milestones

These are the events that I hold close to my heart and have made me who I presently am.

[lielorn]

I cook surprisingly well (most of the time).

Being an only child brought up in a (usually) nuclear home, I am oftentimes left alone and is expected to learn how to do things on my own. Very young children typically start cooking instant food, and it was the same for me. Then, my mother would season different ingredients and let the actual cooking to me and eventually, I learned how to season dishes on my own. I think food is an important part of life; it is both an art and science, and gives people happiness. It’s much like music, which I enjoy, as it also connects people all over the world. Cooking is a skill that I still want to hone and hopefully do it for more people.

[lielorn]

Feeling a little better now.

For years, I have always struggled with my mental health and trying to keep myself sane. I have found many ways to temporarily ground myself, but that is how it has always been; temporary. Now, however, I have learned that I have to love myself to lessen my frustrations. In turn, I have also learned how to share that love to other people. I certainly do not want to burden anyone with my demons, so I always challenge myself to push them away. I want to be better for myself and for the sake of others. 

I wrote a poem before that expressed how I felt about a person--how he makes me feel secure and that his struggles make me feel like I’m not alone.

https://lielorn.tumblr.com/post/190553451706/attraction

 Definitely, I realized that my mental health is not only important for me but for the people around me. I have found friends who make me calm and someone who would take care of me and keep me safe.

[lielorn]

Attraction

I want to go to a theme park with you.

It doesn’t matter which one... I want to explore every inch of that land with my hand intertwined with yours. Getting tickets, I want you to wait with me, patiently Until we finally get to the gates, and this could potentially be the start of our... eternity.

It was meant to be. And a part of me says you’d indulge me in my fantasy That I need not pace worriedly Because everything was going to go smoothly

And so it did

It was nothing like I have ever felt before. The butterflies were eating up my core And I was smiling like an idiot but I didn’t know what for At that time, I was at my happiest.

But then it started raining.

You didn’t have a plan for rain. We found ourselves stuck in one place So we talked it out—spoke over each raindrop And forgot that we were just waiting for it to stop.

It was magical.

Then you remembered that you wanted to go to a haunted house An attraction other than this that you’ve always been talking about.

But there was only one thing in my mind, I wanted to enter yours to see what I could find But I wanted you to look at mine first. I don’t want to scare you but mine could be worse Its much like a haunted house Ghosts taking shelter in every wall Ceilings filled with corpses that so silently crawl Cobwebs, roaches, that awful stench of disappointment

Friends I’ve lost Haunting memories Irrational fears Dried up tears A condescending voice I can barely hear but still listen to

Every hallway is a racetrack And it’s going to feel like you’ve gone through a hunderd laps of overthinking Each door with a monster on the other side breaking in The candies they give you at the end are drugs that keep me from crashing

Are you terrified? Running back to the front door? Because I’d open it wide if you don’t want to stay. The hardest part about letting people in Is knowing that someday, they’d want to go away.

But you told me that you hear that voice too. And your ghosts linger just as mine do   The windows were just as shattered Stairs also creaked Told me you've lost people too And you also have irrational fears

I find peace when your hand is intertwined with mine And I'm hoping that this isn't just some fantasy But right then and there, I knew you were someone I wouldn't leave Because your haunted house was just as scary.