of run throughs of a choreography. He refrains from touching his hair, wanting to avoid the styling chair for the remainder of the shoot. "I am curious about something..."

"I might be overstepping though, and you don't have to answer." He lifts his head to glance up at the man, attempting to make eye contact. "How do genuinely juggle different projects?" It wasn't a secret that the man was preparing for a comeback, and here, he was standing next to him like time could be bent and no indication of exhaustion on his face. Despite wanting to say he could understand the level of sacrifice needed to be in his position, the man's experience as leader of his group and solo artist was a unique experience in the company.

Frankly, he wasn't envious, but he was impressed by the man's tenacious attitude and ability to be calm, cool, and collected. "Would you prefer to be able to solely focus on one project at a time, or do you always put the group first?"

[lgcxnoeul]

in bloom

Spring had sprung without warning for him. He couldn't wrap his mind that a season was ending, and a new one was beginning. For once, he didn't want to stop time, or fast forward to an end. He wanted to enjoy the calm moments during their promotions, which unsurprisingly was incredibly rare for him and the members. After their manager informed them that there was a lull in their schedule, @lgcxjasper and him had agreed to find the closest park and enjoy the cherry blossom trees during the peak of its blooming period.

"I'm tempted to rent out bikes..." He confesses with a soft laugh when a couple flies by the pair in a tandem bike. "Just not that one. I feel like I lack the coordination for that bike." He could see the activity to be either a bonding experience, or a travesty. It was better the two of them didn't tempt fate and end up in an emergency room. "I brought my camera, but we should take some pictures with our phone too, right?"

[lgcjiho]

— cinnamon shake

a love month starter for @lgcxnoeul

a surprise song for love month isn't something that he had expected, if he was super honest with himself. it fell in the middle of his practice for his solo comeback, but jiho was never one to say no to gifts for the fans. and he's well aware that the fans of all the legacy groups would be overjoyed to see all of them interacting again. especially v&a and mzsd, he's sure.

he hasn't even really met most of the new idols, if he's honest, and jiho makes a mental note to maybe try to get to know all of them eventually. but at least, he's introduced himself to all of them during the practice for the performance video.

"you did really good," he comments, once he's noticed noeul standing near him during the 5 minute break they were given before needing to 'take it from the top' again, and he reaches over to hand the younger a water bottle.

[lgcxnoeul]

While Noeul had been pleasantly surprised by the special project, he was more appreciative that the MZSD members had been invited to join and that their schedule had even allowed them to do it in the first place. His group was preparing for an unconventional comeback, and this brief project felt like the first time in a long time that he could enjoy himself from start to finish. He couldn't recall the last time he had properly felt free of the self-imposed pressure, and bound by his responsibility over the group's success.

Maybe, he was finally getting his head above water. It was interesting to see the evolution of some of senior artists, especially Jiho. He had worked with him several times, but had never once approached him to get to know him beyond coworkers. In fact, he didn't find Jiho intimidating, or unapproachable. He had always felt outside of the group due to his uncertainty as a non-debuted artist. He stared at the man first, lips parting to speak, but words refuse to escape them. He glances at the water bottle in Jiho's hand, accepting the offering respectfully with both of his hands.

"It's a high praise coming for you, hm?" He utters, inwardly cringing at the respectful tone of his voice. He wanted to be more casual, but what was casual in front of Lee Jiho. "Thank you! Do you have any pointers?"

[lgcxjasper]

his mouth opens, and then closes, a breath of laughter leaving him as he nods in a bit of resignations. he knew that wasn't quite fair of him to judge. to him, the guys had worked so hard-- but he had been counting himself out. always the perfectionist he was, there always seemed to be something he had to be worked towards, to improve. he couldn't just be-- and maybe that was the problem.

he runs a hand through his hair, looking over. "you think you'll spiral do you?" he offers, but there's a light teasing there. "i might be right behind you, then." he murmurs only half joking, but he nods in agreement. and that was true-- he didn't have to enlist, but before the words can leave him, noeul seems to finish his thoughts. "... well. yeah. it means i've still got do something. enlistment almost seems like a bit of a break, doesnt it? from being... well ya know. the idol-- you can take off the role for a bit."

he shrugs then, a heavy sigh leaving him. this felt nice-- he had always bottled up his own thoughts that releasing them felt a bit cathartic-- and he realized he wasn't alone. not like he had originally thought, anyway. he nudges him bit light-hearted still, despite the conversation taking a bit of a deeper turn. "do you think our sunbaenims felt the same way?"

[lgcxnoeul]

"My sister had one of those spinning dolls that shoot up in the air, and that is exactly how I am picturing the both of us. One after the other, but if one of us bumps into the other, wouldn't the spiraling have to stop?" At this rate, the man seated across from him was used to his ramblings. Perhaps, it was a sign that he was finally getting comfortable in this retreat. Such a shame that it happened towards the end, but he would definitely pin this conversation as one of the highlights of their stay there. "I know what you're saying about it being a break. I might feel different when the time comes, and it will be what I need when I'm at that point in my life."

"At the moment, it just seems like a dooming deadline over my head." Yet, he did appear to be more calm about the topic than in his previous years when he was a trainee. He had been exploring it at nauseam with his therapist. "I've actually never thought to ask any of them about their time in the military." He was impressed by Jasper's ability to bring further insight to a complicated topic and appreciated that he did take his worries seriously enough. "Now that you mention it, I would like to know how they felt about it before enlisting and afterwards. It seems like a total reset for them with the new company, and how all of them are in charge of themselves..."

[lgcxjasper]

he finds himself shrugging. "i know nutcases, i highly doubt you qualify mate." he offers truthfully. his family had plenty of them for sure, but he watches carefully instead, and then he offers a listening ear. he nodded because he could agree when it came to the finish line thing. "i feel like we're already trying to reach for something before we've accomplished the first thing we're going for. there is always something. we can't... rest." he finds himself frowning a bit, realizing he's never said it out loud before and hums, moving to finish off his bottle.

"debut seemed so grand. it is, but now it's like, well- its time for awards. breaking records." he offers shaking his head. now that say it, it sounds silly. debuting was great but it didn't seem like he could enjoy it. but at noeul's words he tilts his head, humming. "running out of time where? what's there to do? debuting is great, right. it's what... you've worked hard for."

the question makes him shrug, and he plays with the skin on his hands for a moment. the gym had them callused a bit. he shakes his head. "nope, i don't think so. i just gotta get out of my bloody head and maybe just sit with the fact i've got to let things be."

[lgcxnoeul]

"So, you're saying I haven't gotten there, yet?" He questions with a tilt of his head, amused expression lingering on his lips. It was comforting that the man wouldn't fully judge him for his unfiltered thoughts. He always felt uncomfortable relieving his own thoughts, knowing that it could be burdensome for the other person. It was even harder for him to disclose them to family, or close friends. "There is still room for me to spiral into absolute madness." He comments, crossing his arms over his chest. Ugh, why was he so uncomfortable? "I don't even think I'll be able to rest when we get an actual break."

"It seems like you feel the same way as me." He softly hums, realizing for the first time in a long time that he wasn't alone. "I'm envious that you don't have the enlistment clock over your head, but in a way, I can see that being as equally... troublesome?" He comments out-loud, letting in the man further into the spiderweb of doom his mind had created. If he had all the time in the world, he would probably spiral even more thinking about all he wanted to accomplish. "I know that it's unfair to have so many expectations for our group, but I believe in us, not only as group, individually too."

"I don't know how to let things be." He lightly touches his cheeks, pinching the skin to prove his point. "I might need you to shake me, or pinch me a bit."

[lgcxnoeul]

pop-p-in'

Surprisingly, he had looked forward to visiting the pop-up store, especially after seeing all the planning that went behind the yearly Season's Greetings for the group and merchandise that branched off from the singular concept. He had taken the chance to ask questions to the USGEN's staff, genuinely finding deeper appreciation of the extensive process. He hadn't worn anything particularly flashy, taking into consideration the weather, which was unforgiven as it was frosty. His outfit consisted of dark-washed jeans, a thrifted the leather jacket with patchwork lining, and a fitted white t-shirt to show off that he was finally working out.

He had decided to shorten the length of his hair the day before to make it neater in appearance, and lessen his annoyance when it fell over his hair. He had joked that he was looking forward to shaving his hair when the time came, but he wanted to try different hairstyles before that time came, yet he had went for a classic cut that it seemed like such a waste. It felt weird to be able to joke about something that had given him crippling anxiety before, but perhaps, he had found better control after all these years of therapy.

He finds himself lingering around MZSD's section, offering a perplexed smile when he hears a male fan screech out his name. He teases the young fan by asking if his throat would be okay, and apologized for not carrying any lozenges to offer him. He requests to know his name, accepting the letter the man had prepared ahead of time for him. He had often said that he preferred encouraging words over expensive gifts, wishing his fans would treat themselves or their parents. It touched him to see his name written to so neatly by the teenager. He thanks him for the letter and promises to read it. He vows to find him before he has to leave, gifting him the stationery item from the merchandise.

[lgcxnoeul]

only the beginning

He could acknowledge their debut year had been successful, but regardless, it felt surreal for MZSD to receive so much love and support by the fans, and industry alike. He didn't know what the upcoming year had in store for MZSD, but he was praying the bout of instability would subside. It had been disheartening to continue his dreams without the members that had been there since the beginning of the project. He didn't find it difficult to respect their wishes, and continue supporting them on whatever path the former members had chosen. He had just hoped that he could have changed their mind.

He knew thinking about all the what ifs was truly pointless in the grand scheme of life. His energy was better used in diving head first into his group's upcoming activities and helping their new member have a seamless transition from trainee to a debuted member of a rookie group. It felt silly for the final event of the previous year to be held in the second week of the month of the new year. Still, something about the event felt like a new beginning, which ironically suited the theme of the final song of their performance. He stood backstage, fussing with his in-ears until he felt like the in-ears wouldn't budge mid-performance.

He strolls out of the room, lingering near the hallway to observe the current performance on stage from the limited view of their dressing room. He knew after two more award presentations that MZSD and their dancers were expected to be in their positions, but the room felt too suffocating for him to remain inside worrying about anything other than the performance. When he reunited with the members, he emphasized enjoying their performance as if it were their last and ending the stage with no regrets. Perhaps, the human heart was more complicated than he had given his own credit. Swallowing the betrayal, the disappointment, the heart-ache was much easier said than done. Converting into fuel to imbue his passionate demeanor was his way of reclaiming his future.

[lgcxjasper]

if there was a person that truly understood where he was coming from, he knew it'd be noeul. he was sure the guy had been at legacy far longer than he had, and he had the experience, and more importantly the talent to back it up. it was nice not having to practice in order to get to know him more, and plus... having a bit of liquor in his sytem certainly helped things in the same vein. so he offers a big grin, his eyes dancing as he takes a sip of his beer with a nod. "why is that? you didn't want a break?" he questions, now curious about it.

"yeah, i feel like we've all work and no play for a while now." jasper hums a bit, running a hand through his hair. the truth was that home didn't feel like home, not for a while. he liked being away. "i don't like it either. the therapist... said i should try to quiet my mind a bit more though. apparently, she can see the tenseness in my shoulders from across the room. i hope the fans don't."

[lgcxnoeul]

"I don't want to sound like a nutcase." He lightly scratches his cheek, stopping immediately when he realizes that he shouldn't be touching his face. He holds onto the neck of the beer bottle instead, playing with the label wrapped around the base. "I've always been the type to focus on the metaphorical finish line, but it was difficult for me to come to terms that there was no finish line in this industry, at least not what I had in mind." He had these conversations before with his other friends, but it felt nice to speak openly to a member of his own group. He had come to realize that it was far more difficult to be openly vulnerable the older he became.

"As a trainee, I always thought the finish line would be debuting, and now after our debut, I always ask myself what is next, what challenge is around the corner, what more can I be doing?" He purses his lips, lifting the bottle of to take a swig, grimacing the at lukewarm taste. Beer was definitely better when it was teeth-shattering cold. "I hate being stagnant, Jas, like I'm running out of time, but that's probably my anxiety talking." God, that felt weird to say outloud, to divulge personal information in a way that felt burdensome. "Do you think that's true? What she said about you... Is there something that we can do to help? Sometimes, I feel like our mind plays tricks on us more than what's reality."

[lgcxnoeul]

visionary vision

It wasn't shocking that the man had a difficult time connecting with the meditation or therapy sessions that had been added to the group's three day schedule. He had spent countless hours this year alone meeting a therapist of his own, but the fact that it was mandated for their healing camp had him rejecting the notion that it would be helpful. He found the therapist to be professional, but genuine in the way the man engaged with conversation. However, he had nothing else to talk about other than the depressing lack of greenery around them. It was a shame that their break time hadn't been during the Springtime where all the trees were lush with leaves and flowers.

Still, he enjoyed Winter from a different perspective. It was poetic how to start anew, the world healed by growing quiet and dormant during Winter, then revived itself in spring with a deeper appreciation after a season of self-reflection. In a way, humans weren't any different than the nature that surrounded them. After a whirlwind of a year, he knew how important slowing down was for their morale and hope for the future of the group.

He spent the two hours of the painting session staring out the window in awe of the stillness. Somewhere out there, animals were in survival mode in the same way he was. He felt that in his position he was more at a disadvantage when he found himself ill-prepared for the Winter ahead. He wanted to rally behind his group, and keep his promise of being the pillar no matter the challenges that life itself threw at them. Besides, he felt like there would be a lot to celebrate in the future whether it was a small win, or a big win. All their accomplishments were worth taking pride in.

[lgcxjasper]

5' o clock somewhere

w/ @lgcxnoeul

he needed this, honestly. and, really, he supposed this was in a way, healing too. just because they were at a whole different retreatment camp didn't mean they couldn't try to recover in their own way. and having soju, unlimited k bbq, and good conversation had never felt so healing in its own way. they had been working, and he had been desperate to improve, that it almost felt weird to actually slow down. he just hoped he didn't become too stagnant.

he wasn't complaining though. he was already on his second bottle of beer, and his neck was starting to turn red, but he had realized it truly had been a while. this time, though, he wasn't alone. noeul had decided to join him, and really he wanted the company. they could have made it a group thing, but with the others busy, it was just the two of them--jasper was more than fine with that.

he had designated himself the cook, and as he's flipping the meat over, he offers a look. "i didn't realize how much we had been going until they wanted us to stop for a bit." he admitted.

[lgcxnoeul]

"Story of my life..." He utters back with an amused smile, recalling several conversations he had with his own therapist and friends about him spiraling when there was downtime in his schedule. "I would prefer to busy myself with something else, but there is no other choice than to enjoy the break." After all, the members had been whisked away from civilization. He should be capable of spending three days away from the studio, or the practice room. It felt cruel in a way for him to go through withdrawal symptoms in the name of relaxation. "It's a great opportunity to become closer too, right?" "Since we tend to disperse when we have a break to go back home, or see other friends when we can.." He was sympathetic with Jasper's situation, considering the man had a more difficult time to see his loved ones. Luckily for him, his parents were a call or car ride away. He didn't know if the younger man felt lonelier, or if he felt content with the life he had created for himself so far. "That said, I don't think meditation is for me, or I'm doing it completely wrong. I can never disengage mentally, and clear my head."