I don’t normally do this, but the past few days have been rainy inside and out, so I sat down at my piano to write a song and quickly scratched a chord progression to it (it is very minimal. I am a very mediocre piano player but i hope it at least gets the feel across). I literally did not know how to express how I felt besides writing this. As an artist, I choose to bear my heart & soul to the world all the time, but this is quite possibly the most stripped down and raw I have ever delivered anything. & no, this is not a krewella song but thank you in advance for listening anyways.
Soo some back story! When I went home to Chicago for thanksgiving last week, I saw my dear friend of 15 years. He knows me better than almost anyone. We were reminiscing and I brought up one night when we were maybe 12. It was spring break—we hung out on this swing set in the back of school while he told me about his extravagant plans to change the world. This kid took me for a whirl wind. I not only fell madly in love with the passion with which he spoke, but suddenly felt like I was useless. I actually went home that night and wrote a dumb 12-year-old song, with the example lyric, “you’re gonna to change the world for the better / and I’ll just be sitting here at home in Chicago”. Fast forward to present day. I told him, because of the injustice I have personally experienced in the last few months, (albeit it is petty compared to the terrible injustices we see in our world), I suddenly felt like I had a fire lit under my ass. No one should experience being taken advantage of, not feeling good enough, suffering purely for who they are on the outside, and being ripped apart by ignorance. He laughed and told me that my spring break circa ’05 story was ridiculous because I had the potential to be so far from useless. I have my voice, I have a lot of people watching the moves I make and the things I say, so how could I not at least try? That would be useless.
Am I rambling yet? I’m such a rambler. I’m just trying to say that regardless of who you are, or how important you deem yourself, or how small or big you think the expanse of your voice is, it really does matter. Our world seems so big but we are all connected; your problems are my problems are their problems are your problems. If you want to speak out against the abuse and narrow-mindedness you see in the news, speak out. If someone has bullied you or treated you like shit, walk up to them and tell them. If you see or hear or experience something that makes your stomach drop to your feet, say something.
For this reason, I wrote and shitty-iPhone-video recorded this song, inspired by continuous sexist slurs and being half-Pakistani and Eric Garner and painful lawsuits and feeling like nothing is fucking fair and growing up as a confused-angry-12-year-old wanting to say something important but can’t find the right outlet or right words—only to find myself 10 years later having the same thoughts. This is not the greatest song in the world (((self-depreciative laughter))) but I dedicate this one to anyone out there that is ready for some fucking change.
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I can’t breathe
and you can’t see
my worth, so you let me choke
and you complain
I just waste space
tear me up, I’m not good enough for you
Let me grow, let me grow, let me grow
Let me hang, or free my soul
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