My Renner Haven

Writer. Sister. Daughter. Friend. Jeremy Renner fan. Blog is full of Renner pics, my fanfic art edits and the occasional life rant. Re blog mostly Renner, Marvel, Owls, Pugs and Frenchies (dogs lol) WARNING: ALL PORN BLOGS WHO FOLLOW WILL BE BLOCKED!

[liferuinedbyrenner]

The last few weeks have been pretty shit. I've felt my anxiety Creep up on me again. I wish I could describe how this feels. My head feels in a fog. On Tuesday I started back on my anxiety meds.

I had a massive anxiety attack on early Wednesday morning. My whole body was on fire and I couldn't move. It felt like there was a huge weight pressing down on me. And I felt like that for most of the day. I haven't been able to get out of bed, and I haven't been to work.

My biggest is worry is that I'm going down the same path has I did a few years ago when I developed agoraphobia too. I can't go through that again!!

The physical affects of the anxiety feel worse. The dizziness, brain fuzz.

I just want it to stop x

[liferuinedbyrenner]

Angry rant here cause I can’t on Facebook.

“DON’T FUCKING TELL ME HOW TO DO MY JOB”

..lol rant over x

[liferuinedbyrenner]

New adventures in driving....

I had my first driving lesson last week which wasn't very good at all. In fact it was awful. When I got home my legs were shaking. And I was dreading my next which was yesterday.

I really enjoyed yesterday. We were working on my steering which I had problems with. Just going up and down a car park and around the parking bays. My instructor said it had been the quickest turn around of steering that he'd seen in a long time. Which made me very happy. Considering I was hopeless last time and despite going over a curb or 2 yesterday, it wasn't bad. 😀

Next lesson is next Friday. So I'll let you know how I got on.

[liferuinedbyrenner]

It was the best of times, it was the shittiest of times

So I started a new job in the middle of June, which was going good until my world came crashing down on 4th July. My Mom was taken to hospital early that afternoon. She sadly passed away a few hours later in her sleep.

We were all left completely devastated. It was her funeral a few days ago. It was such a beautiful day, sun was shining, birds singing etc. A day she would have loved to have been outside.

A lot of people have told me that we all grieve in our own way. I feel horrible inside cause I haven't cried as much as my brother and sister. I feel the pain of losing her but I don't know what it is. My body fills up with tears and I have to fight them back cause I don't want to fall apart. I've fallen apart too many times in the last 10 years. I don't know if its cause of the medication or not.

The last 3 weeks just haven't seem real. When we buried Mom it was like I was watching someone else go through it. That couldn't possibly be my Mom in that coffin! Even now at home it feels like she's just upstairs or gone to town with my Dad.

I just have to keep thinking that she's no longer in pain. Before she passed it was like she wasn't our Mom anymore. That all the fun and life has been taken away through her being ill, self isolation and lockdown. If Covid hadn't have happened I'm sure she wouldn't have gone down hill so quickly. And if she'd had been able to go out, even in her wheelchair she would have been happier then spending the last 16 months of her life in the chair in the living room.

I miss you Mom. Will always love you. The attached pic is of me and Mom when I was in hospital when I was 6 or so with a broken leg.

[liferuinedbyrenner]

Life update

I was gonna post this on Facebook but decided to post it here instead.

So I've been unemployed for 6 months but today started a new job.

The last 6 months have been hard. My social anxiety has increased and I've hardly been out the house, except to the local shop. I can't describe how it feels not to want to go out but wanting to go out. This doesn't feel like I did in lockdown last year from March to when I went back to work in August. I went out when I could and I was fine. But this time for the last 6 months I've just felt better staying at home even though having hardly any money and having to prioritise bills sucked.

Today was my first day and when I got home I thought I was okay about going back tomorrow. But in my head I'm not sure I am. People are nice but there is a lot of learn in the job which means interacting with other people which terrifies me. I don't think it has anything to do with the pandemic and that I may catch Covid, I've been double vaccinated. It's just my in my head telling me I can't do it. That I can't get up and go out, talk to people and do this job cause there is so much to learn.

One thing that has changed and not only for me but millions of others is that I haven't been able to see my friends in 16 months. That always gave me confidence, travelling on my own and being with people that liked me, even though I know I'm probably a pain sometimes.

Being an introvert and social anxious I feel I've become even more introverted and more socially anxious.

My whole body feels in a permanent state of nerves. I know I have to get through this and take one day at a time. Its just hard.

Anyways hope this all makes sense x

[snooziep]

i don’t know why i thought Mayor of Kingstown was not set modern day!!! Clearly I need to read up a bit more about this one.  Anyway, here is our boy on set in Toronto

[fanficmemes]

I wish all writers who haven’t been able to write in a long time bc of depression a very I love u and I promise u will write again

[liferuinedbyrenner]

❤️ this...haven’t written in so long x

[mistressvera]

Marvel Studios’ Hawkeye Teaser

[liferuinedbyrenner]

Gonna post this here and not Facebook.

Haven't felt myself for a few weeks.

When I finished work back in March due to Covid lockdown and just no work I stopped taking my anxiety meds. Which at the time I thought was a good idea. Since I've been back I've only taken 2 and its beginning to show.

I feel like shit, anxious in the morning which makes my throat worse and I start clearing it again. It is a vicious circle. I only started taking my vitamin d since last week which I should have started taking in august. Its gonna take weeks to feel even anywhere near as good as I did before.

I've kicked anxiety butt the last 2 autumn/winters. I'm just not sure I can do it for a 3rd year.

[liferuinedbyrenner]

#Repost @jeremyrenner with @get_repost ・・・ Hey all, see me on a screen near you tonight at 9pm EST on @hgtv for my episode of #CelebIOU. Had an incredible time doing something special and well-deserved for mama Renner. Giving back to her was the least I could do for all she’s given to me. https://www.instagram.com/p/CAV2NM-FupKyPzHPtOWMxo2cBFQXvttNHeoyWA0/?igshid=z1k2t1t9y34t

[liferuinedbyrenner]

#Repost @propertybrothers with @get_repost ・・・ Tonight on #CelebIOU, @JeremyRenner helps us pull off a huge surprise for his Mom. This is one Renner-vation you don't want to miss! Tune in at 9|8c. https://www.instagram.com/p/CAVYszRFRdhD5Zt9crMayJsxZfXMttY-822dmA0/?igshid=1wqpi1aoz6bml

[lizclimo]

A lot of people are struggling, even if it isn’t obvious (especially on social media, where we tend to present the best version of ourself). This is hard! We all need a little extra support right now ♥️ Don’t be afraid to ask for help if you need it. 

[liferuinedbyrenner]

#Repost @renner4real with @get_repost ・・・ I pray for health and happiness to us all ❤️❤️❤️. #keepsafe @randallslavin https://www.instagram.com/p/B-Ko1MsltCzWuteKE1vWWrCTpoMcSAlr7XMHZI0/?igshid=6gt3kdkl00uj

[liferuinedbyrenner]

#Repost @renner4real with @get_repost ・・・ Anything for my number one! This is our dance/lunch break from our home school lesson #🦥 https://www.instagram.com/p/B-IQ1FFFKZKVo8qFbej-V-A1Dxw9M4cwGSvxJ80/?igshid=fikiv1p6z6po

[liferuinedbyrenner]

#Repost @renner4real with @get_repost ・・・ In these CRAZY times for all of us, we’re finding CREATIVE ways to keep our spirits up, body and minds active, and our hearts full. Much love to everyone out there ! #threetoed #staysafe https://www.instagram.com/p/B-IFkUZlB47cDDJ02irtXhmLNM2EWypnYHNaac0/?igshid=1rsem7zm2xbw3

[liferuinedbyrenner]

#Repost @renner4real with @get_repost ・・・ Life is a series of naps ... https://www.instagram.com/p/B9kKAi5FI8bBeOiATwn6jsxowBIMlujO6rHDE40/?igshid=6irm1xrl14jc

[liferuinedbyrenner]

#Repost @renner4real with @get_repost ・・・ Finalizing some work today. I can’t wait to share #comingsoon https://www.instagram.com/p/B9UvRvcFl-QZnY9j7ZCtUc6LpCNZrFyEAagY2U0/?igshid=16jm0iynsgyaj