from: @be-the-gai-to-my-lee
to:Â @lilsushicinnamonroll
His face remained stoic as he watched over your sleeping form. It would likely be the last time he would see your face. It was his fault that you had gotten injured. If he hadnât been involved with you then none of this would have happened in the first place. Damn he really wasnât allowed to experience happiness without consequences was he?
 Leaning down he pressed a single kiss against your forehead. You made a small noise, still unconscious.
 His face betrayed no emotion as he stood up and left.Â
 His body tensed upon hearing you speak his name. Your voice sounded so weak and broken. It made sense from the way you screamed as the demon injured you. He should have been by your side sooner. It would have been dead before it even looked at you. How could he even stand to look at you now when you were hurt because of him?
 Swallowing the lump in his throat, he straightened his back and kept his gaze forward. Heâd break if he looked at you and saw your disappointed face.
 âYou are worthless. I donât know why I ever wasted my time on you,â he spat out the words. He didnât dare look back at you. It was cowardice and so wrong of him to do. His stomach seemed to curl in on itself as his nausea increased.
 âW-what?â your voice cracked and you stared at his back. Giyuu could be cold, but he had never shown such iciness towards you before. Itâs as if he was a stranger, someone you didnât know and couldnât read. It hurt even worse when he wouldnât even face you.
 âI said youâre worthless. I shouldnât have wasted my time having you by my side,â he spoke softly, but his words still felt like icicles ripping into your flesh. It felt ridiculous to admit that your heart hurt much worse than the injuries on your body. You had no idea how equally it was tearing him apart. He knew he wasnât like the other pillars. Maybe if you had been with someone else they could have protected you far better. Heck even if you had a relationship with a normal man you might even fare better. At least then you wouldnât have been thrown into the world of demons. At least you wouldnât have become a target to be used against him.
 Loving you didnât matter. Not when it meant youâd only get hurt, or even worse, slaughtered because of who he was.
 It had been a ridiculous notion to even consider having a relationship with you in the first place. He had truly been an idiot to think he could hold onto something so precious. After all, the rest of his loved ones had already perished. It made sense that you would suffer because of him too. It was a miracle you hadnât died in the first place already.
 âYou donât mean that,â you pushed yourself up from the futon, fumbling slightly at your attempt to get on your feet. You winced at the pain that shot through your body. Instead of delving deeper into the sorrow his words made you feel, you forced it to transform into rage. You couldnât understand why he would lie to you.
 Giyuu ignored the urge to look back and make sure you were okay.
 When he didnât respond, you continued speaking.
 âIf you meant it youâd look me in the eyes and say it to my face. You wouldnât show your back to me and pretend everything weâve done, what we have together, meant absolutely nothing. If you truly mean it then say it to my face,â you demanded.
 He took in a shaky breath before turning around to face you properly. He could hardly hold your gaze without fighting the desire to look away. It was too difficult when you were looking right through him, right into his soul like you always seemed to manage. It was another reason your relationship was so good. Despite his lack of words, you still understood what he felt and what he meant. In this situation he was ultimately screwed.
 He kept his face blank, uncaring, when he repeated the words a final time. He focused on the cut on your cheek as a reminder that you were hurt because of him and that if he didnât leave now then it would only get worse.
 âIs there a reason youâre lying to me? Canât you at least be honest and say the real reason you donât want to be with me anymore,â you didnât buy his lies the slightest bit.
 ââŚIâm scared,â his voice was a whisper.
 âIâm afraid of losing you. Iâm terrified youâll die and itâll be all my fault,â he confessed, no longer able to look you in the eye. He couldnât bare to look and see your expression. He expected disgust, disappointment, anything other than the look of adoration and love you always seemed to give him even when he least deserved it.
 Once again you proved him wrong when you took his face in your hands, so gentle and soft.
 âWhat happened to me wasnât your fault,â you reassure him and press a kiss to his forehead. âIf you hadnât shown up in the first place, then I would have died then and there. Youâre the reason Iâm here right now. I canât promise I wonât die but I do promise Iâll love you for however long you want me too. If you really donât love me anymore then I will leave, but donât make me go because of fear.â
 Giyuu didnât look entirely convinced, but in the end he embraced you tightly.
 He was too weak to let you go. You were his weakness and he was too much of a coward to let you go when you showed him so much love. He was sure there would be a special place waiting for him for making such a selfish choice.
 âIâm sorry,â he said, holding you flush against him. He never wanted to let you go. Even knowing you would be better off without him by your side, he couldnât stand being the one to hurt you himself.
 He should have left before you awoke.
 Then he wouldnât have to be there to see your tear stained face.
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