I am THAT Girl

everyone is obsessed with me

[lilalalalove]

Goddamn ur so mf fine too ms morticia 🥵

thank uuu! u can message me hehe

[that-house]

partially-managed mental illness is so fucking funny i'll be sitting around doing my job and suddenly think "wow i hate myself" and immediately get confused because, like, that's not TRUE! i love myself so much. who are you to talk to me like that

[gayvampyr]

it really pisses me off when adults sit there and drill it into kids’ heads that their youth is fleeting and tell them things like “enjoy your childhood while it lasts because this is the best it’s gonna get”. why are you telling children that adulthood is the worse thing they can experience? seriously what the fuck is wrong with you, why are you trying to make them feel like growing up is a fate worse than death? trying to convince them their life is over before it even begins? i’m tired of that shit. because tell my why my 12 year old cousin told me when she turns 30 she’ll be so depressed she’s just gonna cry all the time. what the fuck. kids don’t need to hear that their already stressful and overwhelming lives are never going to get better, that the abuse and lack of autonomy they face is apparently the highlight of their lives. they need to hear about adults who are happy to be alive and happy to have made it to their age. they need to know that growing up rules, it’s a gift and life does not have to suck for them, that they have a future that’s worth sticking around for. this rhetoric is so damaging mentally and i’m about to start hitting the adults who parrot it. i’m sorry you hate your life but you don’t get to dump your issues on these kids. don’t piss me off and leave these babies alone!

[centwithlove]

Because of this when I was 9 I made a suicide pact for when I turned 18.

Glad I didnt keep that promise.

[luckyladylily]

So there is a lot of bad stuff going on right now, and I'm sure there are lots of people feeling hopeless and thinking of suicide. Well, I've been suicidal for 21 years and I have a few practical pieces of advice for surviving that I rarely see in other places but I think have done more to keep me off the ledge than almost anything.

1. Don't feel guilty for wanting to kill yourself. Life can be extremely painful, and you are not weak, a coward, or irrational for considering the obvious way to alleviate that pain. Guilt on top of the rest of your pain will not help, and you are not a bad person. You are going to have to tell yourself this a lot.

2. If you think you might do it, find an excuse to live. This is different from a reason to live in that it is short term and shallow. For years my excuse was that I still had enough money to buy a pizza and I'd be damned if I didn't get my last pizza before I died, and if i still wanted to kill myself after the pizza then I had lost nothing. I swear this kept me alive through some of the hardest years of my life.

3. If you have an online friend you can trust, ask if they would be willing to do check in duty occasionally on your worst nights. It's very simple, on bad days where hurting yourself is a real possibility, ask your friend if they can send you a message at regular intervals, say 15 or 20 minutes, confirming that you are safe. It can be as simple as "check?", with you responding "I'm ok". Being immediately held accountable makes not doing it so much easier. I asked a friend to help me like this about two weeks ago to deal with a really bad self harm day and the difference between trying to do it on your own and simple check ins is astounding. It hurts so much less.

4. You die with nothing left on the table. This is for when it's over and you are going to kill yourself. You have a plan, you are ready, and you want to. At this point you are effectively dead. Which means there are no consequences. You can finally do the thing that you were always too scared to do. Maybe it's quitting your job, or confessing to your crush. For me it was coming out as trans. This is your last ditch effort, so if it blows up in your face and ruins everything it is no loss because your plan will still work tomorrow. You were already dead anyway, who cares if you left behind a bit more chaos.

[positivelyqueer]

one of the most relatable and useful things someone once said to me is that what saved her from her own ideation was the knowledge that suicide is always an option.

And this runs counter to what is very often told, and I’m certainly not saying that that narrative is wrong. There are people that absolutely need to hear that suicide is Never an option.

But when you’ve been in those particular trenches for so long, the old sayings start to wear thin.

So what this person talked about was, the knowledge that she could theoretically always kill herself made it easier to postpone. Sure she could have killed herself this morning, but then she wouldn’t be out getting coffee with her friend. And she can always do it tonight.

But maybe tonight doesn’t work either because what she wants more than to be dead is to be warm in bed. So she’ll sleep on it. Maybe next week after seeing her friend’s musical.

And maybe that musical gives her the strength she needs to hold out for a bit longer, to scrape just a bit more joy from the world.

And maybe in two months it comes back, and she can’t do it anymore. But well, two months ago wasn’t the only time, she can always do it next month. Might as well wait for spring, the flowers are only just starting to come out.

So hey, maybe you could kill yourself. But you’re a long time dead with not a lot to do, so might as well scrape some more joy and excitement and interest and disappointment and music and grief and community and warmth from this world while you’re in it.

There’s always the possibility of something around the corner. Be curious and stay safe loves <3 (love heart.)

[onlinecounsellingcollege]

How to Overcome Emotional Numbness

Emotional numbness is where we experience mild to severe feelings of detachment – so it’s hard for us to access normal feelings any more. This includes both negative and positive emotions as you can’t decide to shut just one feeling off. Common causes of emotional numbness include different stresses or traumas … from receiving bad news … to being in an accident … to recovering from the death of someone close … to a relationship breakup … to feeling deeply humiliated or ashamed. So how do you overcome emotional numbness and live with emotional integrity again?

1. The first thing to do is to choose to respect and allow all emotions – no matter what they are. Also, try and grasp the fact that suppressing your emotions will likely lead to heartache and problems later on (as they’ll possibly resurface at inappropriate times.)

2. Try and understand that feelings and actions are two very different, and unrelated, things.  That is, you can still feel angry without becoming violent – so don’t assume your feelings will affect your actions, too.

3. Try to figure out the message behind intense emotions. Are you angry because you’ve been hurt, used or abused? Are you sad because deep down you feel that you’ll never find true love - as you can’t believe that anyone will love you for yourself?

4. Take that risk – and find the courage to ask someone for help. If you’re honest with yourself, you’ll know that there are those who genuinely love you like – like a true and caring friend. The important thing is not to try and isolate yourself, and to make the extra effort to prioritise self-care. You need other people to help you work through this.

5. Seek professional help if the symptoms persist. There are excellent counsellors and therapists out there who have the training and skills to help you to get free – so you can live a more fulfilling and normal, healthy life.

6. Be patient within yourself. It’s likely to take time – as you will need to learn to trust, and take some barriers down, so you can be yourself again (and that is often hard to do when you’ve experience hurt and pain).  

[lawbutch]

you don't have to be scared of your suicidal friends. you don't have to be scared of your psychotic or delusional friends. you don't have to call the police every time someone says they feel like they want to die. you can say things like, "that sounds really hard" and "I'm going to bring you some food and you can tell me more about it"

[transcarcinization]

the thing about being chronically suicidal that i can never explain to people is that if i am talking about this with you i am so good. if i am saying out loud 'i have been having suicidal inclinations' you can rest assured i am in no danger. the act of articulating that to someone else and accepting the risk of them possibly interfering is only possible when i am confident a) the person probably won't actually interfere b) i am absolutely not actually going to kill myself. if i really wanted to do it i would not be giving you information you would need to stop me. even if i don't want to but i'm not 100% sure you don't get to know because what if i do want to at some point. that's my decision.... why would i invite people to interfere. the real red flag is when i haven't offhandedly mentioned i want to kill myself for 6 months

[closet-keys]

A lot of people who have never been suicidal have this impression that suicidal people just need to be reminded how many people love them or that death is irreversible. They know this already. Being suicidal is about a lack of choices. The reality is that suicide is the last choice left when all other choices are stripped away. If you want someone to stay alive, you need to find or build them another choice.

[byjove]

depression is really one of the most obnoxious things to deal with. really difficult to articulate that you’ve been struggling to do the dishes because you’re too busy trying not to kill yourself without it coming off like a manipulative excuse. almost easier to just be like “I’m an unrepentant nasty slob and I love living like this.” than admitting you are not a functioning human being and have no idea what to do to make it better.

[legallybrunettedotcom]

[inbabylontheywept]

Until death, all defeat is psychological.

[lilalalalove]

i wish i could romanticize and enjoy upd as well like everyone else :<

[kiwilikethefruittt]

damn it, i do want to live. i want to see that movie that’s coming out at thanksgiving. i want to know what it’s like to go to greece. i want to see my dog grow old. i want to be a part of my best friend’s wedding. damn it, i want to live!!

[lilalalalove]

hi I'm really looking for a breakup buddy. if u're going thru a very heart wrenching breakup as well. please reach out to me! we can co-regulate each other.

[cinnamoncianna]

Some habits that I’m adopting for a more organized June, that may be helpful to u too :)

Wake up. Before u do anything else, roll over, plant ur feet on the floor, get up. Bathroom. AM shower. Before anything else. Before u can ever reach ur phone.

Prepare your morning drink of choice. For me that’s iced lemon water. Love her

You should’ve placed your planner somewhere accessible the night before. Next must-do (before anything else, including your phone!) is to read through both daily and weekly agenda.

Knock out an easy task (<5 mins), then a hard task (> 5 mins). This starts with making sure ur setup is prepped for success. For example, if ur working out do u have the correct workout open? If ur studying does ur desk already contain the appropriate materials?

Pomodoro all dayyyy!!

Certain days for socialization. This is def personalized to me bc I’ve been off the rails, out with someone every night. You don’t need to PLAN every weekend but you need days that are non negotiably no socialization days!!

If you’re like “this doesn’t apply to me” what could u substitute that does apply? What do u not have great boundaries with right now?

Use Habit app to track habits! It’s free. I personally only have it on my iPad, I try as much as possible not to do “life admin” stuff directly on phone. Just too easy to get sucked in

If you’re struggling with phone addiction, start decreasing by making yourself more busy

Meditation :) even 10 mins a day only helps!

Let go of anxiety by letting go of control

Save more aggressively

Get back into music

Read minimum 30 mins (for me). Please start slow too if u need to. Minimum 5 to start is so valid

I’ve been vegetarian since June 1st so this does kinda go in hand w clean eating, but just as a rule of them - try to eat good & treat ur body kindly

[stufflikethathere]

I’m only 28 and it feels a million times better than 23. I can’t wait to see what 30 feels like. Becoming an older woman is filled with internal validation, an inner calm, a recognition of patterns. I am not perfect but I accept myself despite it.

[crystallilytarot]

My future spouse need to hurry the fuck up seriously, I'm about to fuck my life up