and sometimes in the middle of the day
when everything looks fine from the outside
I think about the people I’ve loved
And the people who have loved me
Some I tried to grow into
All of them leaving something behind
I don’t call those relationships failures
Even when I couldn’t answer fully
But there’s a weight I carry constantly
Not just in quiet moments
To achievements that are supposed to feel lighter than they do
A feeling that I fall just short
That effort alone doesn’t always equal alignment
I question my worth more than I show
Whether I’m someone people choose every day
Or someone they eventually realize
They need something different from
That doubt settles into my body
Like a weighted vest I forget I’m wearing
Until I try to breathe deeply
Behind staying busy enough
That I don’t have to sit with it too long
As honestly as I knew how at the time
And still, I was the one who “left”
But by not being what was needed
And still missing the mark
“You’re not stable enough.”
“You’re not who I need right now.”
Believing growth would catch up
Believing effort would eventually close the distance
While the space quietly widened
I changed what I could see
But when love asked for something steadier
I didn’t always know how to hold on
Without gripping too tightly
Out of fear of losing what mattered
I’m not writing this for sympathy
I’m writing because carrying this silently
Has started to feel heavier than sharing it
Because this grief lives with me daily
For everyone I wanted to grow with
And couldn’t seem to hold onto
No matter how much I cared
I know we’re all moving toward an ending
That truth doesn’t scare me
Having never learned how to hold love
This isn’t hopelessness. This is honesty.
gummygunk
dailybridgerton
origamiaround
2087
blakekathryn
germansingergirl
