Everything at once.

[fuck-yeah-dope-shit]

[lifelessfrog]

Happy Caps Trip-E experience

About 3 weeks ago on a Saturday i was Skating with my Best friend in the centrum of the Hague and we really felt like doing something. So we decided to go to this local head shop close to where we were skating and each picked up a bag of happy caps. Once i got home i immediately took 2 pills because thats what it said on the pack. Unfortunately my parents were downstairs and after what happened with the weed i was a bit nervous that they would find out. So i ended up telling them that i was tired from skating and that i would go to sleep. I said goodnight and went upstairs. After about 50 min the pills hadn't kicked in yet, so i did a stupid mistake..  I took 2 more.  30 min passed and i started to feel a bit dizzy. My parents were already in bed so i decided to go downstairs and got a few big bottles of water to drink incase the dizziness wouldn't decrease.  As I walked passed the mirror in my hall way i thought it would be a good idea to fix my hair and check how i look. Which i did. I looked at myself and dropped the water bottles immediately. My pupils were the size of my iris. I had no colour in my eyes. Just a big black dot with a tiny blue green outline.  I went back upstairs as quickly as i could run because i knew that the trips was going to start.  I lied down in my bed and put on some music. aAfter about 10 minutes i started hearing this noise of a propeller airplane and it stayed for about 10 min. In those 10 minuted i started to feel this thing moving inside my chest so i started scratching and scratching until it was bloody. I decided to close my eyes and just try to enjoy it and have a nice experience. Once my eyes were closed i saw complete darkness but suddenly this spark of light would come up and explode like a fire work. first green, then yellow, then blue and the red. Afterwards all those colours would start to mix up into brown purple turquoise and orange. I opened my eyes again to change the song and my iPad was waving. and so were my wall and everything else in my room. I felt really bad. My stomach was turning itself inside out and i just needed to vomit so i drank a bit more and lied down and started to watch some videos on YouTube. After a while i started to feel really sick so i sat up and drank some water. And as i was drinking i slowly felt it coming up. I vomited all over my bed covers. After about 3 minutes of trying to get everything out of myself i finally realised what had happened, so i panicked. i jumped out my bed making sure that no puke would trip down on my  mattress and i started to take off my bed covers. My parents were deeply sleeping but i was still terrified as i was completely fucked out my mind. I walked into the room next door to get a towel and bumped into basically everything that was anywhere near me.  Once the vomit was more or less cleaned i went back to bed and closed my eyes and THATS when the trip really started. I started to imagine that i was on a big cloud looking down at the world how i imagined it would look. I gradually glided through the cloud and started to feel that feeling in my stomach which you get when you do free falling. And with one dull sound i smashed onto the floor at once, and shattered into many lego pieces.I opened my eyes and i saw little horses and zebras run past my room. i was scared the would run me over so i thought to myself that i had to go to sleep but i couldn't. I stayed up almost for the whole night only getting about 2 hours of sleep,  

[wildlifepower-deactivated201506]

[lifelessfrog]

Sometimes i feel really lost. I feel as if all my feelings have been removed apart form the one that screams for help and the desire to hurt myself. I have a Girlfriend and she is the one and only thing that I love. She tries to make me feel better but sometimes she just ends up getting caught up with the mess the goes on inside me. So then we try to help each other and get better and feel good again. She is my everything. 

I changed in that way that i felt really sad. I felt lost. I felt useless and unwanted but not because i was craving the weed, no. it was because i was unwanted, lost, useless and sad. I had no one. My Girlfriend had broken up with me 2 weeks after because she needed space. Meaning that i had no one to talk to that i could trust. My best friend tells his Girlfriend everything so no go. I just felt useless and unwanted. 

Before we went on the summer break my best friend invited me to come over to the beach with his girlfriend and i accepted. I turned out that my Ex was there too. We didn't talk since we broke up so i thought that it would be really awkward. After a few shots of vodka it want awkward anymore and we started talking again. We talked about how we both had been doing and how everything was. The conversations got really fun and our bodies got really cold. So we decided to start cuddling. I felt as if i was loved again. With the warmth of her chest pressing against mine i got happier and happier. 

I stayed over at a friends house and my ex and i started to talk again the moment we were both awake. However she left to France the day after. I didn't get to see her for 5 weeks straight. We only talked on Whats app and i gradually fell in love with her. The day the got back we repeated the beach date with my best friend and his girlfriend and her. We ended up kissing. The feeling of her lips touching mine was one of the best things i have ever experienced. 

Her and I met us as much as we could and the day before school started i asked her to be my girlfriend with the reply :'YES!!'  I also told her that i loved her. And she replied with 'I Love You too baby'  It's been 3 months now that we are together. And I might not be the oldest person but I know the she is the woman i can see myself with for the rest of my life! 

I LOVE HER SO MUCH!! <3

[lifelessfrog]

Lonely Clouds

[lifelessfrog]