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@lilypiv
I’ve hit a depression wall and now I feel like I’m a void of negativity and unhappiness. I don’t want to talk or call anyone and honestly feel like every which way I make a mistake. Playing this victim in my head doesn’t help and pretending to smile doesn’t help neither!! I felt resilient for a bit now and now I feel like I’m a failure….
It was my fault too. It was my fault for not listening to my intuition. It was my fault for being toxic. It was my fault too for not communicating effectively. It was my fault for not knowing my boundaries or consent. It was my fault too. The resentment was not because of you but the resentment and disrespect I did to myself and I just put that all on you.
Im not angry, im just in pain
Some days i miss you some days i dont...i wish we were lovers and let things go...but we are not and that has past..to the happy adventures that will last
July 21
When you told me to leave with the kids...i knew right there i was done with you. I realized then and there that you dont want to take any responsibility for yohr xhildren...you cannot be a fucking man and hold your ego aside and wait until march to move back to Pa. Now i am doing this all alone...you say you never wanted to be a husband...well i never wanted to be a mother..but im not just gonna leave my kids bc i feel stressex or mad at them. Your a great provider, thanks, but money only goes so far. I hope you feel guilty for all the things your gonna miss in their lives. Go ahead pick your job over your kids you jackass.
Im not happy...im depressed and very miserable..for the most part. I went outside today bc the wifi was acting up and when i was outside with my daughter, i wanted to go back inside. My anxiety was like there are ticks everywhere. Ughhh i hate this worrying. It just doesnt make any sense to worry. Im just stay in and not go out. Im like not lazy but im not active neither. I get spurts of energy then i just crash then energy...it is like a rollercoaster.
I miss your friendship but I don't miss you
I miss that we hung out every week... But i dont miss the way you judged me I miss going to your house... But i dont miss that you showed off your "expensive" shit I miss that we talked about everything... But i dont miss that you have lied to me But I don't miss that you threw me out when you found a new friend But I don't miss that you kiss your mother's ass Or how spoiled you are Or how your mother needs to get involved in your shit I don't miss you I miss having a real friend to talk to
Grow up..grow up!! Are you kidding me..if I didn't grow the fuck up we wouldn't have a daughter...we wouldn't be together...I would have still gone to school and put me first...want me to act like a fucking child...then I will.
Loops psychology
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You weren't there for me then, your not there for me now. I regret going back to you.
Friendships and family isn’t about keeping score of who’s better, it is about who is there and who isn’t!!
This is the only place i can be honest
I found out that i have been lied to by my husband. I think i deserve better, but for my daughters sake, i will give him one year to show me his growth as a man, and husband. if not then, if i feel the same way about him as i do now, i will divorce him. i cant live with someone who is a liar, and a cheat. Im not going to show my daughter that her father has any control over me. every one wants to fight for equality, but the sad part it, men and women arent equal. i believe women should make more bc higher percent of women are single mothers and work more that one/two jobs. we also give birth to the future. yes, my husband works and i stay home with my daughter. But i want to work as well, but of course i trusted my husband to take care of us. I want my daughter to only depend on me. heres to a new beginning
my fight with depression and anxiety
i have finally got some help fro my depression and anxiety. it is working quite well:) i am taking my medication...some people call it a happy pill...but no it isnt a happy pill..it is a pill to help control my depression and anxiety. i will never be rid of them bc i was born with it. antidepressants are like makeup to girls...for example i am willing to take my antidepressants help fix my inner imperfections...makeup helps fix the outer imperfections. you are born with your own face but either hide it or emphasize it with makeup....and the same goes for depression, i am born with depression but control it with medication. im not ashamed of using them bc i cant even live with myself, let alone others, when im really depressed!!
I'm sick and tired of apologizing for who I am. Well no more. If someone doesn't like how I act or how I'm honest then go screw yourself..you hypocritical, lying jackass!!
friends that were never really friends
i just lost a friend. i wouldnt even call her a friend anymore. i realized i would become friends with people who, in my opinion, were not what i believed in. I believed the friends i choose are the friends who aren’t so judgmental, who weren’t selfish, who were better than going back to their cheater, that didnt think a friendship was a competition...well here is your trophy...now leave me alone. i thought that was who she was...but she was everything that i said opposite. I’ve change for the better, but she changed for the worst. i knew she was selfish and put on a front. i knew who she really was...but i was still friends with her...i let her use me as a person to come to for anything, and all i asked in return was the same honesty that i gave her...but i knew she wouldnt give me what i really wanted bc i liked being the punching bag...i liked that people thought i was weird, in a bad way, and so they didnt want to talk to me....i liked that feeling of being alone....but no more...no more being the punching bag. i know i deserve better friends, and a better lifestyle...everyone does...im not saying i regret being friends with her, im saying it was something that i needed to learn...a journey to love myself<3
