Life After K2

Hey, my name's Katie. Basically this is just a blog about my life since I tried synthetic marijuana. I feel like getting my feelings out into the open will hopefully help with a lot of the problems that have surfaced since I tried it. Maybe this blog can help others who are going through a tough time as well.

[lifeafterk2]

Update

Hope anyone who comes across this is doing well. Been having a rough few...days? Weeks? I’m not really sure. Just really stuck in a depressive state. I feel like I’m trying to climb out of this huge pit, but I can’t get a solid grip on anything to pull myself up. I think a big part of my feelings right now center around my lack of direction. I’ve graduated college and have a job, which I am thankful for, but it’s cubicles and it’s just not at all fulfilling. I like the people I work with, it’s just not what I want to do. Staring at a screen in silence for hours on end is just not what I have in mind for my future. But of course, whenever I think about making any changes, I get crippling anxiety and just give up on making any decision at all. I know what I want to do: I want to go to grad school, get my master’s, maybe teach somewhere or do research or something. But taking that first step is like leaping off a cliff right now. Just wishing I was feeling better, basically. Anyway, regarding my blog-related anxiety, things have been good. With the depression comes some anxiousness and feeling really out-of-touch with reality or spacing out, but those feelings come and go. Just heard about someone that ended up in a coma after smoking something like I had, so I’m just thankful that my situation is completely in my head and, more importantly, manageable. Hope everyone’s having a good week. The weather’s finally clearing up in my area, hope things look nice where you are as well. Stay strong.

[lifeafterk2]

I haven't been on here in such a long time. Things have been going pretty well. I've been struggling with bouts of depression over the past few months, and with those come those feelings of anxiety and panic and impending doom. They don't stick around, but it reminds me that keeping a healthy mental state is a constant war for me with battles interspersed throughout my life and I will continue fighting these battles. I know I'm stronger after all of this and I look forward to a time when things get easier. For now, just trying to stay on top of being aware of my triggers and surrounding myself with positive people. Hope all is well with everyone in the universe. Anyone having a rough time - stay strong, keep fighting, and if things seem insurmountable, talk to someone. A support network can make a world of a difference in those dark hours. Be safe out there.

[lifeafterk2]

Katy I need to ask u somthing please get back to me as soon as u can

Hey, I'm sorry I have no idea when this message was sent, I sort of abandoned this page awhile ago :( did you need someone to talk to? I'll keep an eye on this page if you still need to talk. Hope you're okay!

[lifeafterk2]

Wish you still posted :(

Ah I'm so sorry! Honestly, I wasn't sure if people still found my page helpful and I've been juggling three jobs and a new relationship so I just haven't been on here very much to update. If you need anything, you can still message me and I'll respond whenever I can!

[lifeafterk2]

Just watched a documentary called 65 Red Roses about a young woman with cystic fibrosis. It was really touching. This woman, Eva, was so brave, staring certain death in the face every single day and she continued to fight for life. Every single breath came with difficulty for Eva, but she kept on fighting. It's just...truly inspirational to have heard her story. I hope in the darker moments that I will inevitably have throughout my life that I will be able to channel the courage she embodied to continue pushing forward. Humans are resilient and strong creatures and I am happy to possess even an ounce of the strength that countless others before me have held within them. I hope everyone is doing well. You are all wonderful and I am so happy that you are all here, no matter who you are or where you are, I am happy knowing you're reading this. Keep on keeping on, everyone.

[lifeafterk2]

When you said a few months, how many? I'm sorry it's just that I am so worried I might not be able to feel reality anymore :'( I've felt way better than I did before but still! Like I can feel more attached to my bodie! And yeah I understand, I have counseling too but I have gone in two months because I faked to my parents that I felt well because they were sick worried and stress and I dont like seeing them like that for a stupid choice I did! but I am starting in two weeks! I

Oh I don't know exactly how many it was...the first like 3 months or so after were a blur of feeling anxious and depressed and alone and like nothing in the world was real, myself included. It was rough so I really don't remember the exact time-frame :/ it's been over a year since then and I've felt so much better since then. Therapy did wonders for me and I've talked to people who had good experiences with medication as well. Just stay strong and know that those feelings won't last forever!

[lifeafterk2]

With the New Year Approaching; Update Time

First off, I am so terribly sorry to anyone and everyone who has messaged me and I hadn't gotten back! I received the messages but never got the notification that I had gotten them so I never bothered checking my mail. I'll keep an eye on it more often in case it'll be a recurring issue. With that having been said, things are going pretty well. I've been really genuinely happy lately and my anxiety is down to a manageable level, to the point where I don't experience much anxiety at all most days. Here and there I get a weird feeling in my gut, but it always passes within a few seconds to minutes. The only thing I am a little disappointed in regards to my progress is my feelings towards life and death; I still struggle feeling like dying is a "normal" thing and worry about what comes next - which I'm sure isn't too abnormal since no one knows what happens, but it really bugs me and I struggle shaking those fears off. But I need to remember that it used to bother me for hours at a time, every single day, so only having it for a few minutes is progress.

In other news, I've finally officially wrapped up school and am looking into graduate programs. In the meantime, I've been keeping myself busy with a couple jobs and I am happy to say I have a beautiful girlfriend who has been so understanding and supportive whenever I am struggling with a bit of anxiety.

So yea, overall, still doing pretty great. I can't believe it's been a little over a year since the incident that started this whole thing. It's been a roller-coaster with some of the lowest lows I've ever experienced in my life (which I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy) and some truly wonderful experiences that have given me hope that one day I'll feel 100% like myself as long as I keep pushing forward. 

Hope everyone is having a wonderful winter so far. Stay strong, and keep on keepin' on.

[lifeafterk2]

Hey I smoked k2 4 1/3 months ago, did you ever have depersonlization? I seem to have it and it bothers me I had derealization for a month almost but depersonlization hasn't gone away :(

Hey, first off, I'm sorry you're going through a rough time right now. I feel like I went through a bout of both depersonalization and derealization - they seem to go hand-in-hand. I was never formally diagnosed with either problem because I was diagnosed with an anxiety disorder and those were kind of like...symptoms of my anxiety, if that makes sense. I had a really shitty time with it for a few months - like feeling like I wasn't attached to my body or something or that the world wasn't real and I was existing in some kind of like matrix-like universe - until I started going to therapy and that really helped. Talking it through and having that reassurance from a professional that what I was thinking and feeling about myself and the world was "normal" was so beyond helpful. It really helped those feelings go away for me. Have you talked to anyone else about those feelings? It could go away with time and help - but obviously I'm not a professional or doctor or anything so I'd suggest talking to a school counselor or therapist if you have access to one. Keep me posted! I hope things start improving for you sooner than later! Just stay strong and keep fighting, man.

[lifeafterk2]

hi came across your blog around a yearish ago and it helped me. anyways i havent smoked spice since february and i just scraped an old pipe i used to smoke spice out of and damn just smoking the resin brought back the feeling of i need to be smoking every 20 minutes. if that makes sense. forgot how spice felt well not the high just the after effects part. so thank you for making this blog it was very helpful to me. hope your doing well and have a nice day.=)

Thanks for reaching out to me! I'm always happy to hear that I've managed to help people a bit with this blog. I feel you though, just one little hit tends to bring all those feelings back. Regardless, keep on keeping on man, I'm proud of you! :D Hope you have a wonderful day as well :)

[seutae-deactivated20121225]

[twistedtorture]

if you follow the paintbrush with your eyes while not moving your head, it forces you to use emdr which is a therapeutic technique to calm anxiety/panic. watching fish swim causes the same effect.

I don’t have a favorite post on Tumblr, I don’t have things that I ‘always’ reblog.

But this is one thing I love seeing on my dash, I love having it on my blog, it really helps to calm me down and its amazing.

[lifeafterk2]

Do you have kik I need sombody to talk to about this k2 stuff bad :(

I'm sorry, what's kik? I can definitely talk to you on here though

[lifeafterk2]

Hey, quick question! Throughout your whole experience after spice, did you ever feel like you hadn't made much progress? I get those feelings from time to time.

Oh, definitely. I still have days where I have a really bad anxiety attack and then I just feel like I haven't gotten anywhere. Anxiety is one of those "two steps forward, one step back" things because it's an on-going process. There's not really a finish line with most things in life and it's a matter of remembering that this journey is rough, but you're always making progress every single day. I'm proud of you for persevering through those negative feelings. Just keep at it and don't let those self-defeating thoughts get the best of you because you've made great progress! We both have a lot to be proud of, bud! Stay strong and tell those silly thoughts about not progressing to get lost because you're doing great! :)

[lifeafterk2]

Hi Katie! I recently came across your blog. I accidentally (through misinformation) took one puff of some sort of 'spice' four days ago. Since then I've been freaking out constantly, and I have no idea what to do. I still feel 'high' (if you can even call it that) from it and just feel like everything is a dream and like I'm not really here. I'm terrified, because I know I can't live feeling like this the rest of my life. I can't stop thinking about it. PLEASE help. Any advice?

Hey man! Totally understand, same exact thing happened to me - friend told me it was weed and it wasn't. But everything's okay; those feelings will pass with some time. Unfortunately, you just have to get past the feelings of anxiety and fear and let your brain like recognize that everything's normal because right now it's on alert mode. My best advice would be to talk to a therapist to help you sort through your thoughts, help you cope with them, and get back to a normal lifestyle. I lucked out and went to a counselor on campus and she helped me so much over just a few weeks so if you're a student, you most likely have a resource on campus that can help. If not, check with your insurance and see what options you have. If therapy's not your thing, the best advice I can give is to give it time and keep yourself busy so you're not focusing on those thoughts. Spice seems to make a lot of people go through the same feelings you're going through (worrying about not being alive or feeling like nothing's real anymore) so you should really just stay active and don't get stuck in those negative ideas. Also, last thing: avoid self-diagnosing or looking up answers on forums!!! They will make you think you're like going crazy and all this other nonsense and will just make you feel worse about everything. I hope this was helpful! Stay strong, give it some time. I think I started coming down from those feelings after (unfortunately) a few weeks. So it's rough, but I promise it doesn't last forever. Eventually, you'll get to the point where you can identify what triggers those feelings of fear because they don't actually happen all day like you most likely feel that they do - it's just bouts of anxiety that come and go frequently. And I'm always here if you have any more questions or concerns or just want to vent. You can always private message me if you'd like as well. You're stronger than this! Keep at it and stay positive!

[lifeafterk2]

So over the weekend I went to a music festival. And overall, it was super fun. Hung out with my friends, met some really cool people and best of all, saw some awesome bands and great performances.

Problem arose when I gave in to temptation and smoked some weed. Literally, took two hits and felt completely fine. Then it hit me out of nowhere. Total panic attack. Ugh it was awful.

I just hated how out of control I felt. And at the same time, I had control to put myself into that situation which made me just super disappointed in myself. So on top of having anxiety on and off for several long hours, I was angry with myself and convinced that all the progress I've made over the past year was worthless and I fucked it all up.

So that was awful. I've given it two days and I feel significantly better about the situation and life in general so that's good. I just keep telling myself that mistakes happen and it's okay to feel like I stumbled a bit.

I guess on the bright side, now I know that weed is just off limits for me and that's fine. I know I don't NEED it to have a good time. I guess I just gave in to the temptation and wanted to try it out again.

Aside from that whole experience, I'm doing okay. Just trying to stay positive right now!

[lifeafterk2]

Feeling really bittersweet at the moment.

I'm so glad that people have been coming across my blog and have been using it as a way to reach out about their experiences.But I'm also really upset that other people have had some rough experiences with this stuff.

Well, for now I'll try to focus on the positive vibes. Like I've said a million times before: stay strong everyone! We're all in this together.

[lifeafterk2]

yesterday night i smoked spice for the first time, just to try something new i guess. felt like pot only stronger, i didn't really have a horrible trip or anything while it was happening. thing is, it's the afternoon right after and i feel 'off.' i seem to be forgetful and my brain messes up trivial things that i feel it wouldn't normally mess up. i don't know. guess i'm just a bit worried that i've fucked myself up. not sure what i expect you to say. thanks for listening i guess.

Your situation sounds fairly "normal" for how off you feel. It could be some lingering aftereffects. I'm not sure how long spice tends to stay in your system, but I'd say give it a few days and try to relax. You could just be paranoid that you feel off and it's making you feel worse than you really do. My advice would be to relax and try not to focus on it, you'll just work yourself into a frenzy. Maybe drink some tea? It always helps me when I feel off! Let me know if anything new comes up but I think you just need a day or two to detoxify.

[lifeafterk2]

Wanted to do a short update

So overall, still been doing really well. Things in my life have been a little crazy and slightly depressing at times. Have no idea what I want to do with my life, don't have a lot of money, I'm struggling to navigate through the dating world again...a lot of little things here and there just kinda building up. However, luckily I've been trying to keep myself busy and stay positive! Some days are harder than others, but still making it through.

As far as anxiety goes, been fairly well. I had a moment of deja vu and it gave me a bit of anxiety. Wouldn't call it a panic attack but it was still rather unpleasant. Just kind of stinks to feel like I've beaten this whole thing and then having something happen and for a few minutes it feels like I haven't made any progress. Luckily, these moments are few and far between so again, overall things are going pretty well. Trying to stay positive and take it a day at a time as always.

Anyway, hope everyone who comes across this is doing well! Anyone who's having a rough day or week or life in general, stay strong! We're all in this crazy thing called life together and if anyone needs someone to talk to, feel free to inbox me! All my best wishes for everyone and until next time, take it easy.