Untitled

[lifewithscars]

To:

I- you were my first forever and probably would’ve been.

II- Built through surprisingly complete understanding dismantled by actions of hatred

III- started with force finished with regrets

IV- childlike wonder from the beginning to the sudden end

V- Relatable lifetimes cut short by fate and violence

VI- a wild dream come true to a nightmare full of all my fears

VII- walls brought down the true demise was change

[lifewithscars]

I think I know what’s in you’re head one minute and the next I don’t

I think we are okay then the next I think something went horribly wrong

is it wrong of me to crave attention from you

somtimes I feel like it’s the worst thing on the planet

somtimes it’s a reasonable request

simple even.

but what would I know I’m next to useless.

just barely the bottom of the barrel

and in sick if you acting like that’s not the case for my feelings or your selfishness

[lifewithscars]

i’m certainly not a morning person.

however,

when i was younger there was a radio station that on sunday mornings, would play acoustic music.

starting around 3 am and going till about 11am.

and i remember staying up all night on saturdays and most of the morning on sunday, just to hear the acoustic songs start and fall asleep to it and wake up to it a few hours later.

now i didn’t do this every weekend but i tired to.

i remember the little old radio alarm clock i had i would set it to the station at about 11pm saturday night and just, listen to it, while i did other things.

but hearing the acoustic versions come on made me smile.

i remember falling asleep with a smile on my face.

i remember waking up with a smile on my face because, there was just somthing so calming about waking up to acoustic music.

having my room filled with raw sounds and notes and vocals, it made my room brighter somehow.

i would stay in my room some sunday mornings laying in bed doing nothing but absorbing the unrefined sound coming out of my speaker.

my favorite was in the springtime i would have fallen asleep with my windows open so not only did i awake to the sound of the transcendent music but to the sound of birds and wind and the world going on outside of my home.

someone asked me recently if i had a choice to either go back in time or go forward 10 years what would i do?

no kept memories no extra money for going forward.

my answer was simple i would want to go back, to relive moments like those perfect sunday mornings.

but we can’t go back, i can’t even try to recreate those moments as the radio station changed from music to religion.

but those acoustic sunrises will be in my memory forever.

and no matter how desperately i want to go back to the moments i can’t.

our life on earth is fleeting and at the same time longer than most.

i just hope i can be someone’s acoustic sunrise.

[lifewithscars]

im right infront of you

im sitting here not waiting because i can’t

but you keep asking for everything i fall under

you keep saying you want this but then you won’t take the leap forward

im not waiting around for you because i can’t and no one should wait

im sitting here infront of you

a world of everything you’ve asked for

you say we won’t work but don’t have a reason

im sitting here ready to try things

but you can’t take the jump because it’s out of your comfort zone

you say your annoyed by people stuck in their comfort zones

but you can’t look in the mirror

i’m sorry but i’m not waiting

i’ll go jump out of my comfort zone with someone else

we will always be friends

[lifewithscars]

Power Behind a Gun

Have you ever held a gun?

Have you ever shot it?

The power is intense, well it can be.

But, I will never hold one again…

it’s too tempting.

[lifewithscars]

apparently I’m really thirsty, apparently I’m a bad problem that needs to be delt with. I officially hate the fact that I gave in and let you into my life. I’m sorry that my head just doesn’t stop I’ll avoid you from now on.

[lifewithscars]

Three men.

I hate myself for loving you. 

I hate myself for being stupid for you.

I hate myself for letting you use me. 

[lifewithscars]

you know what hurts?

how stupid I am. 

you said you loved me, you kissed me goodbye and that you’d be back, you were doing this to make her happy. 

I should’ve known then that you never cared. 

[lifewithscars]

We promised each other so many things.

I’m sorry it was my fault.

I’m sorry I gave up when you needed me the most.

[lifewithscars]

I miss you, why do I miss you? I SHOULDN’T MISS AN ASSHOLE LIKE YOU EVER!!!! YOU FUCKED ME UP IN MORE WAYS THEN I CAN REMEMBER LITERALLY!!!

Then why right now do I want to repeat the past but instead of cutting everyone off and running away from you.

I want to cut everyone off and run back to you.

Yes you were awful, yes it was painful, but you were predictable I was, calm, I knew no matter what as long as I was with you I’d be taken care of.

And that’s not the reason I want to go back, i. Want to go back to you because even after, her, I never wanted to do anything to myself and now, now that’s the only thing occupying my thoughts. Every day all day.

With you my head was at least taking and communicating what’s was wrong now it’s all just screaming from several demons. Just one big overstimulation Mess of noise.

And I’m sorry for what I did to you.

I messed up.

You are right, it’s my fault, it will always be my fault. I am what you say I am.

[lifewithscars]

Three times, maybe the forth will work?

[lifewithscars]

Why does everyone leave or not care?

Promises mean nothing anymore, yet I stil vaule them.

You broke yours forever ago, but it’s my fault.

[lyrics-and-music]

Ashley // Halsey

[lifewithscars]

Is anything ever going to be enough again?

[lifewithscars]

Is it easier to kill yourself now?

I mean at least for a little while you can say “at least they won’t be here if the world turns to shit” .

It doesn’t make it better. It doesn’t make it easier.

They are still gone.

Maybe it’s time to join them.

[broken-depressed-hearts]

“Where did I go wrong? I lost a friend somewhere along in the bitterness”

— How To Save A Life

[lifewithscars]

20 years

20 years is what I time I have left with you, I hope for thirty and I dare not think of ten.

I won’t ask you to stay because I know you will be in to much pain to carry on, but I do beg you to try.

I scream in my head whenever you do anything reckless to be careful, but I know you too well I know you want to live your life while you can.

I hope you will say goodbye, but I know that’s to much to ask, the goodbye would give me clousre, but cause you immense pain.

So I hope when you disappear that you go somewhere nice and that you won’t suffer. I hope when you decide to go off the map and walk away from everything that it isn’t a struggle for you to do so. I hope that when you leave this world you take your last second and appreciate all you had.

I never can.