An abandoned draft in my IPad

祝日 / Permanent Vacation
he wasn't even looking at me and he found me
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@lightaroundthecorner
An abandoned draft in my IPad
What are the best AO3 Reylo fanfictions?
Anything by @affidecrystal / Cora Riley ☺️
@anniewalflarck-blog I don’t know what you like, but here are 3 different suggestions:
1) A canonverse I think touched perfectly all the notes and bases! Personally, this is my headcanon ep. IX:
You’ll Be The One to Turn by @postedbygaslight
https://archiveofourown.org/works/14341389/chapters/33099192
2) One of my favorite AU’s that make my heart flutter. Ben is a food critic and Rey is a food blooger:
Say Something Sweet by LoveReading (I’m not sure she has a Tumblr):
https://archiveofourown.org/works/33803119/chapters/84032287
3) Another AU that I love, with dragon shapeshifters and treasure rooms:
The rarest treasure of all by Ladderganta
https://archiveofourown.org/works/47460400
Killing the Past: The Dark Side and Kylo Ren
TL;DR: Kylo, as a true Dark Side apprentice, sees attachment as weakness and an impediment to power, and this explains a lot of what he does and why.
[Note: I’m aware that this has been circulating on Tumblr. I’m the original author, and posted this to the Facebook group Reylo Trash on February 24. User @empressrey13 put it up here to save it for posterity and told me about it, making sure to credit me, but didn’t know my Tumblr— honestly, I just reactivated it.]
Something that’s been rattling about in my head the last few days is putting together a coherent answer to Rey’s question to Kylo in the third Force Bond scene: “Why did you kill [your father]?” It’s easy enough to say, “Well, Snoke, duh,” but that answer diminishes both Kylo Ren and Ben Solo to the role of a mere pawn, easily manipulated and controlled, and I think that’s a terrible read on a very nuanced set of circumstances leading up to Han’s murder.
To look at this properly, we have to look at Kylo’s direct answer to Rey’s question, which at first seems like a deflection:
“Your parents threw you away like garbage. [REY: They didn’t.] Yes, they did, and yet you still keep needing them. It’s your greatest weakness. You’re still looking for them everywhere, first in Han Solo, and now with Skywalker … Let the past die. Kill it if you have to. It’s the only way to become what you’re meant to be.”
When I first saw TLJ, I thought Kylo was evading Rey’s question because it was too painful to answer, or because there was no logical way to explain something as arcane as a Dark Side rite of passage. Now, having reflected on it a lot, the answer seems clear. He IS directly answering her, but not in an obvious way.
One of the major themes of this trilogy has been to address the main failing of the Jedi (and the Sith, for that matter): the rejection of attachment. The Jedi forbade romantic love and attachment because, in their estimation, the passions stirred up by love can confuse a Jedi’s sense of what is morally right, and therefore is an obvious path to the Dark Side. But what is commonly ignored is how vehemently the Sith also rejected romantic love and attachment.
As Palpatine says to Anakin, “The Jedi and the Sith are similar in almost every regard.” What Palpatine declines to tell Anakin is that the goal of the Dark Side is the accumulation of power for power’s sake (“POWER! UNLIMITED POWER!”), and that romantic love, familial attachment, and compassion for others will always present barriers to that power, and limitations on personal ambition. It is perhaps the cruelest trick Palpatine employs against Anakin, baiting him into the Dark Side by promising him the freedom to love, and omitting that being a Sith Lord (at least under the Rule of Two era) would by definition preclude such attachment.
Snoke reminds Kylo that his training is not complete, and that he knows his apprentice is not nearly as committed to the Darkness as he would like to project. And the reason for this is apparent: Ben Solo still loves his parents, despite their failings. Snoke makes sure to position killing Han as a test of Kylo’s commitment to the Dark path, but the real goal here is to eliminate Ben Solo’s attachments, clearing the barriers to unchecked nihilism. But killing Han doesn’t bring the clarity Kylo was expecting, only more conflict and pain.
What he’s doing is telling Rey that it’s *because* he didn’t hate his father that he had to kill him, it’s a chilling view into the moral vacancy of the Dark Side. When Kylo says to Rey that her attachment to the myth of her parents is her greatest weakness, he means that it’s her desire for belonging that is her greatest weakness. He recognizes the same yearning in himself, and also identifies it as weakness, as he has been trained. And yet, he can’t resist the growing urgency of their bond, and the hold it has on him.
I think this is why he reacts to his feelings about Rey, particularly after the Force Touch scene, with such confused resolve. He knows what he saw in the vision, and in order to square that with his worldview, he has to invent a scenario in which being with Rey conforms to his overall goal to eliminate his attachments to the past. Of course, this desire is paradoxical, since he craves belonging with her, and eventually would be unable to reconcile his feelings for her with what he perceives as weakness in them both. It would have brought them both to ruin if she had taken his hand there.
This is the one thing that has worried me about Kylo’s arc. His reaction to waking up in the throne room and finding her gone is to double down on eliminating attachments and embracing raw power for its own sake. It’s a moment of dark catharsis, in which he decides to destroy everything, including Rey (notice that he wanted to do this indirectly, sending troops, or trying to shoot down the Falcon), in an effort to rid himself of this flaw he believes he has identified. That’s what makes Luke’s sacrifice so important: he gives Kylo the invaluable opportunity to kill another loved one without actually doing it. When Kylo strikes what he believes has been the killing blow against Luke, the look on his face is one of pained realization: there still isn’t any more clarity, and he is even more riven than before.
And now we come to the final Force Bond scene, in which the two of them are reminded that they are still uniquely joined by the Force. It’s a potent reminder to Kylo that destroying his attachments won’t free him from pain; that yearning for belonging and love persists, and the echoes of those you’ve loved linger on forever in your heart. Luke says this twice, basically: “No one’s ever really gone,” and “Strike me down in anger and I’ll always be with you; just like your father.”
I think the novelization will go a long way to resolving the questions around this, but it does illustrate how goddamn hard it’s going to be for him to let go of his hate, and accept that caring for others is not weakness, as he wants to believe, but instead strength, as he’s seen demonstrated by Rey. I still think Anakin’s going to have to sort things out with him, and set him straight about the price of the power he seeks.
This meta clarified a couple of things I’d never fully understood before, particularly how Kylo could go through with killing Han if he didn’t hate him (had never hated him, still loved and yearned for him, wanted with all his heart to throw the mask away and go home with him). It was exactly BECAUSE he loved Han that he thought he had to kill him.
But it wasn’t enough. His soul was split, his heart more tormented by guilt and loneliness and yearning than before. He still hadn’t “completed his training” in Snoke’s eyes, because he still cared. So Kylo set out to prove himself by killing Leia. But despite all his anguished resolve, he couldn’t do it. His own wingmen had to fire on the bridge for him, and in grief and rage Kylo turned on them and blasted them to bits instead. Because even losing his mother, or believing he’d lost her, DIDN’T HELP.
But Snoke drilled “compassion is a weakness” so hard into Ben Solo’s head that he can’t give up, can’t see any other way to find peace but eliminating the sources of his conflict one by one. Han’s gone, Leia’s (seemingly) gone, who else is there to get rid of? Luke, obviously. He still cares that Luke betrayed him. Deep down Ben still loves his uncle and can’t get over the hurt of what happened between them. So the first thing he demands of Rey through the force bond is that she give him the location of Luke Skywalker. Maybe if he kills Luke THEN the pain will stop.
Which is why (and this was the second point I didn’t really get until now) Kylo snarls at Luke on Crait that he’ll destroy not only him but Rey as well. Because despite all his efforts to save her by offering her a place at his side, she rejected it, and Ben knows now that he can’t have the Dark Side and her too. Yet he can’t stop caring for her. Can’t stop being hurt that she left him. So if he’s ever going to be free of this pain, he has to eliminate the last person that he truly cares for. In a twisted way, it’s proof of just how much he loves her.
But of course real love is about doing what’s best for the other person, not what you think is best for you. And in Ep. 9 Ben will have to realize that, and accept it, and decide that he would rather suffer a lifetime of pain for a universe with Rey in it than destroy her in a last-ditch attempt to find his own peace.
@postedbygaslight thank you for this fantastic meta. Like @heliotrope-r, this also clarified some very important things for me.
In addition to the clarifications that others have mentioned, you completely cleared up one part of the novelization that really confused me: why Snoke sensed that Ben had raging internal conflict throughout the Throne Room scene.
This confused me because, in light of RJ’s comments that Ben very much knew he was going to kill Snoke heading in to the Throne Room, why would he be conflicted about it?
Now it all makes perfect sense. Ben was conflicted because he knew he intended to save Rey because he cares about her. Because he loves her, really, even if he isn’t willing to admit it to himself just yet. And he truly believes that attachments are weaknesses. That they are morally wrong.
I didn’t think that Ben’s story could be any more heartbreaking, really, but this insight has made it even more painful in two respects:
The fact that seeing Rey in pain (in the novel) was enough to completely resolve any conflict in Ben about being attached to her, because he couldn’t bear to see her harmed by Snoke. (after torturing Rey, Snoke notes how the raging conflict in Kylo Ren has been replaced by an “eerie calm.”)
The fact that the first time he actively violates his moral code against attachment since becoming Kylo Ren (in telling Rey that she means something to him, and asking her to join him) – a moral code that was beaten into him through years of manipulation and trauma and abuse – the end result is what he perceives to be an enormous betrayal. He believes that Rey not only spurned him, but also handed the man who tried to kill him (Luke) the family lightsaber so he could finish the deed. (Remember that Ben didn’t know what happened to the lightsaber after they fought over it because Rey woke up first.)
Thus, I think Ben interpreted Rey’s “betrayal” as something he had coming. He should have killed Snoke, then killed the girl. He should have never tried to get her to join him. He should have never begged her. What a weak fool he is. Just like his father.
And yet. Despite this terrible perceived betrayal, and despite his talk of destroying her, he still can’t help but yearn for her in the end.
He wants to be free of this pain (to @heliotrope-r’s point), but he can’t bear the thought of hurting Rey. Ben Solo is indeed alive. He must feel like such a failure in this moment.
This also clears up one more thing to me: why Ben seemed to steel himself after losing Leia, although he teared up and look devastated several moments before. He probably felt as though his mother being apparently destroyed despite his hesitation was a lesson from the Force. Forget about Ben Solo. Forget about his mother. You killed Ben Solo. So what if his mother is gone.
Honestly, they really do have to fix this in Ep. 9. I’ve never seen a villain with a more heartbreaking backstory. 💔
Okay, @raven-maiden, I’m tearing up now, and who gave you the right
Me too @postedbygaslight if it helps?! 😭😭
What happened to both Rey and Ben is really f-ing heartbreaking. They better fix these two poor lonely broken souls or I will riot.
In all seriousness, I fucking love what you added there, and I’m with you: no holds barred, flipping cars, pulling down street lamps, garbage cans on fire RIOT
Depicted: us, three and a half years later, touring the aftermath of the Great Rise of Skywalker Riots. 😒
"So what's the reason you came back?"
"It’s you."
𝖒𝖊𝖉𝖎𝖊𝖛𝖆𝖑 𝖆𝖚
Suddenly, he leans in--❤️❤️
THIS IS THE BEST THING I HAVE EVER SEEN
I’VE BEEN TRYING TO FIND THIS FOR SEVEN YEARS
DO YOU UNDERSTAND HOW HARD IT IS TO ?????
That last fatal scream tho
THE TERROR IN HIS SCREAM OH GOSH
i’m crying
I will always reblog this on the off chance some other poor soul has been searching for it
IT’S BACK
HOYL SHIT ITS B A CK
IT’S BACK?? ON MY DASH?
Back and Front endpaper I did for Psyche and Eros by Luna McNamara, featuring in ToBeeRead May book box.\
𝖒𝖊𝖉𝖎𝖊𝖛𝖆𝖑 𝖆𝖚
#HAYDEN CHRISTENSEN on DARTH VADER
Mission failed😳
Scene VII part 1 (scene VI is already too long and we are changing the scenery so I thought it’s a good time to start VII) Thank you for your support and help❤️. I do hope I broke the curse and I’ll be able to work and to post once a week from now on.
A classic little reylo doodle!
"You are not alone."
Found a bunch of Reylo rough drafts, I completely forgot about these! Some of these were for pin designs that were commissioned a while back :) which is your fave?
A World Between Worlds
“Never imagined this,” Han had murmured, sitting up in their bed late at night, Ben’s tiny head resting in the crook of his father’s arm. “Having a kid. Even wanting a kid. But now he’s here, and—” “And you’re a dad.” Leia had leaned closer, unable to resist the chance to tease her husband. “Just think, hotshot. Someday you might even be a granddad.” Han’s chuckle had warmed her. “Speak for yourself, sweetheart. Me, I ain’t ever getting that old.” ― Claudia Gray, Bloodline
Finally I could finish my drawing I started over a year ago. Just loosely based it over this particular moment from the book. It just broke my heart into million pieces.
Ben with his parents 🦋💙
Rey and Kylo Ren | Topps cards - Ink & Brush set
[ also shared on instagram and twitter ]