Stop and Say Your Love Me || Stiles & Derek
"If there’s one thing I’ll never run out of… it’s insult for you big guy," Well, it was definitely his Stiles, there was no doubt about that with comments such as those flying around. The wolf was chuckling lightly to himself as he held his boy, telling him he wasn’t about to go running off. It was true, besides, with the world in the toilet, where the hell would he go? "I’d be lost without you… I’d rather cut off my own arm," "It’s kind of hard to cut your own arm off, and some people faint at the sight of blood!" he joked back, his mind still lingering on one of there first encounters, and a brush with death. It was all thanks to Kate Argent, the bitch that had tormented him all his life.
Sarcasm and wit flooded out of the boys mouth as he clung to the wolf’s shirt like his life depended on it. Derek’s hues just wandered over him, knowing that this was just one of the ways the boy coped, by burying himself in cocky comments. “I’m sorry for scaring you, it’s just… I was scared too Derek” he nodded, he understood, he could only imagine what it was like not remembering something, let alone when the person you love most is hurt by actions you simply cant remember doing, or saying. “What were you really feeling when you did it?” The Alpha’s brow arched at the question, unsure how to answer it, unsure if he wanted to.
"I’ve only heard you sound like that once… When you lost Isaac…" Derek’s green orbs slid to the floor as the boy thanked him, and he gave a small shrug, knowing he’d have to answer Stiles eventually, an unanswered question only ever made the boy try harder to get the answers. A sigh exited his lips as he let his head fall back "Stiles." his head shook gently, trying to find the words "You have to understand, what it’s like, even if I bit you, you’d remember being human, it would be there, as your base instinct. I don’t have that." He was human, part of him was, he knew that, but it wasn’t the same as being human, he’d always been both, there was no stronger pull to one side like Stiles had seen with Scott.
He felt like he’d stopped breathing, he caught the boys gaze but no breath came out through lips or nostrils as he took a moment to just scan his lovers face “I thought you were going to leave me, I thought after last night we were over anyway. What I felt, was desperation.” he admitted, finding it hard, as always, to look at Stiles when he talked about emotion, but despite the big pounding in his chest telling him to turn away, he tried to stay focused, on the man he loved. "I was desperate to keep you, I knew after you saying all those things last night… the wolf was the last thing you would want to hear, but it’s all I have, all I am." he sighed, unable to keep the boys gaze and his eyes closed "The pain, just at the thought that I could lose you, I’ve never felt pain like it.." He cleared his throat and did what he did best, tried to forget he’d said anything, and brushed it under the carpet as quickly as he could with a kiss.
"But we knew it wasn’t going to be easy… I mean, life… love, it never is. I just have to believe that we’ll get through it… No matter what. That we’ll always get through it as long as we have each other." That was probably the cheesiest thing anyone had ever said to him and he blushed a little, but because of who it was coming from, he believed it, and his head nodded, a smile curling onto his lips. "Maybe you’re right.." he gave a quick chuckle before correcting himself before Stiles did it for him "You are right."
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"It's kind of hard to cut your own arm off, and some people faint at the sight of blood." Stiles spluttered weakly, his pale cheeks turning a light pink as he swatted at Derek's chest. "That was only one time!" he cried out softly indignation, remembering the argument he and the alpha had gotten into when Stiles had stalled on cutting off the wolf's arm. "But I stand by the fact that losing you would be like losing an arm... I wouldn't know how to function without you, seriously. You're my everything."
Sarcasm, as Stiles would maintain until his dying day, was his one and only defense. He wasn't as guilty as falling back on the habit as he used to be, not since he and Derek had gotten used to each other, but he still did it when he was feeling particularly vulnerable. The thought of Derek leaving him there alone in the bar, or leaving him in general, was akin to feeling naked in a blizzard. It shook the very foundations of his world to think of the losing the alpha male. He couldn't truly be blamed for restoring to his sarcastic remarks. But the mood soon turned serious once again as it always did, the distraction of his sarcasm fleeting.
Stiles' face contorted slightly in confusion as Derek started talking about how he would remember what it was like to be human even if he was turned into a wolf. He honestly had no idea what the older male was trying to get at when he'd asked about what feeling prompted the roar which had essentially shocked him out of his anxiety attack earlier. For once, however, he maintained his silence for he was sure there was a point to what Derek was saying. There always was because when Derek did talk, he wasn't one to waste words. When the alpha spoke about feeling like he was going to lose Stiles, the human tightened his grip on the other's shirt, staring up into Derek's eyes in an effort to be reassuring.
"What I felt was desperation." Stiles couldn't help the whimper that sounded in his throat, pulling himself closer to the alpha and wrapping his arms tightly around the older male when Derek glanced away, "I've never felt pain like it." Leaning up into the kiss, Stiles tried to convey that he wasn't going anywhere with his lips but Derek pulled back far too soon. Reaching up, the human cupped the alpha's cheek in his palm to turn the other face him once again. "Hey... You know me Derek and you know... You know that wasn't me okay? You know I wouldn't let this go after how long I've waited to have this with you. So if... If it ever happens again just remember that okay? You and me? It's all I, as I am now, want."
