Liam Hart

Liam Hart || 20 || Scout Soldiers can sometimes make decisions that are smarter than the orders they've been given.

[liam-hart]

Who Tells Your Story || Hart Bros

[sergeantjhart]

Jesse was rash and spontaneous; He didn’t often think too far ahead. Once he was free to make his own decisions he was off doing his own thing - left for the Marines straight out of high school, he made stupid choices and risked his life, he lost his leg but wouldn’t let that stop him…even in the apocalypse he made plenty of stupid decisions. He came up with the idea of running after the crash that killed their parents. He was the one who pushed Liam out of the way of the avalanche and separated them. Again and again he made decisions without really thinking of the consequences…without thinking about Liam or how he felt in any of this. 

“No…” Jesse murmured, eyes on the younger boy for a minute, “No, you did…” Even if Liam hadn’t finished his statement Jesse knew what he had been intending to say: he didn’t mean it. Sure he did. Clearly he’d been bottling it up for a while now. Jesse had never seen it before, had never even spent a minute thinking about it…Liam had always been good, always been capable of taking care of himself, of being responsible, of knowing how to handle tricky situations. He had always been at his side when he needed him - but the same wasn’t true vice versa. Even if Liam wanted to think Jesse was the better person between them, he sure as hell wasn’t the better brother. 

His head shook the slightest bit as if to disagree with what Liam was saying, but he couldn’t bring words to his lips to voice. He didn’t believe he was the better person and he sure as hell was just proven he wasn’t the better brother. So what, exactly, was he? 

He cleared his throat after a minute of silence, shifting awkwardly on his feet as he tried to think of something, anything really, to say. But no, Liam had pretty clearly spelled it all out and he hadn’t made it seem very likely that he wanted his brother’s company right about now. He studied the torn up pieces of pages ripped from Liam’s notebook a moment longer. He still hadn’t figured out why exactly Liam had been ripping those pages to shreds, but he didn’t think the answer was going to help him feel any better about all this.

Nothing was okay - and clearly he couldn’t make it any better. He’d done a shit job so far, why would it be any different now? “Sure, then…I’ll just leave you to whatever it was you were doing. Guess you got it covered.”

[liam-hart]

Liam couldn’t look at Jesse when the older boy spoke, disagreeing with the false words he hadn’t even been able to bring himself to say. Jesse was right; he did mean them. But he hadn’t meant to say them. He hadn’t meant to be so harsh with the one person in the world he still cared about. The one person in the world he believed actually cared about him. 

What right did Liam have to be angry, anyways? His anger was selfish. Jesse had put himself at risk to help save someone else. So what right did Liam have to claim he was more important? He wasn’t. If anything, a lot of the people at this camp were probably better than him. Not all -- Liam knew better than to believe that, knew better than to trust most of their intentions. But there were some, surely. People like Evan. People like Jesse, who would always put the needs of the group before their own. 

Knowing that did very little to ease the anger Liam felt, though it helped him direct a lot of it inwardly. As if he didn’t already have enough reasons to hate himself. Reasons that sat comfortably in his lap, save for the one page of the notebook he’d already destroyed. It was tempting to destroy the whole thing, but something had made Liam hold onto the book for so long. Made him write everything down, even when he hated what he’d done. Maybe he wanted someone to find it and read it. Maybe he wanted someone to know he wasn’t just some scared, innocent kid. He didn’t deserve the trust or the kindness so many people here had given him. 

It was surprise that had his eyes flickering back up to his brother when Jesse spoke. So...that was it? Jesse was just going to leave? Liam had been ready for something more of a fight. Maybe not a fight, per se, but at the very least he’d have expected Jesse to go back to poking and prodding him as to why there was a piece of his notebook -- a piece of himself -- shredded into pieces on the floor. And rather than being relieved that wasn’t happening, Liam just felt empty. Like something had been broken. Lost. If even Jesse didn’t want to be around him...who would?

He held his brother’s gaze for a moment. Desperate to say something, anything -- but no words came to mind. He felt like he was making things worse every time he opened his mouth. So he just nodded, eyes dropping back down to his notebook. “....Okay.”

[liam-hart]

Who Tells Your Story || Hart Bros

[sergeantjhart]

Maybe Jesse was being overly protective of his little brother, and maybe that wasn’t exactly fair of him. If anything had been proved over the past three years it was that Liam was fully capable of taking care of himself. But he was who Liam was stuck with, he was the man of the house now, and he was responsible for his little brother - and he knew he hadn’t done a great job of  it thus far. He hadn’t been there when Liam needed him even before the world went to shit, he’d let the boy disappear in the avalanche and hadn’t found him after. Even now, as Liam pointed out angrily, he hadn’t been there for him in the mess of the ship, he’d almost gotten killed to leave the boy alone yet again.

He had failed Liam again and again, hadn’t he? Not to mention his self-sacrificing attitude. He hadn’t seen anything wrong in it up until Liam spoke on it. In the grand scheme of things majority of these people didn’t really matter. Not like Liam did. Maybe he shouldn’t be throwing himself into dangerous situations when there were other people here that relied on him. But that simply wasn’t who he was. He couldn’t see someone in need and not help, even if it meant putting himself in serious danger as a result. He had always accepted that, but he hadn’t really considered the affects it might have on those who cared for him. 

A part of him wanted to argue back just for the sake of argument, but he couldn’t think of anything to say. Truthfully, the words had deflated him. Mom and dad were dead and Jesse had done an awful job of taking over - that was the gist of it.

“Not exactly…”

[liam-hart]

It hadn’t been Liam’s intention when he spoke to accuse Jesse of anything. He was angry -- he was angry about a lot of things -- but he’d never planned on voicing that anger to his brother. Jesse had saved someone’s life; what would he think if he knew Liam was mad at him for that? And that was only the tip of the iceberg, really, when it came to how much worse of a person Liam was. A fact he was reminded of as Jesse deflated right before his eyes. Liam had wanted to distract Jesse, not completely deflate him. Not add to the weight the older boy carried around on his shoulders; the weight of the world, because he didn’t think Liam could bear it. Maybe he was right.

It seemed Liam had successfully stopped the interrogation he didn’t want any part of, but now he felt even worse. Now he had further evidence that he could do nothing more than leave pain and destruction behind everywhere he went. The anger seeped out of him, replaced by the heavy, uncomfortable guilt he’d been carrying with him for months. He looked down at his notebook, at the edge of the page he’d ripped out that looked like a wound now, and swallowed hard past the lump that settled in his throat. 

“Sorry...” He murmured, unable to look back up at his brother. “I didn’t...” Liam trailed off. He did mean what he’d said, even if he hadn’t meant to say it. “You’ve just always been a better person than me.”

[liam-hart]

Who Tells Your Story || Hart Bros

[sergeantjhart]

Liam effectively brushed him right off, even as eyes scoured the mess around him at the shredded remains of pages with something akin to loss. Liam knew that that book had practically become an extension of Liam over the past three years and ripping out a page was practically like slicing into one’s own skin. 

It’s nothing. Jesse waved his hand before him, gesturing to the shreds even as Liam brushed them away as if they were nothing. Clearly he was feeling more affected by this than the younger boy, if only because he was downright confused by it. “That’s not…that’s not nothing,” he stated bluntly, his brow furrowing. Maybe for anyone else ripping pages out of a notebook would be nothing, but for Liam - no. No, this wasn’t nothing. It was very much something. 

When an ‘I’m fine’ was thrown at him with a tone of challenge Jesse glowered. At least when he used the phrase there was a small chance it could be true. Here that was not even a faint possibility. At least when he was challenged on it he would tend to admit to the truth. Though admittedly, it was clear Liam had learned the trait from him - and maybe that wasn’t a good thing. 

“No, you’re not. You haven’t been. Tell me what’s going on with you.” 

[liam-hart]

Jesse’s words caught Liam by surprise, if only because he sounded more upset at the shredded up bits of paper than Liam did. That was only because he didn’t know what was written on them. If he did, he would probably want to rip the whole thing up himself. Maybe that was what Liam should do, but he wasn’t sure he had it in him to rip out so much of himself -- not even the parts he didn’t want anyone else to see. Those were the parts of him that had kept him alive, and the absence of that same cowardly self-preservation in Jesse was the reason he had almost died. 

He looked up from the book and matched Jesse’s glare with one of his own, anger flaring up at the accusation and the order his brother shot back at him. Jesse didn’t want to know what was going on; that would only disappoint him, only make him realize he’d made a mistake nearly sacrificing his life to save Liam when they were caught in that avalanche last year. 

“Okay,” he started, his voice terse and colored with sarcasm because he knew Jesse wouldn’t take another ‘nothing’ as much as Liam wanted him to just let him be. “Let’s see, uh...the world has been a frozen wasteland for the last three fucking years, mom and dad are both dead, and then you almost get yourself killed right after I realize you’ve actually been alive for the past year and I left you in a fucking avalanche, and all for a group of morons that’s just going to fall apart in a couple months, max. That’s what’s been going on.”

It wasn’t. Although a bit more truth had slipped in there than Liam intended, the real chip on his shoulder was not one he was going to share. Not even with Jesse.

“Happy?”

[liam-hart]

Who Tells Your Story || Hart Bros

[sergeantjhart]

There was something different about Liam. Originally Jesse had just assumed it was something associated with the fact that the boy had been out there on his own, fighting the elements and surviving. That could certainly have negative affects on a young man’s thoughts. But now it had been weeks since Liam had returned and the brothers were reunited again and a shadow still hung over Liam’s head; and if anything it had only grown darker and angrier in the passing days. 

Though it was hardly fair for him to judge; surely there were things different about him, too. Survival meant doing things one normally wouldn’t do; both in the Big Freeze and on the front lines. Truthfully the two blurred together into one in Jesse’s mind. It was almost as if he’d never even left the war. 

It was around this time of day that Jesse was reminded of how useless he really was in his current condition. The main cabin was filled with some activity when he’d gone to grab something small for lunch but when he’d started heading back towards his cabin there was no one to be seen. Everyone was out doing what they were supposed to be doing - standing guard, lookout, scouts…even the cooks had something to keep them busy now. And him? He was just tramping through the snow to find somewhere warm in the cabin again, essentially worthless. 

Just a couple more weeks. 

Needless to say he wasn’t expecting (but was happily surprised) to find Liam curled up on his bunk, but right as he’d entered the room the younger of the two started viciously ripping a page from his notebook and turning it into tiny shreds of confetti. Knowing Liam it was a rather uncharacteristic action. “Hey, hey, hey kiddo! What the hell are you doing?” As far as Jesse knew those words scribbled in those notebooks were Liam’s lifeline, his memories, things he didn’t even know about. He’d only seen the kid cherish that book, it was strange to see the opposite. “Liam, what’s wrong?”

[liam-hart]

A familiar blast of cold air met Liam as someone opened the door to the cabin, and he was momentarily relieved when he looked up to see it was Jesse. Until he remembered what he was doing, registering the surprise and concern that quickly settled over his brother’s face. His expression darkened once again, his eyes dropping to the shreds of paper that were scattered over the book in his lap and around where he was sitting. 

“I...” He was struck by a sudden, sharp pang of loss, as if he’d just ripped up a piece of himself, but maybe that was what he ought to do with the rest of the stupid book. Memories he didn’t want to keep carrying with him -- but ripping them out of the book wouldn’t cleanse them from his mind. Nothing would do that.

“It’s nothing,” he answered sharply, brushing away the ripped pieces of paper and then slamming his notebook closed. These were things Jesse didn’t need to know about. Things Liam wasn’t sure he could tell Jesse about. He knew he didn’t want it. “I’m fine,” he tacked on, something of a challenge in the words his brother was guilty of using so often even when they weren’t true. If Jesse was allowed to pretend things were fine when they weren’t, he really ought to extend that same courtesy to Liam. 

[sighpeter-blog]

Lauren nodded. “Thanks, I suppose.” She fidgeted about for a moment, undecided whether she should go back inside or continue her path to the lake. She felt like she should talk more to Liam, though. There was something troubling him, she could tell that much. It was visible in the crease between his eyebrows and his conflicted eyes. She decided at last, and asked, “I was just, hum, going to the lake. Want to join me?”

[liam-hart]

“Ah...yeah, sure.” Liam’s hand found the back of his neck. Before he had come to inherently distrust everyone around him, Liam’s default around people he didn’t know well tended to lean toward awkwardness more often than not, and suddenly he was feeling that in droves. It was time to go -- beyond time, really -- but before he could excuse himself she spoke up, her offer taking him by surprise. “Oh. Uh.” He hesitated, unsure why she even wanted him to stick around but also not sure how to get out of it without feeling like even more of a dick. What if she fell on her face again? Finally he nodded. “Yeah, uh, okay. Sure.” 

[liam-hart]

Who Tells Your Story || Hart Bros

For the first several months after losing Jesse, Liam had been scared. Lost and alone and afraid, so much so that he’d let himself believe he needed to do bad things in order to stay alive. Maybe that had been true. Maybe if he hadn’t lied and stolen and looked the other way when others were suffering he wouldn’t still be here. Maybe that would have been better.

Finally Liam had stopped being scared -- and then he was angry. And he’d stayed that way, even after he found Jesse again. Angry at the group he’d been with, angry at the world for turning against everyone in it, angry at Jesse for almost leaving him a second time, angry at the people in the camp for giving Jesse a reason to risk his life, and more than anything -- angry at himself. Guilt and shame and paranoia hung over him like a dark cloud, unshakeable even if he’d wanted to be rid of it. He wasn’t sure he did; maybe he deserved it.

So he’d kept mostly to himself, avoiding people as much as possible while he went about his business, resentful that he had to be here at all because Jesse had decided these people were important, that these people weren’t capable of the very same things Liam had seen when he was out there on  his own. It had been a welcome relief to find his cabin was actually empty when he entered it after a trip to gather firewood, Liam wasting no time in curling up on the corner of his bunk and pulling out his notebook. 

He reached for his pencil, but paused when he saw the book had fallen open to a page he hadn’t seen in a long time. Nearly a year ago, to be precise, when he’d been picked up by the group that eventually flipped the way he looked at the entire world. Before he realized what he’d been sucked into, and Liam wanted to be sick as he read over the hopeful, naive, stupid words scrawled across the pages. Without thinking about it he ripped the page out of the book -- but that wasn’t enough, and the next thing he knew he was ripping it to shreds. 

[sighpeter-blog]

Lauren frowned at Liam slightly. Wasn’t he expecting that? Probably not. But usually, when she argued with someone, she wanted them to agree with her. She nodded at him. “You are.” She met his eyes squarely. She waited for him to say something. What came out was a jumble of words. She wondered if maybe he’d been just angry at her and hadn’t considered the fact that she might be angry at herself, too. He probably hadn’t. It was understandable. Lauren was confident. No one would say she thought the things she did most of the time. “She shook her head. “I’ll be fine.” She paused for a while before saying her next words. “And so will your brother. I’m sorry about what happened to him.”

[liam-hart]

She was quick to agree with him, meeting his gaze squarely without contradicting anything he’d said, and Liam didn’t quite know what to make of it. He’d wanted so badly to be angry at her. And he still was, to a certain degree, but more than anything he was angry at the situation. Angry that they’d all been marched out to a giant metal deathtrap in the first place, angry that Jesse had gotten dragged into danger because that was what he did, he risked his own life for other people. And suddenly it dawned on Liam that maybe he was a little bit mad at Jesse. Because they’d just found each other, and then he’d almost left him completely on his own again for a group of strangers Liam didn’t even trust. They weren’t strangers to Jesse, though, and maybe that was where more of Liam’s ill feelings came in. He nodded hesitantly when Lauren assured him she was fine, unsure if he should insist on helping or not and unsure if he even wanted to. He paused upon hearing her apology, eying her for a minute before he nodded. “I...yeah. It’s, uh...it’s okay. I’m glad you’re okay.” 

[sergeantjhart]

Fresh Air || Jesse, Evan, & Liam

[sergeantjhart]

Jesse scowled as Liam skirted his shove for the most part, about to make a retort when Evan chimed in. His head spun around in her direction, a hand instinctively reaching up to tug at the hat on his head as they teased him. “You’re supposed to be on my side,” he fussed in a child-like manner, though a smile was playing in his expression. It was nice to just be able to laugh and tease and goof off for once. It had been such a long time since he felt so at ease, like maybe the world wasn’t slowly dying around them piece by piece.

A groan escaped him as Liam continued before tramping onward a few steps ahead of the pair dramatically. “Yeah, yeah, yeah. Whatever. Fuck both of you, too.” He pulled his coat a little tighter around him, blocking the cold a little more from touching exposed skin. He never thought he’d welcome the cold quite so much, but it felt good now when he’d been locked up in the cabins for however many days now.

@evan-sterling

[evan-sterling-blog]

Evan had never been one who cared much about being liked, even before she didn’t lose sleep over someone who didn’t particularly like her or view things her way. But there was just something about the way Liam grinned at her that made a small bubble of pride stir in the pit of her stomach. Approval wasn’t something she searched for – but having it wasn’t half bad, either. “I’m on both of your sides,” she stressed, motioning to each other them with her good hand. “You’re both equally ridiculous. You’ve just got a wonky head and he…” she trailed off and glanced to Liam, wondering if she knew him well enough to pull out something to make fun of. “… I dunno what he has but I’m sure it’s something funny too.”

She stifled a laugh at his audible grumpiness and watched as he trounced forward in dramatic fashion and for one startling moment Evan forgot that they were in the middle of a winter apocalypse. Forgot that two out of the three of them had almost died – and that if that had been the case one would have been left brotherless. It was a cruel world overall but there was still hope for lighthearted moments. “Oh, c’moonn,” Evan teased, the wind cutting across them. She felt the cold in her bones, across her forehead and face. It was chilly enough to dry the sweat beading across her brow in seconds. “That was funny, Jesse, admit it.”

@liam-hart

[liam-hart]

For the first time in a very long time, Liam’s thoughts were not consumed by darkness. The world was still a frozen wasteland, he was still a terrible person, Jesse could probably still fall over at any second -- but he was here with his brother. And maybe a new friend, though he wasn’t quite ready to start throwing that label around. But they were laughing and teasing, and the whiteness all around them didn’t seem so lonely as it had for the past year. “Both our sides?” He pulled a face, lifting an amused eyebrow in Evan’s direction as she fished for something to make fun of him for and came up short. “Hey! There’s nothing funny about me! I’m the normal one.” He feigned indignation, but the smile on his lips came easier than it had in a long time and he couldn’t have hid it if he wanted to. 

He didn’t even try to hold back his laugh when Jesse stomped ahead of them. It felt too good to have a reason to laugh at all, to be comfortable enough that he felt like he could without giving someone an excuse to tear him apart. “Ha!” He called out in triumph. “See, Evan thinks I’m funny. Told ya I have a great sense of humor.” Once again he skittered a couple steps backward lest Jesse try to retaliate, struck by how good it was to feel normal again, even if only for a few seconds. 

@sergeantjhart

[reginaholbrook-deactivated20160]

Regina always thought about the future (fretted about it more like) and she honestly couldn’t say what she expected would happen. Human beings were resilient creatures and she had faith that humanity would find a way to pull through, but at the same time her logical side couldn’t help but butt in and point out how slim their chances of survival were if the weather continued to get worse. She snorted at the alien comment. “I’m sure they’d appreciate your thoroughness.” It then occurred to her that she hadn’t even introduced herself, nor did she know his name either. “I’m Regina by the way.”

[liam-hart]

His comment achieved its desired effect, pulling the focus of the conversation away from any hopes or dreams of a future that most likely did not exist. He allowed his lips to curl upwards into a slight smirk. “Assuming they can even speak english.” As if aliens were their biggest problem, though really if the human population was close to dying out it didn’t seem like such a far cry that they were their best chance of ever being remembered. Liam didn’t buy into any conspiracy theories or stories of UFOs, but he didn’t think it was so crazy to believe there might be life somewhere else in the universe. “Liam,” he answered with a slight nod. “Uh...nice to meet you.”

[sighpeter-blog]

The intention was never to make Liam feel sorry for her. So Lauren was actually glad when he didn’t seem to. She was really getting tired of being the object of other people’s pity. But his tone did soften a little, and for a while, Lauren thought she would be able to not cry. Nevertheless, a tear slipped down her cheek, quick as a runaway. She wiped it away angrily. Letting other people see you cry was giving them the power to hurt you. She’d learned that from her parents.

She knew she was being petty for complaining about her broken leg. She could’ve died. She would’ve died if it weren’t for Jesse and Evan and Mason. Liam was right. She didn’t like it, but he was. She looked him straight in the eye then, refusing to be belittled by his stern voice. “You’re right,” she said coolly. “But I can’t help it. The thing you were just blaming me for, you should blame me. It’s only fair.” She shook her head. “But you’re right. No more complaining.”

[liam-hart]

Confusion flickered across his face, cutting through his coldness for a second when she so readily agreed he’d been right. “I am?” Liam blurted out in surprise before he could catch himself. Of course he knew he was right -- but he hadn’t expected her to actually listen to him. People so rarely listened to him. “I mean...yeah. Okay.” He tacked on quickly, a hand coming to rest awkwardly at the back of his neck as he eyed her warily, half-expecting some kind of a joke.

He didn’t get one. Instead she just offered up her agreement, accepted the guilt he’d been so eager to pin on her. It left him feeling off-balance. In the past year Liam had grown used to having to fight to be heard (and usually disregarded), and now he was left uncertain of where to go from here. “Uh...yeah. Good.” His hand dropped from his neck, both finding their way into his coat pockets as he shifted uncomfortably. “Do you, uh...do you need some help or anything?”

[reginaholbrook-deactivated20160]

Regina regarded him for a moment as she took in his response, simultaneously impressed and a little taken aback. She may have expected that from one of the older survivors, but it was something else to see such a young person concerned with preserving history. Maybe it was a source of comfort as well. Everyone had their own ways of coping with what was happening. “Well done.” She said, her praise genuine. “I can’t say that’s something I would have thought to do.” As a former professor maybe she should have. 

[liam-hart]

A tiny smirk tugged at one corner of Liam’s lips as the woman regarded him. He was half inclined to be a little insulted by her being impressed; Liam was young, but he wasn’t stupid. He’d survived just as long out there as everyone else who was alive, a year of that without the presence of his older brother. He knew how to handle himself, and he didn’t like when anyone thought otherwise. He shrugged off her praise. “Yeah, well. That’s why I’m doing it. I figure someone ought to. Ya know...just in case.” He left it there, lest he sound like some idealistic kid. For the most part, Liam didn’t think things were going to end well. But on the off chance they did -- wouldn’t it be awful not to have some written record of what happened? “Who knows, maybe some aliens will find it.”

[sergeantjhart]

Fresh Air || Jesse, Evan, & Liam

[sergeantjhart]

“What?!” Jesse exclaimed incredulously. “I’m fine. Seriously.” It was spoken jokingly; he was well aware he tended to cover up his own problems in lieu of others. ‘I’m fine’ was a commonly spoken phrase on his lips, he didn’t have room to talk, and maybe that’s why he understood where Evan was coming from. It had simply always been easier to spend them making sure everyone else was okay instead of worrying about himself. 

In comparison to what he could be, though, he was ‘fine.’ He was better than fine. He was alive. Which was probably among the many reasons why joking at his expense had never truly bothered him. He’d had some shit luck over the years, but he was still alive. He withstood the tests of time so far; bombs and avalanches and blasted ships alike. He had to appreciate what he had, he had to find humor in these kinds of things. The other options weren’t as pleasant. 

“Don’t worry about it,” Jesse emphasized as Evan apologized, nudging Liam to get him to agree. The response the younger boy made was not exactly what he was looking for. “Seriously?” He laughs even as he’s reaching for the front of Liam’s jacket to give him a good shove. 

@evan-sterling

[evan-sterling-blog]

Evan was more than happy to step to the sidelines, letting her companions carry most of the conversation. Watching the two brother’s mess around and banter was enough of a show to make a small bubble of longing and grief stir in the bottom of her stomach. Her conversations with Ethan had almost always turned out the same way – unless they’d spoken specifically about something that was important. Which was rarely. She didn’t often think about her family – but in that moment she missed them terribly.

Her breath left her in a whoosh of an exhale that she didn’t even know she’d been holding in – a slight lift of her eyes to the younger boy enough to surge a wave of relief through her. She was grateful for the forgiveness – from both the brothers. It had been a long time since she’d felt this comfortable around people, let alone enough to somehow almost slip back into her sarcastic self. That her seemed like such a far off person now. Evan was fairly certainly that it hadn’t been her life spent in a sorority that had gotten her through the Big Freeze, but the time she’d spent with her family during the summers outdoors.

“Now that you mention it,” Evan began with a tilt of her head, eager to play along and try and cover up her slight screw up, “It totally does have a weird shape. I’d say it runs in the family but your head’s completely normal looking.” A laugh escaped from between her lips and she realized distantly how long it’d been since she’d heard the sound in its truest form – not covered or tainted with any feeling other than amusement.

@liam-hart

[liam-hart]

“What?!” Liam let out a small shout, the picture of innocence as he jumped out of the way of the shove he’d anticipated from his brother. Not quite quickly enough to avoid getting pushed slightly over, but enough to avoid the brunt of the attack. Entirely unprovoked, he might add, because he’d only been doing exactly what Jesse was hinting at. Served him right for not thinking that’s what Liam was going to do anyways. 

And he was glad he did, especially when Evan chimed back into the conversation. Any lingering distaste he might still have felt was washed away when she was so quick to join in with his teasing Jesse, even if she was only taking his side because she felt bad. All was fair in love and war, and Liam would take what he could get. “Ha!” He let out a triumphant shout, giving Jesse a smug grin. “See, what have I been telling ya? It’s weird.” He laughed, glancing over at Evan and grinning at her. “I think I like you.” He was mostly just teasing, going along with the joke, but the truth was this was the most comfortable he’d felt since coming to the camp. A comfort mostly to do with Jesse’s presence, but he quickly found himself relaxing more into their new company, and he was surprised to find he didn’t totally mind it.

@sergeantjhart

[sighpeter-blog]

Liam’s words hit Lauren like a kick to the stomach. Ever since she was told about the rescue, she’d felt guilty for everyone’s troubles and the injuries that resulted from them going down to get her. And now, she stood before Jesse’s brother as he accused her of being the reason he almost died. She almost retorted that she almost died too, but she stopped herself. That wouldn’t help her case at all. And it didn’t matter. What mattered was that Jesse had almost died. Because of her. “If your goal is to make me feel bad about it, then you can go ahead and quit. You can’t hate me more than I already hate myself.” Even that sounded self-pitying. She was pathetic.

“I know your brother risked his life to save me. I know he could’ve easily left me for dead, as could Evan and Mason. Any one of them could’ve left me there. Hell, at this point I think I would’ve rather they had.” Lauren shook her head, biting her lip to hold back the tears. “If you wanna hate me for what happened to Jesse, go ahead. I don’t blame you.” She was hurt that Liam thought her anger was simply about the fact that she had to use crutches, when  in fact, it stemmed from the fact that she had put herself and others in harm’s way. She wasn’t so petty as to complain about being hurt but alive. She complained about the fact that everyone made a fuss over her, when she didn’t deserve it at all.

[liam-hart]

Her retort caught Liam off guard, put a temporary hold on his anger as he eyed her warily. He wanted to be pissed off. He wanted to yell at her. But he didn’t want to yell at someone who was standing there with tears in her eyes telling him he was right. Telling him he hated herself. Liam knew all too well what that felt like. But the things he hated himself for were choices he’d made himself, coerced into them or not. 

He didn’t feel bad about what he said to her; he’d meant it. Whatever her reasons for complaining were, they weren’t complaints he wanted to hear. But she had all too quickly stripped him of the desire to take his anger out on her -- which was annoying in its own right, as a matter of fact. “Well that’s stupid,” he answered her bluntly, his voice devoid of sympathy but also no longer heated. “They didn’t save you so you could go around feeling guilty about it. If that’s what you’re gonna do then yeah, they should have left you there. So suck it up. Quit complaining and just be glad you’re still alive, ‘cause they think you’re worth it.” Liam wasn’t so sure he agreed, but that wasn’t the point. If Jesse had risked his life to save someone, she’d better be making it damn worth his time.

[sighpeter-blog]

Lauren reached to get her crutches, annoyance boiling inside her. It wasn’t even the fact that she was hurt that angered her – it was how incapacitating this particular injury was in this particular setting. She could’ve dealt better with a broken arm. But not being able to get around was probably the worst thing to throw at her at any given time, let alone now.

She looked up as the bitter tone found her ears. She frowned in confusion when she saw the kid she’d let into the camp looking down at her. Liam. She’d never gotten his last name. She used her crutch to get herself back up before replying to his underlying accusation. “If you have something to say to me, just go right out and say it,” she spat, matching his bitterness.

[liam-hart]

Liam stood with his arms folded across his chest as she pulled herself back to her feet, pushing away the small pang of guilt nagging at the back of his mind. Jesse had done more than enough for her; she didn’t need Liam’s help, too. Especially not if she was so ungrateful as to go around complaining when she could so easily have been left for dead. It was what Liam would have done. She had helped him, by letting him into camp. Shown him kindness, even. But he didn’t know her. He didn’t trust her. He wouldn’t have risked his or his brother’s life for her.

Jesse was a better person than Liam. He’d always been a better person. No doubt the older boy held no ill will toward Lauren at all -- but that didn’t change the way Liam felt. It didn’t change the way he bristled at the tone she shot back at him, because he was in the right and she was in the wrong. “If Jesse hadn’t gone down that hole after you, he wouldn’t have almost died.” He shot back at her. “So maybe you shouldn’t be complaining about the fact you have to walk around on crutches when people almost died so you could walk at all.”

[sighpeter-blog]

Five weeks in a cast. Lauren couldn’t believe it when she heard it. Five weeks living like a cripple. Five weeks having to lean on crutches and other people to do anything. She wanted to scream. Or break something. Or scream and break something.

She couldn’t stand the crutches anymore. It was like walking around with four legs, and having the grace of it, too. They kept getting deep in the snow every time she took a step, and she had to be careful every time not to get any snow on the cast at the risk of it getting wet. The whole ordeal was just irritating. 

She stepped out of the main cabin with the intention to go to the like. Or make an attempt at it anyway. She put the crutches on the step and lowered herself onto it. The routine was familiar by now. That didn’t make it any less horrible. She put the crutches on the snow next, already feeling them sink into the white pillow. With a sigh, she heaved herself onto the ground. But as she went to take the next step, one of the crutches stayed stuck in the snow, causing her to loose her balance. The cold hit her face in a flash.

“Motherfucker!” she screamed, forgetting her surroundings for a second in favour of blind rage. “I am sick of these fucking sticks! I’m done!”

[liam-hart]

It had been a couple of weeks since Liam found his way to camp, and he had yet to adjust to the sheer number of people. He didn’t think he ever would, quite frankly. Invariably, people meant bad news sooner or later. If they weren’t intentionally bad, then they were stupid, and in some cases that was even worse. So Liam kept to himself, socializing only as needed and doing his best to avoid everyone other than Jesse as best as he could.

A key part of that strategy was to avoid the main cabin, but he couldn’t do so forever. He had to eat, after all, and it was that fact alone that had him reluctantly trudging his way to the cabin. He’d about reached it when he saw the door open, and he came to a stop as the last person in the camp he ever wanted to see again emerged. Lauren’s crutches made her unmistakable even under layers of winter clothing, and Liam could feel his face settling into a glower as she struggled her way out the door -- and promptly fell to the ground.

He didn’t move to help her, his glare only deepening at the way she screamed out in anger. It didn’t matter that she was one of the people who’d let him into the camp; she was the reason Jesse was hurt. She was the reason his brother almost died, just weeks after Liam had finally found him again. And now she was actually complaining about having to deal with crutches. “Maybe you should just be fucking grateful you’re alive.” He spat out at her, his voice laced with venom. “And that it’s just your leg that’s broken and not your head.”

[sergeantjhart]

Fresh Air || Jesse, Evan, & Liam

[sergeantjhart]

There were plenty of reasons why he blamed himself. He should’ve been more careful, or more prepared, or something. There were ways what had happened could have been avoided. Maybe if they’d taken time to get organized, plan. In retrospect that seemed like something they should’ve done, collected together and really put a plan into motion. But at the time…well, they didn’t have time, then. They were trying to get to Lauren as quickly as possible. He had the best medical knowledge (not that it did him much good). They did what they had to do, it just hadn’t gone very well. 

“I’m fine,” Jesse parroted back, giving her a knowing smile. ‘Fine’ never meant anything, it was just a word to say by way of explanation. Instead of saying what was really happening, or really admitting that something was wrong. Fine rarely meant fine. “Alright, but don’t downplay your shoulder. Injured muscles and ligaments are just as bad as broken bones.”

His shoulders instinctively lifted to block the wind as they stepped out of the cabin, biting his lip at the discomfort the motion had caused but otherwise ignoring it. He didn’t need Liam sending him back to bed or something of that sort. He saw the tensing of Liam’s shoulders before he fully processed Evan’s comment, tipping his head in her direction with a half smile at the tease. It was rather clear Liam didn’t find humor in it, though. 

“It’s alright, it’s alright,” Jesse commented, putting a hand on top of Liam’s head affectionately. Normally he would’ve ruffled the boy’s hair, but given layers of winter clothing it wasn’t much of an option.

[evan-sterling-blog]

Her lie went as well as she had expected it to go. Evan had an underlying feeling that a majority of the people who’d gotten injured on the ship had uttered the words. I’m fine. It was one of the most loaded phrases in the English language – and was almost always said in order to avoid actually talking about the problem. A deflection at best. She was thankful all the same when the only push she received from Jesse was a slight mock – she could handle the repeated phrase that seemed to be a tease more than anything else. “Sometimes worse,” she nodded her head absently. “At least that’s what–” my brother always said, “–what I’ve heard.”

The sudden appearance of the cold wasn’t anything new. She would almost venture that she’d gotten used to it – but that didn’t mean her shoulders didn’t hunch at the sudden wind, a streak of flame bursting from her shoulder. Her free hand went to her jacket pocket, her other left out to deal with the elements because of the uncomfortable sling and braced strap.

She’d walked right into that one and she mentally kicked herself for even letting herself utter the words.

Evan couldn’t help the slight wince that attacked her shoulders at the younger boys tone. She didn’t blame him for it. Not one bit. She should have read the atmosphere – it wasn’t Mason standing there with them. She couldn’t mask her concern and panic and fear with sarcasm and jokes. Jesse was Liam’s brother and the sheer potential of losing him was something she was all too familiar with – so she should have known better. The small smile from Jesse did very little to quell the sudden anxiety in the pit of her stomach and Evan turned her eyes down towards the ground, perfectly content on keeping her mouth shut for the rest of the walk and mentally berating herself for being an idiot. “Uh, yeah that… my bad. Sorry. That… yeah…”

@liam-hart

[liam-hart]

Liam smirked at the way Jesse mocked Evan’s words, looking up at his brother with an arched eyebrow. “You’re one to talk,” he pointed out with a teasing grin, relaxing a little more into their new company. It was harder to put blame on Evan for what had happened when he could hear the same sort of self-sacrifice in her tone that he often heard from Jesse. She’d been hurt too, and it wouldn’t surprise Liam if her relationship to the injured woman was as insignificant as Jesse’s. Maybe Evan hadn’t stopped him from making the decision that got him hurt, but Liam wasn’t sure anyone could have. 

That didn’t make it okay to joke about, though. There was nothing funny about the way Jesse had almost died, and Liam wasn’t sure there ever would be. Not when odds were slim both brothers would survive this, however long it lasted. Odds were slim any of them would last a whole lot longer. Of course, odds were slim any of them would have made it this far, and yet here they were. 

It was hard to say whether they were the lucky ones or not.

The hand on his head pulled Liam from that dark train of thought. Of course Jesse took the joke in stride, but Liam couldn’t bring himself around to that point of view. He’d spent a year thinking Jesse was dead, and now that he’d found him again Liam wasn’t sure he could keep going if his brother was torn away from him a second time. But he heard the guilt in Evan’s voice, watched her eyes flicker to the ground, and it was enough to make Liam let go of his anger.. “...S’okay,” he answered her quietly. “There’s plenty of other things you can make fun of Jesse about. You ever notice how his head is shaped kinda funny?” Liam offered a slight smirk, a peace offering of sorts, at the same time that he readied himself to take a big step away from his brother. He knew better than to think he wasn’t going to get a reaction from Jesse.

@sergeantjhart

[reginaholbrook-deactivated20160]

Regina chuckled (it was either that or be embarrassed about it) and shook her head. “I’m sure he thinks I’m a first-class bitch after that.” She made a mental note to apologize to him later, hating the idea of someone having the wrong impression of her. If she hadn’t spent the day in such a numb, nostalgia-induced haze she might have dwelled longer on what had just happened, but found she didn’t have the energy to care. “What are you writing?” She asked curiously before she could help herself. “If you don’t mind my asking.”

[liam-hart]

A short, surprised laugh fell past Liam’s lips when the woman took so well to his snark. He knew basically nothing about her, but at first glance he wouldn’t have taken her for the type to drop the b-word. “Maybe,” he answered with a smirk and a shrug, his eyes flickering down to his notebook when she asked about it. Liam paused a moment, looking back up at her with a measured gaze before he answered. “Just...notes, I guess. I’ve been trying to keep a daily log since this all started. Tracking the date, the weather, important events. Anything that might come in handy someday.” He shrugged. For as much as he claimed to have given up on the world -- and for the most part he believed that -- the notebook was the one shred of hopefulness he couldn’t seem to let go of.