I allowed myself some time to think. To let it sink in. And then I wrote a long post, laying out my feelings about what has happened over the weekend. It was ugly. I meant every word. But then I realised I’ll achieve nothing by posting it.
So this is all that I’ll say about it.
I’m done. I can’t do this anymore. I always refused to play their games but this is a whole new level of fucked up and I just can’t. Real wedding, fake wedding, not a wedding, someone else’s wedding, I don’t care. Because whichever version is real, they are playing with us. It’s all a game to them. You are either private or you are not. What we’ve seen was neither. One post. Coming from her. Maybe just a pic of the rings. “I’m married, I love him, please respect our privacy”. Others do it. It’s so easy. It’s so real. It’s still private. That’s all it would took. She owns the people who supported her all these years at least that. Especially after she hijacked promo for the show with her engagment. And you know what, I would respect her for that. Too late now. They missed the window of genuineness. Instead everyone else is doing the dirty work for her. Again. After this performance she can’t claim privacy anymore. They want us to think she got married. They were leading us here for months. It doesn’t matter whether it’s true or not because it’s fucked up in either case.
All of this bullshit could be over after IFH. Hell, even before that. But they had to play games, didn’t they?
It’s so easy to blame shippers for not believing them. Because there has never been a rumoured couple that denied it, only to turn up to be real. Oh wait, there were. One lied to his own mother about it. One just recently got married and announced it with a simple IG post. Wow, what a concept. Sharing without giving up privacy. What we’ve got? The biggest campaign in the history to convince people 2 minor celebrities are not together. It’s ironic. It was the denials that made people even more sure they are lying. Because it wasn’t normal. The constant attacks on shippers by people who have no business of doing that, the staged sightings, leaving breadcrumbs on sm so obvious you could see them from Neptun, stories in tabloids that read like checking off the list of shipper complains, the pushback everytime something that didn’t fit in the narrative happened. How can anyone look back at that and think “That’s normal.”? Only people who have something to hide use so much energy on denying it. And that’s the problem, isn’t it. She was so busy with convincing us she isn’t with Sam that she forgot to convince us she is with this man. I know, she didn’t have to. But if you don’t try, don’t be surprised when people don’t believe you.
So for me what it comes down to is this. I don’t buy it. That relationship. I don’t know what it is but I don’t believe it’s what they want us to think. I haven’t seen anything that would make me believe that it is. Sorry. I tried. I want to believe it, it would be so much easier, but I don’t. Yes, looks like she really married him. Yet I still don’t buy it. No, I’m not in denial. I am more than capable of admitting being wrong. And to be honest, there is a huge part of me that hopes it is real. I could still change my mind. But right now I just don’t think it is real and that belief has nothing to do with Sam and everything to do with that creepy man. They had over 4 years to convince me. They failed every time. The engagement was shady as fuck, the wedding was even worse. It wasn’t private. It was a game. Real life doesn’t need games.
And if it is real… I cannot even begin to wrap my brains around just how fucked up it is for everyone involved.
Does this make me crazy and delusional? Probably. Doesn’t matter. I’m done. Some pieces are from one box, some from the other. None give the full picture. After 5 years, I’m simply sick and tired of puzzles. Real, fake, distraction, whatever. I just don’t care anymore because the result is the same. They are playing with us. Always have. And they are all fucking sick cowards.
They could be a power couple. Together or not. Instead they took the magic away because they couldn’t handle that some people believed they were more. I hope it was worth it.
I’m not leaving. I’m done with this whole bullshit but I still love the story and the book is coming, hopefully very soon. I need a dose of a good, real JC stuff. And fanfiction is too good to miss out on. I don’t know about the show. I can’t look at them right now and I don’t have any hopes for s5. Not with that stick so far up someone’s arse. For now my only hope is that I could one day watch first 3 seasons without feeling rage over everything that happened in this hell hole, not just SC saga.
Sam… Sigh. I remain his fan, like a fool that I am. Let’s just say I have a good reason for that. I’ve put that on hold for now, but I’ll be back at one point. Or maybe not. I never thought I would get to this point. So who knows.
Balfe…I never was a big fan of hers to begin with. Most of it was tied to the ship, the rest was lost along the way. So now there is nothing left. I mourn that. I really do.
I truly envy those of you who can just shrug and move on. I can’t forget. I never ever forgive.
Just 2 little things to add.
- Sam’s fist in her bed. There is absolutely nothing that can convince me that wasn’t him. Nothing. Explain that.
- “Caitriona Balfe and her Sam“. Some of you from pre IFH time will remember this story. I never took it as a proof of relationship but it showed me the state of Balfe’s mind. And the creep was already in the picture by then, so…
Ok, this is it. That’s all I have to say. And now I’m done.
This post isn’t meant for discussion of any kind, on any point. I simply shared my thoughts and believes. Do not try to engage with me about it. I’m not interested. And I know how to use the block button.
PS: Anyone else finds it funny that there still has been no mention of the wedding anywhere outside of this fandom? We got endless tabloid pieces about the most stupid and ordinary stuff SC did before you could say “shippers”, but nothing on something this big? Even if this is a repeat of EFH (aka selling story, or more likely paying for it), they can’t control every obscure tabloid site. Yet nothing. No one gives a fuck. Which is hilarious when the person is so obsessed with privacy. Pretentious much?