Throwing Up My Feelings!

Weirdo. Optimist. GenderQueer. Social Introvert. Realist. St. Louis.

[librarianisin]

The Grove, St Louis.

#stlouis #thegrove #city landmarks #thegayborhood

[librarianisin]

Throwing up my feelings

I will never, ever ever date another person with ADHD, or any other mental health issues again. You know what, I will never date another Aries again. I love my Partner, but she is the first and the last for me.

[librarianisin]

[librarianisin]

All the money I made this year, and I have nothing to show from it. #feelingdown #butnotout

[librarianisin]

Some days I feel so unappreciated.

[librarianisin]

Feeling really unappreciated today.

[librarianisin]

Throwing up my feelings

I feel like most Women are masters at guilt flipping. They hurt you, then make you feel bad cause you expressed your hurt/disappointment.

[librarianisin]

I really appreciate how my partner and I have been able to talk out the few little differences we have had. I never had anyone love me like this, the way I always wanted to be loved. When God answers prayers ❤

[librarianisin]

Here I am thinking my relationship is going great, only to find out suddenly my Partner is "stressing a little" over our future. Now I need to go get my libido fixed. Asexuality strikes again. She told me she understood. So tired of people lying to me about being understanding. #asexual #asexualproblems #ace #aceproblems

[librarianisin]

My gf doesnt understand I hate going to her favorite gay bar because I'm 41, and I'm not into this much younger club scene. Hell, we are not in our twenties. I wish she would come to grips with the fact this is no longer our scene.

[librarianisin]

If I'm away from her for more than a day, I miss her like crazy. I plan a date in my head for when we do get together. Lately when we hook up, not only dnt have the day I imaged, she eventually says or does things to annoy the shit out of me, challenging my every suggestion. I know she loves me, but starting to feel she is intentional pushing me away. But as annoyed as I feel right now, I still miss her when she is not in my presence.

Vent done.

[librarianisin]

Sigh

I wanted a partner who was outgoing, upbeat, with a positive outlook on life. I thought that was what I was getting, but it's not what I got. I wanted a partner who was confident and secure. I thought that was what I was getting, but it's not what I got. I know my partner has been, and can be those things that I want and need, but right now, in this moment, I'm feeling duped.

[librarianisin]

I literally don't know what the f*ck just happened. She just blow up at me. This is not the first time, and I'm sure it won't be the last time she goes off and I don't know what I said or did wrong. But I know this, when it comes to relationships, no one can ever break my heart again. I'm glad I never shared this page. This is my only outlet to vent now.

[librarianisin]

Today, she had tried my patience like never before. Maybe I'm just irritable, and I'm not handling it well, but she isn't helping either.

I really don't know what to do, but tomorrow is another day.

[librarianisin]

[librarianisin]

So now I'm evil

The guilt trip, wow

But now I'm evil and don't care about her happiness.....wow

I tolerate your second hand smoke

Ashes all over my shit

Smoke getting into everything

You don't respect my shit

You spend half your free time with your friend you use to fuck, who is still in love with you, who is abusive, and toxic!

She is a whole handful, but I love and tolerate these things

But I'm evil

So I'm evil now

[librarianisin]

If her love of animals is stronger than her love for me, then it was bullshit from jump.

Hurt

Confused

Angry

I can't believe I let her gas me up like this. Convince me we had a future, but ready to end it all cause she may want a dog soon.

Like I ain't shit!

Like I ain't shit!

I thought this was it, she's the one.

Maybe she isn't. I could be all positive and say yes, get a pet one day, it's cool. Then when she actually gets one, I been around too many dogs and cats I will never feel comfortable, I will start to resent her, lash out.

Fear

Disgust

Anxiety

Idk, I asked Google. All the comments basically said move on.

I can't

I don't want to

Balls in her court. I know this

If she leaves me, I will not let myself suffer like I did with my Beautiful Mess. I will never suffer like that over another woman deciding she is good without me, ever!