Death Wishes

Elena | 27 | Belgium | bi | In a relationship | Struggling with depression, anxiety, eating disorder, and recovering from PTSD | I do not promote self-harm, suicide, drug abuse, eating disorders or any mental illnesses | trigger warning

[quoteastic]

Be okay with losing people that are okay with losing you.

[thoughtcascades]

some people would rather be wounded forever than responsible for one honest decision

[maxxie-or-smth]

i need to killl myself but like nonchalantly

[thoughtcascades]

nothing feels more adult than missing your old problems because at least you understood them

[st4rfawn]

this girl on tiktok legit haunts me istg she’s soooooooooooo goals :’(

[earthworm00]

Insp0

[shortyimmortal]

oh little bunny ;(

[thoughtcascades]

your mind can turn any prison into a home

[cryptid-corpse]

Pretending to be less mentally unwell than you are is exhausting. I just want 2 go feral, scream cry and kick

[ru1n3r]

i think if i had the option to never have existed i would pick that

[somewordsarebiggerthanothers]

[keytomind]

🖤👆🏼

[lilithmaze1998]

I wish I had someone to hold me after it happened. I wish someone cared enough to listen or believe me. I wish my closest friend didn't just say "we all gotta do things we don't wanna do". I wish the few people i told took me seriously and not like another drink teenage girl who had regrets.

I wasn't drunk. I was drugged. My memories didn't come back for a very long time. My memories certainly weren't there when I had consensual sex with him the morning after. Right up until he started hurting me, being rough, making each and every thrust harder, more violent, ignoring my unsexy-actualy-in-pain-"ow"s, ignoring my eyes shutting so hard my eyelids hurt.

And right before I closed my eyes I could see his face. Jaw clenched, eyes wide opened, wide smile, teeth exposed. Animalistic, evil, predatory. How could I say "stop"? How could I say "no"? Who knows what he would've done. He was so much stronger, I couldn't move under his weight. He hsd me pinned down. He had me right where he wanted me.

I had already refused him one thing (the back door), after multiple attempts.

And i paid dearly for saying no. I paid in pain. Because he got annoyed, he got angry. That's why he got rough. It hurt. It really did. But what could I do? This was the price I paid for denying him one singular thing. What would he have done if I tried to defy him more?

I was 17 then, almost 18. It's been 10 years. The fear is still there. It will never go away.

[mournfulroses]

Sylvia Plath, from a letter to Ann Dvidow-Goodman written c. 1950, featured in The Collected Letters

[slaughtered4ngel]

lore update i wanna die

[mournfulroses]

Albert Camus, from a letter to María Casares featured in Correspondance, 1944-1959

[lilithmaze1998]

Y'all ever get nightmares that are not *that* similar to your trauma but still bring you emotional (and visual) flashbacks throughout the day while you're awake? Because who doesn't wanna relive the worst time of their lives. Am I right?

[carnage-cathedral]

ughhhhhhh why do I have to be within the tiny percentage of the population who has lived through unspeakable horrors