I tried salvia for the first time today, and the experience was confounding. It was like having a microscopic, yet full picture of my "real life" and ultimately my ego, which keeps me attached to it. It was one of the closest, face to face encounters I've had with the egoic notion, blasted into a physical metaphor. But a lot of things seemed to go bad. The cat jumped across my leg onto the bed after I took the hit, which meant it was too late for perfect conditions from the beginning. The cat freaked me out, but made me aware of the poor energy already in the room and all of the psychic interplay, too, just not at first.
I was trying to listen to a George Harrison song, but it was playing on the television and there was something about the poor quality of light and sound. It was clearly artificial, so perhaps using recordings as a proxy in meditation can only go so far, as well. The room was dark, and I think this worsened the sense of vertigo that developed later.
Once I I could realize the song was being played and not another layer of the fabric of reality, I tried to lay down and make sure I placed the bubbler down. I couldn't tell when I had put it down at first, due to still feeling it in my hand... For a second then, my left arm/hand and foot began to feel electric, as I began perceiving myself at a great height. It was like hanging outside the window looking in, so I was naturally clinging onto what I could. I tried laying down, but I had this fear of going out the window, and especially of the cat dumbly climbing out and falling. My sitter was being very calm, and may have been tired, but I started to get upset feeling like I was the only one capable of doing anything. This was not the case, but at this point, holding on for dear life with my hands clasping my body and my nose and right eye wrenched up as if trying to hold onto a ledge with my face... The ego surged back.
There was never any release, but my perspective changed drastically for a few moments. I came out of the high nearly furious. I was mad at our poor attempts at guarding the trip setting. I was mad at so consciously choosing to hold my ego so tightly. I was mad at being mad... My concepts of self-importance, maturity, life experience, care taking, etc., they are each a lie. A lie I chose to live/remain with during my trip so I could protect a cat and my partner from some undefined danger. Quickly, I began outright blaming my partner, because my perspective was now "I have to be here to take care of you because you can't do it, and I can't trust you with my body while I'm tripping..." Lots of mean stuff, which are also lies.
I didn't even begin to get a clue about what all of this was until nearly an hour and a half later. There were a lot of emotions and disappointments going around, I think it's safe to say. This substance, as with others, will show you what you need to see, I guess. I went in after a long period of battling my ego's frustrations already. I could have predicted a trip related to that stuff if I wanted to. And while seeing wonder and beauty and feeling complete happiness would have been preferred, though unlikely on this drug, I feel like I learned more about myself from one hit of salvia than most other experiences I've lived. How can I even say that? I had a weak trip. It wasn't anywhere close to what I wanted. But where is the lie?
germansingergirl
prguitarman
stormborns
blakekathryn
pixelskylines
kaledo-art
