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Sarah, 20. I write poems and occasionally I discuss other things too. All poetry featured on this blog is original unless credited otherwise.

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even when you didn’t know where you were going, I was right there by your side.

I was going through hell, and you were nowhere to be found.

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He handled me like I was silk and he had money to spare, I wasn't worthless in his arms, But he could tear me apart if he wanted to And he did. You touched me like I was a diamond, Strong enough to withstand your hands But so precious that you were gentle. You let me go, anyway, When you saw that I was only glass.

s.p.

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darling, salt the paths he walked in your heart you cannot let love bloom again.

you long for more flowers and forget that you also invite thorns.

don’t let them plant their seeds in your garden before you know it, it is no longer yours.

darling, salt the earth he occupied love’s cruel embrace will not touch you again.

-s.p.

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26/03/16

I finally forgive you

for ruining the cupcake shop for me.

it no longer reminds me of the perfect day

and how you ended it

with cake, coffee,

and a breakup.

you asshole.

(maybe I don’t forgive you just yet.)

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I am not who I should be but oh, I can see her on the horizon.

excerpts from a diary // 24.02.16

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And so we stood there loving each other, while his ego convinced him he could not love me and my own insecurities convinced me I was not worth loving, and we pretended not to know how the other felt, even as my hand inched towards his and his eyes flickered to my lips in the way only lovers do.

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I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you why why why why why why

unsent at 12:41am

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I still save pictures that I think would make you laugh. I still check your horoscope. I still want to tell you about my day. I still have our photos. I still look for you when I’m crying. I still try to reach for your hand.

"muscle memory" - s.p.

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I've had well over six shots and I think it's telling that you're the only person I want to talk to

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it’ll make you think that every day is the worst day, and one day you won’t be able to handle it. it’ll make you think that when nobody’s there, nobody loves you. you’ll think that when someone is there, they’re the only one. you’ll think that whatever scraps of affection you receive are all the love you deserve. you’ll be wrong. it’ll tell you that you’re right.

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my love for you knows no end. it will kill you, my dear.

s.p.

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You know my lips like a map you've walked a thousand times but now the only mouth meeting your kiss is that of a bottle. Your fingers are forgetting the slope of my hips as I type this and I call you at 1am when you are either drunk or asleep and you don't answer. "I miss you" always felt like torrential rain, and right now I'm a storm.

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there was enough electricity between us to light up the country but somehow, you wanted the world.

“almost ruins” - s.p.

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how can the sun live alone? -s.p.

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there’s nothing beautiful about a fire once it has turned to ash.

"don’t burn out just yet" -s.p.

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The last thing they do is let you go. The first thing they do is save you. Somewhere in the split second between his outstretched hand and the bloodstained snow you have forgiven yourself and accepted your fate, but they bring you back. You have seen death. “This might hurt,” they tell you. The next thing they do is fix you. They rip you apart, knit your skin together with metal. They rip you apart again. And again. Your screams echo against the walls. “You owe us,” they tell you. They let you break again. Your bones turn to steel, your eyes to flint. You learn to forget the unnecessary remnants of your past life - fleeting emotions which slow you down. All that is left is anger. An unquenchable, focused wrath. The last thing they do is let you go. Your mind is a time bomb. You know me. You have forgotten how it feels to have anything other than ticking in your head. I’m not gonna fight you. You have forgotten faces as soon as you have disposed of them. You’re my friend. You leave rubble in your wake. Finish it. This is all you are. You are a warhead. You are not a person. There are no people, there are just missions. Missions and too few shreds of humanity.

"HOW TO BUILD A WEAPON” -s.p.