always disappointment. always the sting of dismay, every time he lets go of her, releases her like the wild thing he swears she is. she knows with such certainty that he should never hold her like he’s grown accustomed to, why is it that it hurts her so ? nothing has changed, nothing will change : HIS TOUCH LEAVES HER, & SHE FEELS THE WIND OF WOE TAKE HER THAT SAME INSTANT. the heat of her heart boils over at the thought, as if their separation is an offense he has done against her — she has to remind herself, carve it into her ribs as ancient rune that THIS IS THE WAY IT MUST BE. they are not meant for each other, no matter how many treaties they willingly break, no matter how many secrets they’ve afforded to hide away. THAT’S LIFE. THAT’S DEATH.
the breath she takes is heavy, large & full & cold, quelling the cauldron of ire & sorrow that simmers within her. natalia does not dare to watch him as he looks away, her gaze instead given to the floor, the spotless black granite, the way it sparkles in the streaming sunlight —- the way his hair does. she lets the last tear fall, before her chin is raised, her eyes ahead & void of the sadness that had been there only a moment before. still wearing so many faces, still unknowable. [ OF THE HUNDREDS, YOU ARE ONE MADE OF NONE. ] ❝ i make my choice, koschei bessmertny, & it is my choice alone. not yours. not your brother’s. NONE BUT MINE, & i will not have you think otherwise. ❞ & know also, that i choose to love you, still. ❝ can you live with that ? ❞
TO LIVE, TO DIE, TO BE REBORN : this is the red woman’s tale. always winter’s bite in every ending, always the death of spring that once bloomed in her. now, he can only dance in her reveries. when she shuts her eyes & dreams of a world away from her own white - cast bliss, there he will be, a lover. ❝ OH, YOU SILLY GIRL. ❞ with a despairing laugh, he looks upon her. ❝ have i not always called you a wild thing, little fox ? YOU MUST KNOW WHY. ❞ koschei bessmertny licks his lips, as if he were unveiling the most obvious truth to the world. a truth that seemed inherent to its existence, yet still so unspoken.
❝ YOU DEFY EVERY DEMAND OF THE UNIVERSE. ❞ he ruminates on a series of incarnations, a set of existences that have shared the same tales with different words, every embodiment even more individual than the last, every one of her tender hearts. ❝ nature has made you so that you were left with no choice. yet, you stand here -- owning the choices you have made. ❞ he narrows the gap one last time, ❝ i’ll let you in on the worst kept secret our kingdoms have to offer. ❞ his voice is a whisper, his breath hot against the shell of her ear, ❝ you are not who you are because of myself, or my brother you are not the TSARITSA OF DEATH because of nuptials. this power, this very existence, it has always lived within you & it will always die within you, too. death cannot control you as it has me. life cannot control you as it has my brother. YOU ARE EVERYTHING & NOTHING, ALL AT ONCE. & this is why you are a wild thing, natya. you are the question the universe will always raise -- a question none other than yourself can answer. ❞
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