It is nearly impossible to describe the feelings of a mother in the Gaza Strip on Motherâs Day.
A mother who has borne the pain of separation from her children, wept at the sight of them slipping into malnutrition and stayed up all night to try to reassure them that they were âsafeâ as Israelâs planes continued to drop bombs overhead.
Or a mother who has lost her children in Israelâs war on Gaza.
Alaa el-Qatrawi, 33, sits quietly, present in body but it is obvious that her mind is elsewhere. A few months ago, all four of her children were killed âŚ
Looking around with bloodshot eyes, she recites her childrenâs names: âYamen, eight years old. The twins Orchid and Kanan, six years old. And Carmel, three years old.â
In early December, when the children were with their father, who took them to Khan Younis for their safety, Alaa heard that Israeli tanks were getting closer to the house where they were staying. One day, Israeli forces stormed the house and attacked her ex-husband and his brothers. They said the soldiers beat them severely and stole money, mobile phones and gold.
âMama, try to get us out of here,â she remembers them begging.
But Alaa says she was not able to get help from two of the international humanitarian organisations in Gaza, neither of which could get into the area where the house was.
She did not hear from them or find out what happened until, a month later, her brother-in-law was able to get to the house only to find it destroyed and the smell of decomposing bodies emanating from it.
While speaking to Al Jazeera about Motherâs Day, Alaa talks about her children in the present tense.
âThe year before, when they were in kindergarten, they brought me flowers for Motherâs Day, and Orchid gave me chocolates. âMama, I bought you chocolate because I know you like it with coffee,â she said. She had saved up. Iâm sure she would have grown up to be a doctor,â Alaa seemed to startle herself by referring to her daughter in the past tense.
Read the full story about Alaaâs sad Motherâs Day after Israelâs war on Gaza killed her children